Postnatal depression second child

[Peggy21]

I was just hoping someone might have some experience and light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a nearly 4 yo and 1 yo and I was muddling through ok until my baby was about 11 months and then I just felt like I couldn’t cope anymore. It’s strange as when my husband works from home or if my parents are visiting I enjoy being with my children and feel relaxed and happy but when I’ve got them on my own I feel really trapped and anxious to the point I can’t sleep. I love them both dearly and have bonded with both but I seem to have lost confidence as a mum that I can look after them when I’m by myself. I don’t have family nearby.
My husband’s job was touch and go if he’d be made redundant and he was very preoccupied with that and it was stressful. Also some mums from my older son’s nursery were critical which knocked me.
I had such a happy experience of being on mat leave with DS1 and feel horribly guilty to be finding this so hard. It feels like such a struggle to get through each day. I’ve seen gp who recommended talking therapy which I have started.
It’s hard to explain it’s just absolute overwhelm with the responsibility of looking after them both alone to the point of getting so anxious about it I can’t think straight.
Anyone been through something similar? Can it be postnatal anxiety/depression even if it’s come on when DS1 is 11 months?

I had PND with my first that started at 10 months. I felt exactly the same, trapped, couldn't sleep, I used to cry when DH left for work as the thought of the whole day ahead was overwhelming. Talking therapies and going back to work really helped.

Loved my mat leave second time round but found the same stage (11 months) hard. I didn't enjoy having both children together for a while but there's so work with two it is overwhelming at points.

Ignore what others are saying. People love to lecture and give advice when you have small DC's. That was definitely part of the problem with my first. Do you get out each day? That helps to leave the chaos of home behind for a bit.

Hi OP

I have two children and suffered with PND with both (lucky me! 🙄). I dreaded being left on my own with them and would dream of being away for just a few minutes. You are definitely not alone and is not a reflection on how you feel about your babies or what kind of mother you are, it's an illness. And a very cruel one.

You can and will get better from this. When I was really bad I would just take each day one hour at a time.

I have a 3week old and for the first 2 weeks I felt the same, I knew what to do... so I don't understand why I felt that way but if my partner was away from me or asleep I would get really anxious and emotional,

My parents stayed with me the first week and when they left I freaked out .. I was contemplating suicide and adoption just because of how scared I was. It was seeing my partner woth him that snapped me out of it, he was so natural with him and helped me get rest and I knew that anytime I needed to I could just give the baby to him and he will settle him, I also figured when I'm alone as long as I keep him fed then everything else doesnt matter.

Doesn't matter if he crys or if he doesnt sleep or of he needs a nappy change, as long as im trying and he is fed.

It's getting better now, I no longer feel too scared, I now only fear losing him.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Sarahani that’s really interesting your PND came on late too. I wonder what triggers later PND? I am going back to work in a few weeks part time and DS1 will start school so I think that will help. Yes I definitely try to get them out but in this heat they would rather be at home!
Rocknroll thanks for sharing - I’m sorry you had it with both. I’m struggling to be upbeat happy mum to both of them but particularly with older one who is more challenging and I’m worried he will notice I’m not myself. Any tips?

Also both - how long did it take you to recover? Did you get any extra childcare help or try antidepressants?

It is hard with an older one. Mine is 4 and a bit and I tried my best to hide everything from him. Sometimes when I felt awful I told him that mummy was tired/ felt a bit poorly and he was happy to play on his own for a bit. I was also lucky to have a supportive Mum who came round and was the upbeat one with him sometimes when I wasn't able to.

I'm also a primary school teacher and aside from anything else, I think it's important for children to learn to amuse themselves and cope with boredom. Don't feel like you have to entertain all of the time.

Scaredandshattered it is totally overwhelming at the very beginning you sound like you are getting your head round it. My therapist pointed out that in lots of cultures around the world mothers have plenty of help from relatives/community whereas in Western Culture the mother is expected to do it all alone which is incredibly daunting. So maybe we are programmed not to want to be left alone while DH at work?

I took antidepressants for 7 months and started them within 2 weeks of giving birth. As I had suffered with PND before, I knew what the signs were and I knew that medication had made the biggest difference for me last time. I had CBT both times which is also good.

DS2 is now 11 months old and I'm medication free. I would say I am about 65% recovered and I know from experience that the last bit is the hardest. But I also know that I will get there.

My family and DH were very supportive - DH did the majority of night feeds when I was at my worst (suicidal) and my Mum would visit most days after work and stay with me until DH came home.

Rocknroll funny you should say you are a teacher - so am I! My therapist also said anecdotally teachers are more likely to suffer from PND.

Hi lovely,

It can be postnatal depression. I read on the NHS website that postnatal depression can start anytime in the year after giving birth Having to look after an older child and an 11 months baby must be hard and stressful. I don't really know why it started so late but I know that counselling can help a lot - and maybe meds too.

I've got a Facebook group called "The Silent Mummies" that helps other mums suffering with postnatal depression, we all support each other and I'm wondering if maybe that could help you? A few mums have told me how good it makes them feel to be able to just post on there and get advice from other mums.

In case you want to join, here's the link:

www.facebook.com/groups/thesilentmummies/