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Original poster

Wave of despair during letdown whilst breastfeeding?

26 replies

haribosmarties · 05/08/2018 23:49

Does anyone else experience this? When my baby latches on as the milk comes I get this horrendous wave of sadness... like an almost physical thing. I have actually burst into tears a few times. Just this wave of tiredness, sadness and thirst. Lasts a few minutes.
I have to keep reminding myself its the milk and it will stop soon as I keep thinking 'why do I feel so awful whats happened?!'

Is this an actual thing that is commonly experienced? Does it have a name? Its so odd.. I thought breastfeeding was supposed to fill you with happy chemicals?

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WouldntWearItToTheBog · 05/08/2018 23:53

Think it's called D- Mer.... sounds awful.

Ohyesiam · 05/08/2018 23:53

Ooh yes , I had this. For me it was just like PMS, but only in waves as the milk let down. Bloody hormones, I do sometimes feel they have ruled my life.
I think it lasted about a month

NastyCats · 05/08/2018 23:54

Yes, I used to get this with my first dc especially. I thought it was just me! I think it is nothing to worry about unless it goes on longer, intrudes at other times or otherwise starts to affect your life and wellbeing. I hope you feel better and more normal soon.

masterstef · 05/08/2018 23:55

YES! Big time. But only for a few seconds. It's weird. Like intense depression. But it's so clearly linked to the letdown it shows you how strong those hormones can be.

purpledreamcatching · 05/08/2018 23:56

I used to get this too and feel physically sick.

SPag2018 · 05/08/2018 23:56

YES YES YES

And can I say that when I was breastfeeding I googled high and low and came across maybe 5 other people who knew what I was talking about.

The most bizarre feeling in the world. Also if I was chewing food I would want to spit it out no matter how hungry I was. It felt like it turned to sand in my mouth. Then when it passed I would be starving again.

Don’t worry you aren’t the only one. It always felt like a homesick feeling to me. Like a really sad longing feeling!

masterstef · 05/08/2018 23:56

Then i get really thirsty

SPag2018 · 05/08/2018 23:57

I had a super strong letdown and it would crash over me like a wave and then ebb away. Exactly at the time my milk let down. Definitely to do with hormones.

Original poster
haribosmarties · 06/08/2018 00:03

Its an actual thing then!! I only just thought to even ask about this as with my son I had PND so I just assumed it was something to do with that... but this time round I feel totally fine and happy the rest of the time its just this intense feeling of dread everytime she latches just as the milk comes in. I just thought it might be me but it seems it is an actual thing that many women experience. How strange!
Does anyone know if theres anything you can do about it? Is it to do with diet or something? Or is it just something I have to put up with?

Its good to know im not just mad!

I want to breastfeed my daughter for as long as possible but its really horrible. Its like when you drive over a bump and leave your stomach behind but its dread and fear iyswim
Only lasts a few mins but its a few mins I could do without

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Original poster
haribosmarties · 06/08/2018 00:08

wouldntwearittothebog just googled D-Mer.. thats exactly what it is! Thanks!!

OP posts:
masterstef · 06/08/2018 06:00

My baby is 6 months and I don't think I get it any more.

StealthPolarBear · 06/08/2018 06:11

I remember this ad I actually used to get it as a child too, followed by the thirst. I rarely get it any more.

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 06/08/2018 06:28

Yes. And that thirst! A few times while feeding and having a drink my throat would kind of be paralysed open and I'd pour the entire glass down my throat without the need to swallow Confused grim!

Knitjob · 06/08/2018 06:30

Me too. It was like really strong sad homesickness for me. But I was in my home, it was weird.

Yarnswift · 06/08/2018 06:41

Yes it’s DMER. It often goes after a couple of months (mine did.)

How old is your baby? I think even just being aware it was a thing helped me.

TheThirdOfHerName · 06/08/2018 06:58

I used to get this. Quite reassured to find that it's not just me.

flumpybear · 06/08/2018 08:26

D-MER yes I had this too - did t realise what it was til after I had Two babies - but awash with horrible waves of emotion from fear And hate, to love and I don't know what but it t was a strong emotional response - I used to DREAD it so much - I actually combi fed in the end to help stop it as realised it was due to BF but s don't know how or what

Original poster
haribosmarties · 06/08/2018 13:05

My daughter is only a few weeks old so hopefully it will get easier then!
Thanks guys its really helpful to know this is an actual thing!
I was worried it was something wrong with me and meant my PND might come back... but it does just seem to be for these few mins during the letdown.
How odd ive never heard of it if so many women experience it. They should surely include it in the breastfeeding leaflets and advice to let women know?

OP posts:
Whofuckingknows · 06/08/2018 14:09

I have this too, I had it in my first pregnancy and now I’m having it again with my newborn. I was also googling it a few days ago and was so pleased to know that it’s a recognized thing - DMER, but it reall isn’t well known at all so people often assume it’s PND but it’s totally different thing. In the hospital I had a visit from a Lactation nurse and she made me feel like an idiot when I mentioned it - I just assumed she would’ve come across other people
who had experienced it but she didn’t know what I was talking about. Since reading about it it’s actually improved for me, and the times that it does occur I now tell myself it’s just a chemical whatever imbalance and distract myself. Just anything to not concentrate on the feeling which for me is a horrible sudden wave of depression. So glad this thread is on here, hopefully anyone who has this will be able to find this thread and know they’re not alone.

LarryUnderwood · 06/08/2018 17:40

Yes me too, with DS2. I also had mild PND with him and altogether it was a very unhappy time. I grit my teeth and breastfed for 6 months but I hated most of it, I just felt empty and bleak at every feed. With DS1 I was fine. It was so weird. Me and DS2 couldn’t be closer and I felt very bonded with him right from birth. But in hindsight I think I should have moved to formula a bit earlier instead of feeling so awful for such a long time.

Harebellmeadow · 15/08/2018 22:40

Wow, learnt something rarely known and amazing again from mumsnet. Thankyou, will have this knowlege in my head for when DD2 arrives, just in case. Never come across it in any breastfeeding books, and i have read loads of them!

Jillcrewespony · 15/08/2018 22:47

That is so interesting. I experienced this when breastfeeding both my children, and I always assumed it was some strange quirk of my own - I never knew anyone else who experienced this.

Wicket2016 · 31/08/2018 03:17

I'm so relieved I found this thread! I feel fine the rest of the time, but when I start feeding I feel sick and anxious. Like most people have said it passed after a little while. I thought it was just me! I've never read about this before, but feel so much better knowing other people feel it too x

Fakingit36 · 31/08/2018 22:55

So interesting. I definitely have a wave of something emotional but not sadness - actually more euphoric but kind of wistful-euphoric if that makes ANY sense. If I listen to some beautiful music it’s really heightened emotion for maybe half a minute. Bonkers.

FabulousTomatoes · 31/08/2018 23:00

Yes, with dd1. I don’t remember getting it with dd2. I can only remember likening it to a drugs comedown; really horrible Sad