Post baby body

[overthemoonbymidnight]

I'm so depressed about the way I look. I used to be a size 10 / 12 and more than happy with my weight and body.

I'm now a 16. I had a very heavy baby a year and a half ago, I put on a lot of weight during pregnancy and even more after birth. I had a c section and although the scar doesn't bother me at all, the loose skin, stretch marks, saggy tummy, etc is all just leaving me feeling so depressed.

Some of you will say those are to remind me how amazing my body is to have made such a wonderful baby, or that those are my battle wounds and that I survived. It just doesn't feel like that. I see my reflection in the mirror, in cars or shop windows and just want to cry. I hate seeing pictures of myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I hate the way my body feels, looks, moves. Everything.

I've lost 10lbs and I should be proud of myself but the skin gets more loose and more saggy and I'm just more embarrassed and more ashamed of how I look.

I don't really know what response I'm looking for from people. That it gets better? That you get used to it? I don't know. Maybe just writing it down will help.

In exactly the same boat, OP. We'll get there. You're not alone.

OP I'm the same. I can't even seem shift any of the weight so well done in your 10lb loss! To make matters worse I was at a family bbq yesterday where 2 relatives around my age were there with their babies (both younger than mine) and they have literally snapped back to their pre-pregnancy bodies - they were both in short shorts and vest tops, one even had a bit of tanned midriff on show! I don't know how people do it! I can't really reassure you as I'm in the same boat. I have, however, decided that I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm just going to keep trying to make healthy choices and try not to compare myself to others.

@sirlee66 I'm sorry you feel the same! I hope it gets better for both of us!

@KatnissK I'm sorry you're in the same boat! I can totally sympathise with the get together situation. I was recently in a similar situation. When the photos went up on fb I just cried.

I hope things improve for you and you manage to stay as positive as you sound!!

I’m in the same situation - both my sister and I haven’t managed to loose the baby weight, we’re both still breastfeeding and I’ve just found out I’m 14weeks pregnant and dreading the fact I’m going to be like this for even longer. The only way we can get rid of it is by eating fewer calories. Exercise is hard work when you have little ones and feeling like poo - if you find the miracle cure let me know lol. Be kind to urself xx

I had to look at the username name to make sure this wasn’t one of my previous posts! I’m in the same boat: a heavy baby followed by a section has ruined my body. I’m size 16 with a saggy tummy, it’s still numb and might always be, and it just feels like a huge flap of dead flesh hanging on my front. The more weight I lose, the worse I look. DH has removed all mirrors from the house because I wouldn’t stop crying.

I used to be pretty - in my early 20s I did a bit of modelling for catalogue photos etc - and now I look like a car crash. I’m not used to being “ugly” and not feeling like one of the prettiest in the room. When someone looks at me I don’t feel good or wonder if he fancies me any more. I just feel ashamed and sad because I know he doesn’t. I know age changes us all, but that’s a gradual process and this has happened to me literally in the space of one year. What’s worse it it clearly doesn’t happen to everyone - I see loads of slim mums whose tummies just snapped back - and I feel like I’ve been singled out for punishment. Why me?

I’ve promised myself I’ll diet down to my target weight and see what I look like. Until I achieve that, nobody can really say how good/bad I’ll look. And if I’m still hideous I fully intend to remortgage the house and have surgery on my stomach. It’s the only thing that keeps me going, because I can’t believe I have to live the rest of my life looking like this.

for you OP, I know how awful it is. Well done on your weight loss so far.

Oh OP this is/was me. I literally ate everything I wanted while I was pregnant and continued to do so while breastfeeding... went from a slim 10 to a 16. I went to a wedding at the beginning of June and cried that morning as I felt I looked so terrible, and when I saw the pics of myself I just felt utterly hideous and cried again. I didn't even feel like myself, I just wanted to hide away. However, i decided enough was enough joined SW shortly after and have now lost 1 stone, with another still to go... I know it sounds cheesy, but used my self loathing to motivate me to shed the pounds. I too had a c section and still find too much exercise difficult so aside from walking I focusing on diet. Honestly, you can get back to a size 10/12 - but you have to be patient and persevere. I've set myself goals, I've treated myself to some new outfits now I've lost a stone and will do the same again when I've lost another. Every week after weigh in I have 1 treat - whatever I like (cake, pizza, chocolate). If I fall off the wagon I tell myself it didn't take xx chocolate bars/biscuits or whatever it is so get this way, so not to let that defeat me.

I completely understand how horrid you're feeling, but YOU CAN DO THIS! X

I’m in exactly the same boat. My baby is 15 months and although I’ve lost 20kg, I’ve got another 10kg to go and I’m stuck. I’m still a size 16 (I was huge when he was born - must have been a 20 at least). He was a whopper and I put on at least 30kg with him.

I went shopping today and feel so shit. I’ve got a diastasis and it’s really bad up high - my girth is gigantic. I tried on a jumpsuit and the material was stretched so thin in one spot above my belly button that it was transparent. I tried on a tshirt with a knot detail at the bottom, and my saggy, wrinkly, fat bellybutton sat perfectly visible through the little hole above the knot. I wanted to cry.

I do a mix of diets, as I get bored easily and like to do a few weeks on, few weeks off. Most recently I only managed 2 weeks of low carbing before getting disheartened and falling off the wagon. Low carbing is my favourite diet as well! I feel so stuck on my current 75kg and can’t seem to shift any more. It’s so fucking depressing. I feel like a monster.

It’s not just the difficulty of dieting. It’s the sadness that all the dieting in the world won’t fix me. I could diet down to a size 8 and I’d still have this awful saggy stomach scarred with stretch marks. It doesn’t motivate you to diet when you know there’s no point. It’s soul destroying.

My Gran advised me to slim down as much as possible then compensate for the incurable bits with lots of nice clothes and expensive jewellery... because I’ll get old but my diamonds won’t

I hate my post baby body I'm not much bigger but a different shape and I don't like it. Massive bum and lower tummy. My dp says he loves me as I am etc but didn't change how I feel.
Your doing amazing if you've lost that much op , I'm struggling to not just eat crap as it's quick and easy and I'm exhausted all the time.
Only advice is i think exercise is supossed to help with thr loose skin etc but I could be wrong.

Thank you all of you for your responses. I guess it's a relief to know there are people out there who know how I feel. Although it's heartbreaking as well as I wouldn't wish this on anyone. We should all be enjoying our babies and it's just awful that every happy moment feels tainted somehow.

There are bits in all of your stories that I can relate to. The fear of losing the weight and hating what my body will look like is so real. I also have diastasis recti and as I'm losing weight it's becoming more prominent which is just fab!!

Someone hit the nail on the head - it's the sadness. The overwhelming sadness that this is what life is now. That no matter what I do the damage has been done. It's hard to get over.

Just to chime in again to say you’re not alone. All my NCT friends have 100% snapped back to looking like they’ve never even seen a baby let alone grown one and I still look 6 months pregnant but with a one year old baby it feels so unfair to be the only one, and it’s virtually impossible to find the time or energy to do the amount of exercise that would make any difference. I’ve tried dieting but I always crack after a week or so. It’s hard to constantly be hungry or denying yourself stuff when you’re tired. I don’t know what the solution is but I was really hoping to get on top of it before trying for another baby it’s reassuring to know pregnancy and birth doesn’t let everyone off Scott free x

OP I was recommended to do Pilates to improve diastasis. It’s really good for strengthening your core and pulling the muscles back together. Once you’ve learned the exercises at a weekly class you can do them at home too.

@LlamaPyjamas I've been recommended to do that too but to be honest I'm too embarrassed of the way I look to even go to a class. It's awful. I've got a DVD but trying to find time and peace and quiet to do it is proving tricky!

Go to a class! Nobody cares what you look like and it’s the only way you get that hour uninterrupted for yourself. A teacher can correct your posture and advise you which exercises are safe to do with diastasis. My teacher shouts out modified exercises for different needs eg ladies with bad backs remain standing but still do the arm movements, ladies with diastasis leave out the shoulder lift, etc.

Thanks @LlamaPyjamas - you're right! I just need to man up!

I feel for you @overthemoonbymidnight

I’ve gone up by 8kg since I got pregnant with DD in May 2015.

Had DS in rapid succession and my core is just all over the place; two CS’ has really fucked with me.

However, I’ve just in the past couple of weeks started to try Intuituve Eating; it’s basically relearning how you consume/enjoy/value food and endeavours to rewire your brain to get off the guilt/deprivation/rebellion/binge roundabout.

Thanks to this website I’ve also discovered a gem of a podcast called “don’t salt my game”; it’s worth listening to.

Through just making healthier choices I can feel my clothes looser on me. The scales are in hiding thanks to DH and I’m starting to see my kangaroo pouch shrink. It’s not because of my weight per se; I think it’s down to the fact I’m not eating haribos, crisps and chocolate in large quantity every single fucking day.

DS is now 10months and it’s only now I’m starting to come to terms with things a bit. My overhang is strong and I plan to get a tummy tuck and a boob lift at 43, after all the having babies is over.

Just be careful not to slip into a mindset of disordered eating. I was there; at risk of losing it completely and then realised I’ve got to “relearn” how to eat.

I empathise; god do I empathise. But give the podcast a spin. It’s certainly made me feel better mentally (and it’s not all that “BUT YOU MADE A BABY HUN” shit. And FWIW: step away from Instagram if you’re on there. Now!)

Thanks!! That's got to be the worst - the "you just had a baby" comments. I know! I was there! And is that supposed to make me feel any better?!?!

I think for the first nine months or so you do kinda have to offer it up to the gods; the body takes as long to return to “normal” as it did to grow a baby I think but I fully empathise with that feeling of looking in the mirror and going “who/what is that?”

I think the best way to make positive progress is to try to eat for nutrition. For me the definite positive results are coming as I’ve been off the scales the longest I’ve ever been.

My baby is almost six weeks old and I'm reading the thread with interest. How does anyone get time to exercise if bf exclusively? I'm shattered as he's not sleeping and barely get time to make toast, so I'm living on crap :(

@Spanglyprincess1 I formula fed so can't help too much regarding that. Although my little one used to hate being put down so everything I ate had to be made 1 handed. I got very reliant on eating sensibly when other people were around to help and living off toast the rest of the time.

Exercise wise we walk a lot.

I did five mile walk with pushchair n dogs. Would have been easy pre baby but crippled me. My stomach and back were on fire (5 weeks post baby)

It took a really long time before I was able to walk anywhere near that far!!

@spanglyprincess1 unless exercise was a major part of your life before baby go easy.

Walking is cool; but I advise being seen by a post natal physio if you can spare the cash and you have one nearby. My mate is one and OMG some of the stuff that can happen when you hit it too hard too early. Vaginal prolapse: not cool and shocking easy to invite if you don’t respect the body’s limits.

Sorry that sounds like a massive lecture aimed at you! It’s not.