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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

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Original poster

Regret?

15 replies

Olivia1987 · 31/07/2018 09:30

I had my baby two weeks ago, he came 3 weeks 4 days early. Labour and birth were both fine no complications he came fast lol.

Anyway since being home I’ve been having feelings of regret. I hate to say this I hate to think this of this beautiful baby boy of mine but I miss my partner, I miss my life before. My partner and I are so close we would do what we wanted when we wanted. Last night we had our first proper cuddle in bed together since the baby was born (until the baby started crying) I just wanted to stay with him cuddled up.

I feel so awful saying all this. I’m so lucky to have a healthy baby boy. I’m not a big crier but it feels like that’s all I want to do apart from sleep.

My partner is supportive in his own way. I asked him the other day not to leave me. He finds it tough too. Being parents is hard.

OP posts:

sleepyhead · 31/07/2018 09:33

What does "supportive in his own way" look like?

The early days are hard and it will get easier, but you'll find it easier (imo) to stay close if you parent as a team and don't fall in to the default of you doing all the care and your partner more or less going on with his life as normal.

Spanglyprincess1 · 31/07/2018 09:35

Honestly it's totally normal. My baby boy is four weeks old and perfect but he's exhausting and occasionally I feel regrets. However in the last week we have managed an hour's couple time for cuddles. We also cuddled as a family on the sofa with baby between us a few times. It gets much easier.
If the feeling stays though might be working speaking to someone as could a sign of pnd.
Congrats on your baby xx

Original poster

Olivia1987 · 31/07/2018 09:36

He’s trying. He’s so scared of hurting him. He does the house work and cooking he looks after me while I do more with the baby. He is getting better though. We take it in turns to have a break if the baby is crying none stop.

OP posts:

fieldmuse · 31/07/2018 09:42

After dc1 I thought I'd made a massive mistake and was sad he wouldn't have any siblings because I wasn't doing that again! It gets easier and you adjust. But keep an eye out for pnd.

Dc1 now has a brother...

OrgyOfBarminess · 31/07/2018 09:45

How r u feeding atm op?

It is a massive alteration to your life, you spend 9 months building yourself up to this enormous change and i don't think it's ever as expected. So please do not worry about worrying. You are a new mum it's all new but if you are feeling down it's not a bad idea asking for a bit of help from your health visitor, friends and family.

It's understandable that it is scary for your DP as well and I think for men it can be difficult as they've not had the initial bond of carrying the baby. It's good that he's taking care with feeding you and housework and eventually you'll work out to have some time to crash together. It is only early day so please try not to put so much pressure on yourself your doing fine lovely 😊

sleepyhead · 31/07/2018 09:51

Ok, just give yourself some time - it's such early days. Do try to get him to do more of the baby care though, it's the only way he'll get his confidence up and it's so easy for you to fall into the default position of the "expert" parent.

DreamingofSunshine · 31/07/2018 09:55

It's really early days and it's the biggest life change you'll ever have. Regrets are normal so don't feel guilty. My DS is a year old and I remember feeling like you but it does get better and now he's much more fun and we all sleep better I have far less regrets.

Please ask for, and accept help- family and friends helping you and your DC or cooking/cleaning.

Original poster

Olivia1987 · 31/07/2018 13:13

Thank you everyone. I took your advice straight away and got my sister to come over and sit with me for a bit. She helped with the baby which was amazing. I told her how I was feeling too. You ladies are great for advice. Honestly thank you. From a very tired, stressed but happier mummy.

OP posts:

LastOneDancing · 31/07/2018 13:16

I'm so glad you got some help today OP.

Nobody can prepare you for the changes a new baby brings.
I can remember about a week in, crying to my mum that I wanted everything the way it was before. I missed my old life so much.

Now my boys are my absolute world. It gets so much better, and quite quickly.

But never be scared to ask for help if it's all a bit much.

OrgyOfBarminess · 31/07/2018 13:21

Yay!

This is exactly what Mumsnet is here for lovely 😊 so glad your feeling better!

RidingMyBike · 31/07/2018 13:35

Yes, I spent ages regretting having my baby (born after four years of trying to conceive). I thought I'd ruined my life. I didn't like her very much at all. I had PND but no support other than anti-depressants. So do watch out for PND. Things improved once I got a break from the baby (at three months I started leaving her with DH whilst I went out to see friends once a week).

Now I love her lots but I must admit I really hated the baby year. Take what support you have available so you get a break.

Aspenn17 · 07/08/2018 14:41

I felt exactly like LastOneDancing described. I cried quite a few times the first few weeks because I felt terrified that our old life and our relationship were totally gone forever and nothing would ever be the same. But everyday I fell more and more in love with my baby and settled into my new life as a mum and now she is 3 months old and my absolute world, I adore spending everyday with her. I never feel like I miss my old life anymore, 100% this new one is so much better.

I think sleep deprivation and hormones make everything feel much worse than it really is, hope you’re feeling ok today OP x

Themerrygoroundoflife · 07/08/2018 14:46

I think you are normal. I adore my children but morn my old life. I don’t think I’d have been happ childfree so it’s not exactly a regret. But I’ve felt what you describe in bucket loads. It gets easier in some ways as they get older. You will get couple time again!

Noneedtocry · 08/08/2018 20:56

OP I could have written this myself 3 years ago ... after DS arrived I couldn't understand how any second siblings were born as who would do this to themselves if they knew what it involved? The changes, the hormones, the anxiety, the sleep deprivation all creates a heady mix that can leave you feeling completely shell shocked. Just remember everything changes so quickly, and gets better.

I was worried about having PND, I told my HV and she came to see me regularly to talk ... it really helped and by the time she came for the last appointment I was late because I'd been out chatting and having fun with NCT friends.

I'm now 3 weeks PP with DS2 - can confirm I do not and never will love the newborn phase, but I'm excited because I know the good stuff that's coming.

Wicket2016 · 12/08/2018 03:58

Just wanted to say I'm so glad I found these posts! My first dd is just over 2 weeks old and this is exactly how I've been feeling. My dh and family have been nothing but supportive but it doesn't take away these feelings. I've been very sleep deprived the last few days, I know that doesn't help. I don't want to wish this newborn time away, but I do look forward to her being more responsive and us having a routine. I'm so relieved I'm not the only one to feel like this! My mum and mother in law keep telling me it's normal but it is reassuring to hear from people with more recent experiences x

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