Struggling with 3yo and 15wk old

[Fuzzyduck21]

Just that really. I'm ebf. It's so hard. Baby feeds all the bloody time. Wont take dummy. I don't produce anything when pumping. I have no energy as 3yo takes about an hour minimum to go to bed at night while baby is crying for me downstairs while hubby tries to console him. Then 3yo is up in the night and I need to go in and resettle (won't have daddy or a tantrum begins). Once settled baby starts crying. Repeat multiple times. My house is a sh1t hole despite having cleaner once a week. It's not dirty it's just messy as I am constantly feeding or trying to do activities with 3yo. No family nearby and no friends I feel comfortable enough to help me. 3yo at nursery for a few hours a week but I feel utterly overwhelmed by my life at the mo and dread everyday. I wondered about pnd but I think it's really just the situation that's making me feel this way rather than pnd plus I adore my new baby and feel a very strong bond. I just feel I am not doing a good enough job of being a parent to either child because of the other child's needs. We spend most afternoons in front of cbeebies as I have no energy. I take bf vitamins so assume iron levels are fine. Just feel I can't cope with 2 kids at the age they are and want to cry feel incredibly trapped as I can see no way of making things better till baby grows up and can entertain himself a bit more. I'm also a sahm which doesn't help but with 2 kids I would be paying to go to work which I'm just not prepared to do. Sorry just needed to rant. Dh is very supportive but can't do much to help x

I'm there with you. My second is a bit older (7 months now). Things are starting to improve. We've found some new routines and ways of doing things. I used to fear bedtime so much but we've worked out how to do it. You will too. It'll come and you won't feel like this forever. Your house will be tidy when you tidy it (my mantra; i suffer from anxiety around mess). Your older child will adapt. Mine is 4.5 but has additional needs so in many ways younger, and she can now wait a little bit at bedtime. I think it was 5 months when I felt like i could manage. At 6 months I felt like i could manage well. I've had to choose not to get stressed when they're both screaming in the evening. Just head down, do what needs doing.
Having said that I am absolutely dreading the summer holidays. Right now I am sitting in a dark room, baby having fallen asleep feeding, so there is peace and time to recharge. Does your older one do the full 15 hours? If so can you afford to top up a few more each week just til you feel a bit more on top of life?

Oh also (and this is the most important factor which has enabled me to cope so I've no idea why I forgot to mention it!), SLING. Baby spends aLOT of time in my ergo. She can now sit and entertain herself for a little while but as soon as she gets niggly, in she goes. If she's tired she will be bounced to sleep, if not then as long as I potter about she's happy. And the pottering gets stuff done. I used to resent having her strapped to me all the time but it's at the point now where it is FAR preferable to having to soothe her constantly in other ways and not get anything done.