I’m not sure how much more I can take. This last week has got me to the point where yesterday morning I shut myself in the kitchen and poured a whiskey at 10am!!! (I quickly remembered I REALLY don’t like whiskey and nearly threw it straight back up) but I just needed SOMETHING.
I know logically I’m suffering with PND but I just can’t seem to do anything to help myself.
DS Is 2 and is normally such a good little boy but this week has been taken over by the devil himself. I’ve been sat crying my eyes out while he sits and kicks me in the back or pulled my hair, no matter how much I told him not to/it was naughty/he was making mummy sad, he just thought it was a game.
DD is 7 weeks old and I just can’t motivate myself to do anything with her. I feed her/change her etc, but I just don’t want to talk or play with her. She sleeps in little half an hour bursts though the day but only on me so I can’t get anything done & I know this is why DS is acting out too. I can’t remember the last time I saw an actual adult other than my husband/the doctor at our 6 week check last week. I feel so trapped and isolated and I can’t do anything about it. We’re supposed to be going to the races in a couple of weeks for a belated hen do (I was pregnant when we got married in Feb) and so far 6 people have dropped out with no real excuse barring one! It’s going to be me, my two sisters and two friends. I just feel like such a loser that I don’t even have friends that would want to come on my hen do!
I’ve spoken to my DH about it but this has almost made things worse because he is SO helpful. I know I sound so ungrateful but from the minute I told him he’s been taking over the night feed and telling me to go take time by my self or cooking the tea but I just feel so guilty. I should be able to do these things. He works full time so he shouldn’t have to come home on his lunch every day just because I can’t cope, or dive straight into bathtime the second he walks through the door. He insists he doesn’t mind but I’m so scared he’s going to wear himself out or just grow to resent me & leave. I booked me and the kids into a hotel for the night this week to give him the opportunity to properly relax and I didn’t even make it to 8:30pm before I rang him in tears and he came and got us. I honestly just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I’m so fed up of crying every day and just not being able to do this!!