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Feeling a bit lonely and down. Want more from nct but not sure how!

4 replies

NoLongerAskedForID · 13/07/2018 16:05

I've always tended to assume the worst and catastrophise. I think my friends would be surprised but I am very paranoid about my friendships and have times when I assume most people don't like me (I'm able to counteract this with a sensible voice that says this is highly unlikely).

I want more mum friends and I want more from the mum friends I do have, but don't know how to go about it. I'm outwardly sociable but I do think I withdraw in order to not look desperate.

My biggest worry (!) is my nct group. We all get on well and meet weekly, but I really really just want to organise informal drinks, for example. Locally, after babys bedtime. The problem is that some of the group can't do this due to OH working really late, so we end up organising an "event" which is great, but also three months in advance.

I want to crack below the surface of these friendships but truly don't know how. We all get on enough that there aren't any natural splinter groups. Though that doesn't stop me from being paranoid that the others meet up in twos or threes occasionally. They probably don't and again, I keep this strictly to myself.

I also feel isolated in baby classes as most mums go in nct pairs or small groups, and have little interest in expanding their social group.

It really gets me down some days. I know not working and pinning my current and future social life on these interactions adds pressure (fun day with nct = life is good. Not so fun/not much to talk about/miss a meetup- life is bad and I have no friends). I shouldn't put such pressure or focus on this but I can't help it. Too much thinking time.

What can I do?!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
FairyLightFiend · 13/07/2018 16:17

I don’t have the experience to offer you any specific advice here unfortunately. Hopefully someone will be along to help who does. I just wanted to say that I’m really impressed with how self aware and level headed you seem. Knowing that you’re being paranoid or a little irrational doesn’t completely stop you feeling that way, but it should at least stop you from getting too down on yourself about it all!

For what it’s worth, I would say that the NCT group and baby groups are both places that a little bit of honestly might work for you. Saying that you’d really benefit from a night out sooner than the next planned event might prompt one or two other people to admit that they feel the same way. Likewise with the baby group - perhaps approaching the most approachable looking pair or group with a smile and a “would you mind if I join you - I’m feeling like a lemon on my own!” May be a good enough ice breaker. It’s tough to be vulnerable with people, and it might not always work, but I’m willing to bet you might have some luck.

NoLongerAskedForID · 13/07/2018 18:50

Thank you for taking the time to respond. All good advice and I absolutely agree. Unsurprisingly not a fan of putting myself out there but I'll do it! Better than sitting at home all lonely and paranoid Smile

OP posts:
babybrainusedtobesmart · 13/07/2018 18:59

Send a message saying "I'm going to x pub/cafe on Friday if anyone wants to join me" - some might come. Probably not all, but it breaks the barrier with those that do

Tumon · 16/07/2018 07:00

I know the feeling! Maybe suggest a “random impromptu” local evening and even if it’s just 1/2 others from the group it would still be nice. Say it’s just to get the ball rolling and try to make it a regular thing.
Another great way to meet moms is baby Pilates /yoga classes? Or maybe swimming lessons? You find it’s the same moms (or dads!) that go each week and it’s quite easy to suggest a coffee and cake afterwards. I feel for you as it can be a lonely time and not all Nct groups bond as quickly as others. Alcohol definitely helps break down the barriers though Grin

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