AIBU- MIL issues

[Tirednewmum30]

Ima first time Mum to a 4 week old baby. I exclusively pump breast milk as baby struggles to latch on to breast. I had mastitis last week and just finished a course of antibiotics; since then I’ve been expressing every 1.5/2 hours. Yesterday my MIL asked if she could visit- I said it would be difficult as had health visitor coming and baby had been up all morning so would likely be asleep. She insisted on coming anyway. Baby was asleep for 2 hours, in which she just sat there waiting for him to wake up (whilst I desperately wanted to sleep as it was his first nap of the day). It got to the point where I was also desperate to express, which I told her, thinking she’d leave. Instead she stayed until he woke, I fed him, and he was then crying for more milk, which I needed to express! We aren’t that close and I’d prefer to express in private (if I’d known she was going to stay so long I’d have probably just got on with it, but with all my not so subtle hints I can’t believe she didn’t leave!). Anyway, it got to about 3 hours and I was in pain and baby wanted feeding, she eventually left when I took him from her. Now I have mastitis again and I’m so annoyed with MIL for outstaying her welcome and annoyed with myself for not being more insistent.
As a new Mum my confidence is low and today has been such a struggle trying to care for baby feeling so rubbish. AIBU for being annoyed? Also I want to limit visits to 45 mins (will say it’s for everyone but no one else has stayed longer than that anyway!)- do you think that’s acceptable?
Sorry for the rant..!

Just take it as a learning curve so next time you will know being polite doesn't work and will need to say 'no sorry. Today won't work I'm tired so want some time to myself' or 'can you head off now please I need to express and don't want to do it in front of people'.

If she tries something like 'I'll come over and you can have a rest then' or 'you can go to another room and I'll watch the baby' then just say 'no that's OK we'll sort out another time soon' and continue until she gives up. It will be a bit awkward because she is making you 'be rude', but shes putting you in that situation by being very rude herself.

Sounds horrible you poor thing.

I think you need to get dh to have a word with her. She needs to accept that sometimes you don’t want visits, just because you say you don’t. And as she is his mum I think that needs to come from him.

I totally get how you feel, I used to express and NO ONE except my partner was allowed to see me doing it. You will have to learn to be clearer. Explicitly saying what you want, need and feel works with most people.
"I need to express milk now. I need to be alone to do that, otherwise I can't relax."
"Would you mind leaving now - I need to pump milk, and I really don't like expressing with anyone else in the house."
"I don't want any visitors today, I'm tired and want some time alone with my baby. How about Wednesday?"
"you are welcome to come and see us, but only for half an hour. I have had a lot of visitors and it's very tiring, so I am limiting all visits to half an hour."

There's no need to be rude, just say how you feel and be very clear. It's not easy but once you've found the courage to say it, things will be much easier. The standard MN response is that you need to get your DH to talk to his mum, but I think it's better to speak to your MIL directly as it will positively affect your whole relationship. Besides, your DH isn't always going to be there when a problem arises.

Thanks so much for the replies- feel a lot better now about being more assertive