This could be a long one, sorry 😕
I became a Mum for the first time 5 months ago, struggled somewhat initially with my emotions but found getting into a routine with baby helped massively.
My son and partner are wonderful. Some days LO can be clingy and difficult but he’s a baby and I understand this. My partner has openly admitted that he isn’t the most patient and supportive of people but has tried to understand and console me when I’m having a bad day/week.
Life isn’t bad and I feel guilty and ashamed at how horrific I feel at times.
I’m not even sure at how to explain how I feel or why I feel the way I do. Writing it down or saying it in my head makes it all sound so irrational and pathetic 😞
Ive had difficulties with my partners family over the past few months which has gotten to me more than I’d like. He has a large family and it seems everyone is against me for one thing or another.
• A dispute between my partner and his brother has resulted in the brothers fiancé cutting me off completely - no children’s party invites/Facebook deletion.
• I assume as a result of this the gf of another brother has distanced herself also - they live very close but haven’t spoken to me or visited my child in 6 weeks.
• My partners mother confronted me in front of many members of their family to ask why I was always so miserable looking! 😔
• When the above is brought up by my partner to his family excuses and defensive remarks are the only responses.
I get easily embarrassed and self conscious and so have noticeably distanced myself from them which isn’t helping matters. My partner thinks I should be the bigger person and make the effort to resolve the ‘issues’.
I am also distancing myself from my own family despite the majority being supportive/helpful/loving. I’ve found that I’ve always done this when I’m low.
I have one close friend of 13 years and since having my son have noticed a significant change in effort from her. We hardly see each other and if we do it’s brief and talk is concentrated on her life, marriage, work etc. I find myself, after each meet, coming away feeling worse.
I have never felt so alone in all of my life. I feel completely lost and struggle to recognise myself anymore. I thought at first that my low mood was caused by some weight gain and lack of sleep. But I lost the baby weight (through SW) and since baby started sleeping through things haven’t improved.
Without work or a social life (my job allowed for an active social life and colleagues got together most weeks for drinks/events etc) I don’t seem to function well. I question whether in fact I ever had any true friendships at work because no one from work has been in touch since my Maternity began.
I wake up every morning and panic at how to fill my day. I know not a single person who’s had a baby recently and so don’t have another ‘Mum’ to talk to. There aren’t any baby groups locally and so have no opportunity to meet new people.
I’m at a loss and am so scared that my mood and constant crying is pushing my partner away. Losing him would be it for me. I’d then have no one left.
I know my own faults and I know I can be difficult sometimes but I still know my own worth. I’m generous, kind, loving and try to make everyone I meet feel welcome in my company so why does it feel like no one wants me around.
I just want someone that I can talk to and that genuinely wants my company.
Being in my own head right now feels isolating and unhealthy. Too many negatives thoughts have nestled their way in.
If anyone has any kind words that may help me to bring myself out of this rut I’d welcome them x