Does it get any better, really?

[superchicken]

I am currently breastfeeding my 4 week old son and I hate it, every-time he latches I feel depressed, sad, I don't enjoy feeding him one bit. My breasts are sore and painful my nipples super sensitive, we are doing everything right and have been checked my midwives and lactation consultants but I just hate it. I can't bring myself to put him on formula because I truly believe it's not good for him but when does it get easier or does it? This is affecting my whole life now and making me miserable.

I had 3 children all older I breast feed all 3
First one was a fertility treatment baby 8 years tycoon and I wanted to do it all right but I got mastitis so stopped after 6 weeks

Baby 2 I breast feed her 17 months she wouldn’t wean off me and I remember how it was all very much just feeding her in the first 3 months

3rd 2 weeks she was too hungry for me and I couldn’t supply her enough so stopped

1. You could express that way gives you a break.
2. So half breast 1/2 formula so maybe one feed breast next formula
3. Stop

If your feeling low ask health visitor for a post natal depression check it’s natural to be. Very tired but probably not to feel too low.

That's really helpful thank you, I would ideally like to express and bottle feed but I'm having a real problem getting him to take a bottle. Everytime I've tried it's a massive fight and he gets himself so worked up. How did you manage to get your children to take one?

My little one is 9 1/2 months now and still breastfed. He was a total nightmare in the early days as he basically lived on the breast, each night he would have 5 hour cluster feeds and then would only sleep in either my arms or dh’s. At other stages he would only feed laying down, and even now he is picky about where he is fed! Breastfeeding can be really hard at times, but in my opinion it is also truely worth it. And even when I’m exhausted I don’t regret it because to me it’s the ultimate bonding experience.

Admittedly I did intend to express so that I could have a break and my hubby could enjoy feeding him but it didn’t work out as apparently my body doesn’t like pumps! But when I did manage to get some eventually he refused the bottle anyway as he did with dummies when I needed him to sleep!

You just need to weigh up the pros and cons for you and if you think down the line you would regret stopping or whether your not that phased. But also, speak to someone if you are feeling down. It can all be very overwhelming and if you have post natal depression it won’t necessarily go away by itself. Believe me, I waited months before I went to the doctors and in retrospect it would have been better all round to have gone sooner

It does!! Promise!
I had a terrible time for first 10 weeks with terrible latch on one side and overactive let down and I hated doing it, but now it’s super easy and I don’t even think twice about it.
I have had a love hate relationship with it and intend to stop in a month once he’s 7/8 months and having three meals but I am so so glad I persisted with it.
To help I set myself targets of ‘I’ll keep going until ... weeks and then reassess’ it helped.
Solely expressing is very tough from what I hear from family and friends who have done it.
It is totally your choice what you do. The first few weeks are tough but ‘it will pass’ just keep going with what you think is best for you both

I kept trying different bottles and put breast milk on the teets

Thank you all for your advice, really makes me feel better and I'm obviously not alone in it being really difficult in the beginning. I am going to do what you said and try and set little targets and see how I go because I really do want him to have the benefits of breast milk even if I don't feel the bonding side of it yet.

Whilst it's great if you want to carry on and everyone will encourage that, please know that it is ok to stop too. There is nothing wrong with formula.
I felt exactly like you to the point where I just wanted to get in my car and drive away.
DP bought formula. Stopped BF. The difference it made to my mental health was almost instant. Pure relief.

Yes it gets better and easier. Had a horrific start to BF my eldest (BF for two years), easy time with my middle child (BF again for two years) and now my 6 week old son it was really bloody hard until about 4-5 weeks, it hurt far more than I remembered! He just latches differently I guess (although still correctly).
Don’t feel bad for not breastfeeding if you decide not to though, it’s not a big deal, but just remember that this gets way easier and has a tonne of benefits (I’m not just talking nutritional, I’m talking the mother of all pacifying effects etc) so pushing through the pain this time was easier as I knew what I was getting back from it.

Good luck!

Why do you feel formula is not good for him? Surely the millions upon millions of healthy kids fed on it and the scientific studies would prove otherwise?

@ijustwannadance is right though, it’s not worth your mental health so just keep that in mind and stop if it gets too much

Do what feels right for you, and if you do move to formula, don’t feel bad.

I switched to formula at 6 weeks old, and it was the best thing I did for both DD and I. She was so much happier, more settled, and we all got some SLEEP!

I was a much happier, calmer and all round better mum for it. Don’t sacrifice your mental health for the ideal of breastfeeding. If it’s not working for you, it’s not working. I put so much pressure on myself to BF and looking back I really have no idea why.

My little one is just over a month old, I have never been able to latch her properly and due to her low birth weight I started her with formula.

When my milk came in I started to express, for the first few weeks I expressed as much as possible and tried to give her solely that, however I found she was hungry for more and I could not keep up with her demand.

We have now started a routine where we give her formula first thing in the morning and last thing at night, we then give her BM the rest of the time. It works out that she has 1/3 formula and 2/3 breast milk.

We are both happier this way and I find I can build up a stock of BM for going out and about and it means I’m not expressing every two hours which is getting exhausting!

It also means my OH gets a chance to feed her and give me a much needed break :-)

I would say it’s great that you’re able to breast feed directly, however try to express some so your OH or someone else can do a feed. If you are getting really down, formula does work and sometimes it’s nice to combination feed.

It is entirely up to you, my main concern to start with was feeling like an utter failure for having to give her formula. Which is extremely daft. The minute you overcome that in your own mind the minute you can move forward with a decision.

Good luck with whatever you decide xx

"Don’t sacrifice your mental health for the ideal of breastfeeding"

Totally agree with this. I don't want to be the negative voice but looking back, I wish I had stopped BFing sooner as like you I didn't feel any bonding effect and it was so hard and unenjoyable. I found it embarrassing as I had to use nipple shields forever (all 6 months I did it for - latch never improved). I looked forward to the one feed a day we decided to do as formula to give me a break (after about 2 weeks), and as formula feeds increased I felt incrementally better. In hindsight my mental health would have been a lot better if I'd Just stopped! I resented 'having' to do it, and as it turns out that feeling and the guilt for it has remained with me whereas the guilt I felt about formula feeding? Gone - my daughter is happy and has been ill less frequently than many others who were EBF. It is really hard at first, and physically it does get easier, but please do weigh up all the factors including your own mental health which is so important, and don't put yourself through the ringer! The sleep deprivation will do that for you! Be kind to yourself x