Hate my husband

[Couchpotatoed]

After a traumatic pregnancy, traumatic after birth, traumatic post-natal period and ending up back in hospital, DH was brilliant for the first 2 weeks after DS birth. He was fully engaged and on board with everything we went through and I felt I loved him more than ever.

Fast forward a few weeks and we've settled at home now. DS is our 2nd child. I keep on flying off the handle at DH. Im finding breastfeeding a struggle this time and I'm sat feeding for hours in the evenings. However, since the world cup started thats all DH seems to care about. I'm feeding staring out of the window most evenings whilst DH hogs the TV and watches constant football, he wont talk to me whilst it's on. I keep trying to talk about how I'm feeling in regards to the feeding etc but he just looks bored! Yesterday, he came home and I was in floods of tears as baby had been cluster feeding for 2.5 hours straight and I hadnt been able to leave the bedroom and he just fobbed me off. Its like he doesnt care. As a result, I really verbally laid into him and I feel disgusting about it.

He cant seem to make a decision either and still keeps looking to me to make every decision regarding the house and DC1 and I'm so exhausted I just need him to take the reins a bit. Every response he gives is "I don't know" "what do you want to do" as if he can't think for himself. As DS cluster fed again last night, I sat in tears and DH didn't even notice as he was so absorbed in the football. I feel I hate him right now. How can he be so supportive and then suddenly be so disinterested and uncaring?

We are spending virtually no time together as he is sleeping on the sofa as DS is awake a lot during the night and wont be put down. I need to feel his closeness and support more than ever but I just suddenly feel very alone.

Bloody football. I mean I know the attitude has to do there to start with but it turns prats into megaprats.

I haven’t got any advice I’m afraid, I’ve never had to deal with this (liking football to the detriment of a normal life, like being in a “cult”, was always a dealbreaker with me and partners) but .

All I can suggest is disengage from him. See if he realises how nasty he’s being.

Hey

My LO is over a month now and I am starting to bloody hate the football!

My partner who usually is not a fan of it is also going mad for it at the moment!

Not that it’s an excuse for them because what your husband is doing sounds like he’s not giving you 100% but my partner had a strop with me a few days ago quoting “he just can’t seem to get anything right!” He mentioned that there were a few things that were doing his head in
He is so tired he’s making mistakes at work
He’s at work a lot because they are understaffed at the minute so he’s having to do long hours which I’m really mad about and he says it’s stressful when I call to ask him when he’s gonna be home (usually when LO has not given me a break in 4 hours and all I want to do is go to the loo, eat something and change my top and bra which has been covered in puke :-( )
He also said I’m having a go at him a lot, usually because he’s either no patience with LO and if she’s not fallen asleep or done what he wants her to do within 5 minutes he gets fed up and passes her back to me and says “well I tried!” Which gets me annoyed!

The other day we had a massive row due to the football, he went out with a mate after work, so I had looked after LO non stop and got very little rest from her, I was exhausted so I asked him to be back after a couple of hours so I could get some sleep before tackling the night shift with her! I told him even if it went into extra time he would still need to be back! Low and behold it came to it and the game went into extra time he text me saying he’s staying out until it had finished and don’t worry he will do the night feeds for longer while I caught up! I told him that he needed to be home now because I was getting really tired, baby would not settle and I needed support. He text back saying he will be another hour. I went mad at him and tried to ring but the sod had switched his phone off! When he got home we had a massive row but he said not to worry because he will stay up with baby and I can get a couple of hours sleep now, I accepted but he was up shortly afterwards as LO was crying and he said he’s getting really tired and could I take over as he needs to get to sleep for work! I then got really mad at him again because he had not given me what he promised when I agreed he could go out and see the football!

I also feel like I’m being a total cow to him because I’m taking away his freedom! But at the same time we have a new baby, neither of us should have any freedom until she’s a little bit older.

Sorry I’m having a rant now! What I’m trying to say is you’re not a lone, I think with men they can get massively overwhelmed and I think the way they cope with it is to detach from the situation and maybe cling to something of their old life, football and going out seems to be the theme at the moment?

It seems unfair on us ladies as we can’t really do that as our little ones are dependant on us 100% and we can’t really take a break like they can.

I think it’s something that may blow over once your little one gets a bit older in the meantime I would suggest looking at your support network, friends, family for support? If you don’t have much of that in your area google baby groups, I know it’s hard getting out with a little one especially when they are cluster feeding or out of sorts but I’ve found seeing friends and other mums a couple of times a week keeps me sane and gives me a good excuse to get out the house and talk to people who are going grouch the same thing about feeding and the joys and not so joys of having a new baby, even for an hour.

I have been told this stage does not last forever so it’s just a case of powering through, let me know if you’re wanting a chat?