Hi, it's quite hard to explain what's going on for me at the moment. I guess the aim is to hopefully get some advice from someone just reading my story without knowing me.
My little one is 10 months old, and over the last few months my mental health has slowly but surely taken a turn for the worst. It's come as a huge surprise, as I thought I was coping pretty well. I decided to go back to work part time when my child was 5 months old and it felt like the right decision at the time. I then went for my Masters degree not so long ago, but during the interview something triggered and I completely broke down, I faced a rejection and it has set me on a path that had been building for a while. I think it was the emotional tip that has been building since the suicide of my brother 2 years ago.
I've not had time to grieve, I've always been so busy, and when I'm not- I'm constantly finding something to focus on, a new project. Now I'm in a period of 'calm' and have time for thoughts I'm struggling, I want to escape.
I currently live quite far from my hometown in Wales, and with no family support I'm desperate to go back. My partner is brilliant and I keep pushing him away, and desperately want him to say we can sell the house and get new jobs and move- I know this will take time but he's not keen on the idea, he knows how worried I am about my emotions and I fear he thinks it's just a phase.
I feel so unsettled and uncertain about the future. I was told by the GP it sounds like PND, but I'm so confused about it all. We even went to visit my OH's family this weekend (literally feels like they are perfect) and I had a panic attach and started hitting the car before we left.
This is not like me. I love my child more than anything and I feel like I'm letting him down.
I would really appreciate it if you felt able to share your experiences or words of wisdom 😊
Thanks for reading!