Ftm feeling useless

[Lilbeth1986]

Hi all,
I’m a ftm and my baby is 12 days old.Ive waited years to have him and it took a while to get pregnant and I was so happy when I did!
Had a generally amazing pregnancy,felt so healthy and happy and couldn’t wait for labour and to be a mum!
Ended up with quite a traumatic forceps delivery after labour took a whole day.This left me feeling obviously ill and quite guilty I hadn’t managed to labour naturally as I wanted.
Then I struggled to breastfeed as he was so sickly having swallowed so much mucus so I have ended up exclusively bottle feeding.I initially felt guilty about this too but now I’m happy that my husband or anyone else but me can also feed him.
I’m wondering if I still have the baby blues 12 days on because I don’t feel overwhelmingly in love with my baby.He has colic which makes evenings and night times long and hard.I dread it going dark because I know i won’t get more than 2 hours of sleep each time he settles-if he does settle.
I can’t understand how I’ve gone from wanting this more than anything to wondering what on earth I’ve done.Do you think the connection will come and I’ll stop feeling like this as time goes on?
My family by the way are very supportive and helpful but I haven’t told them completely how I’m feeling as I feel so guilty about it.

Hi OP, so sorry your are feeling like this.
I had issues breast feeding too and it killed me to bottle feed, but it's was a bit of a relief that others could help.

You've been through so much, it's okay to struggle with that. I found motherhood the biggest and hardest change to my life.

I didn't realise I was struggling until much later, I burst in to tears to DH and the to HV. But it was such a relief to tell him.

Please use your support network and talk to them, those feelings will come eventually.

Even just talking about it can really help lift a weight. Or failing family, because I know it's sometimes hardest to tell those closer to us, speak to your midwife or HV, they are there to help x

I still had baby blues at 12 days, it took about 3 weeks before I had a day without any crying and I was kind of scared of my baby at first. Talk honestly about your feelings with midwife and HV, don't try to put on a good face. Either you will start to feel better or there will be help available.

What matters is you two survived the birth and he is fed and healthy, don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Forgot to add- the nights will get easier, I remember thinking the nights were like a form of torture, just as I would finally start drifting of DD would wake. But they grow so quickly it won't be long until they sleep longer.
DD is nearly 5 months and has been sleeping through since 4, with only waking once since about 3 months x