Hi
Just wanted to post my thoughts somewhere as I don't feel I can discuss the fact that I experience health anxiety with anyone in real life.
My little dd is now 8 weeks old, healthy and lovely (and a big relief after experiencing a late loss three years ago). Often, recently, I have felt really happy and positive about things but I have also noticed some degree of anxiety creep in and it mainly centres around health.
My husband is currently experiencing some facial/tooth pain. The doctor/dentist don't believe it is anything sinister at this time although he is still under investigation...but all I do is worry and obviously hate to see him in pain...it could be that a course of antibiotics will clear whatever it is away.
We don't have any extended family really and my husband and I look after our 3 children alone on a day to day basis...we depend on each other I guess to get by. My dh works full-time and sometimes it feels things just tick over. I have a few friends in rl but most of them have older children now - 8 years plus and many of them have returned to work, so not always readily accessible. I have popped into the local baby and toddler group and found it was full of toddlers but no small babies...although I managed to strike up conversation with one or two of the mums (who I discovered don't turn up consistently to this group), I found that a number of clichés had already been formed there and I did quite well under the circumstances. Often, I go out for a walk and usually end up talking to someone...although this can be quite superficial. So, I guess I'm trying not to be isolated but I suppose I just feel this way. I am also a nervous driver and worried about driving when tired plus the logistics of hauling a baby and sometimes pre-school around doesn't exactly fill me with joy!
I know things will get easier...and like I say I am happy most of the time...I've had pnd twice before and have done a course in cbt etc. I live in a fantasy world where I day dream that my dh didn't have to work and could be around more. It would probably help to receive counselling but even this seems difficult to go to at present...I could just do with someone impartial popping in once a week so I could off-load without feeling like I am burdening anyone if that makes sense.
I have managed to cobble together a bit of time to post on mumsnet, which I haven't managed to do for a while...time is obviously limited and mothering feels very intense at present (especially as I am breastfeeding baby). I suppose I am adjusting to our new family of 5 but sleep deprivation etc. seems to be taking its toll plus the health anxiety flaring particularly when I feel stressed. My period has kicked in just yesterday (8 weeks post birth) and I am worrying now that this isn't normal either since I'm breastfeeding. It's difficult to gain perspective when you don't really have anyone to bounce it off of (other than dh who is one source of my anxiety currently).
Thanks for reading, feel better already having got things out of my head x