Do you ever wish you never had you child

[user1493721527]

Right I will start from the beginning, I've got 2 kids one who's nearly 2 the other who is only 9 weeks old. The first was planned and very much wanted but I suffered bad with postnatal depression, the second wasn't planned (I was on the pill) but I couldn't bring myself to have a termination. Don't get me wrong I love them both but I find myself saying to myself I wish I never had my second (am I being a evil person or has anyone else felt like this?) everything annoyes her crying the lot, and I love it when someone else comes round because I no they will want to do things for her! I feel like such a terrible person any advice please

Hang in there lovely. Speak to someone & get help!! It's normal to feel resentful, angry, isolated so don't beat yourself up.

The most important thing is to look after yourself - pnd is no joke (as you know) so don't go it alone.

You're not evil or a bad person - just a mum doing the best she can.

There will be lots of advice. It is likely you are experiencing postnatal depression again, even if it doesn't feel quite the same. Speak to your health visitor, your gp, anyone who can help. Good luck

Thank you both. I feel like such a terrible person. Everyone keeps commenting about how well I'm coping this time round so I just pretend I'm fine when I actually feel like I'm dieing on the inside, I find myself sat crying when I'm on my own because I don't feel the same bond with her as I do my first. And my partner isn't very supportive he didn't understand what I was going through the first time so he won't now, I don't really have any friends and don't feel like I have anyone to talk to

Op please trust this can and will get better, there are hundreds of women who feel like you do then some way down the parenting line they are very happy with their DCs.

Please get help and stop pretending you are Ok, go to the DR and see if you need ADs/counselling. Talk on here as many have been through this and come out the other side.

Do one nice thing for yourself every day, get DP to hold the fort for 30 mins, take a bath, read a magazine, call an old friend, watch a favourite tv programme without interruption, tell him in no uncertain terms to take both DCs somewhere else ( walk?) for half an hour and not to call you. EVERY DAY.

Forget about the bond for now, she doesn't know this and the bond will form eventually, just stop worrying and concentrate on being kind to yourself.
Treat yourself like a treasured friend and please ask for help.

Its still very early days and this is the hardest part with the crying and the lack of sleep. Dont feel bad about not loving it!
I agree with pp be kind to yourself and make sure you are getting regular breaks. Do you have a partner who can take the baby out sometimes and let you have a bit of a rest? Or even a friend?

Talk to your health visitor about how you feel... you needent feel ashamed because many women feel overwhelemed in the first months... even if they dont have PND.
Bonds dont always come straight away and that is nothing to be ashamed of either.
I did not feel that bonding rush of love for my first until he was around 6 months!

It certainly sounds like PND, and you are at higher than average risk for it, as you had it after your first child.
Please get medical help with this. You know that it works, and that you recovered from it the first time- you will recover this time too. If you think back, you very probably felt that you weren’t bonding with your first child while you were ill - the depression makes you feel that you’re no good as a mother, and numbs your emotions so it’s hard to feel any love or bond, or enthusiasm or energy for anything.
Please put your trust in the team who helped you last time. There’s no need to suffer like this when you can easily access treatment. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and a big hug from me.

I don't think this is a strange thing to think no, my baby is driving me mad atm. Crying constantly, not sleeping at all and won't let me put her down. I've never wished that I'd never had her but I can see the contrast often how much easier things were before. I don't think what your thinking I'd bad or wrong, we had a thread on here not long ago and hundreds of women answered if they could go back and not of had kids they would! It's bloody hard work, so don't feel like your the only one struggling and wondering. Check about PND with your GP, but don't guilt yourself, it will get easier and your baby will become part of your new norm.

I understand where you're coming from. You know your 1 St dc inside out in comparison to your 2 nd. For ages I felt like I had a better or stronger bond with my first. Now though, they're 4&6 and my love and bond is equal. Can you speak to your health visitor or gp about how are you feeling

My partner doesn't like being left with them unless he has to, he hasn't got the greatest of patience, and he's not really done anything with my second since she was born, he said he feels awkward as she's a girl, he's never bathed her very rarely changes her bum unless I'm no where around so I do it all on my own. I sit and I look at her and yes I no I love her but I also wish I could go back to before I had her and it's awful cuz she's so innocent she's done nothing wrong. When I was diagnosed with It with my first I was on medication and had a mental health nurse which I saw weekly. By the time my son turned 6 months I took myself of the medication as I felt like I was being judged and watched all the time every time I took him to the doctors if he was poorly they never seemed interested in him just always asked how I felt it made me feel that there was nothing wrong with him it was just me overreacting. I no I need to do something or it's going to spiral out of control. I guess I'm just scared of being judged and it seems easier to pretend I'm okay for everyone else's sake.

I thought if someone had post natal depression they could have given you an injection before the second birth to prevent it happening again. Regarding how you feel, when I had my second child I didn't bond with him, perhaps because the birth was tricky and they took him away to look after him for half an hour. I felt so ashamed and I couldn't tell anyone. Luckily those feelings passes quite quickly. But you, sweet girl, need help. Post natal depression is chemical as far as I know, and you need professional help. My thoughts are with youx

I don't no to be honest I've never heard of that, and thank you for your support it's nice to talk with people who understand how I'm feeling instead of me pretending I'm okay, I think I need to sit and speak with my partner and try explain how I feel. Thank you all x

Hi again op, glad you are feeling a bit understood, please put your concerns aside and go and see your GP there is help out there and you can start enjoying things again, once you have some medication and counselling....hope you enjoy the sunny weekend a bit..

Thank you I'm going to make a doctors appointment on Tuesday I sat and spoke with my mum who was really understanding and supportive and she's going to come with me thank you everyone for advice and support x

I am very pleased for you and hope everything goes well x

It WILL get better. Hang in there!