Struggling to cope

[sirlee66]

He's 6 days old and I can't cope. He's so beautiful. I'm so so so scared something bad will happen to him. I can't stand it. Breastfeeding is awful and as he's lost 10.06% of his birth weight I'm having to top him up on formula. I'm a faliure and he dosn't like the breast now he knows how easy a bottle is.

I hate going to sleep when he's asleep incase he something happens when I'm asleep.

I literally can't stand it.

Hi @sirlee66 didn't want to read and run. The first days are tough. Don't worry about bfing. Fed is what's best - and doing what's best for your own health and well being. I also worried about my DCs and was convinced something was going to happen. This too is normal up to a point although I did speak to my GP and health visitor who told me if it got too bad to tell them so they could provide treatment. I used one of those baby monitors with a breathing alarm and checked on the baby frequently.

Please, please tell your midwife how you are feeling (or health visitor/doctor if you've been signed off by the midwife?) Baby blues are absolutely normal but if you're that anxious maybe you have postnatal depression starting. I've suffered twice and felt a million times better for admitting I needed help.

Congratulations on your beautiful son!

Oh and I absolutely agree "fed is best". You haven't failed at all; you're giving your baby what he needs.

Also you're not a failure!

You're not failing at all, you're making the right decisions right now for the health of your baby. Don't get hung up on breastfeeding/formula, it's not all or nothing and you don't have to make any final decisions about feeding methods now.

Do you have a partner, and if so do they know how you're feeling? Could they or a family member take the baby whilst you sleep so that you don't have to worry?

I agree that talking to your midwife/HV about how you're feeling is important. They can help.

I could have written this 8 days in with my first. Don't worry you are recovering from the birth and knackered. Your hormones are all over the place. You are not a failure at all, you are feeding your baby and making sure he is healthy. Look at your baby right now. Are they fed, warm, clean and loved? I bet they are! You have no evidence to show that you are failing at all. The very fact you are worried about it PROVES you are an amazing mother.

Every new mum feels like you do its just that very few talk about it. You should chat to your HV about how you are feeling and they can tell you that what you are describing is really common.

I had intrusive thoughts and worries about my baby and it took me a long time to realise that that is just how my brain works when I am anxious and tired. Its normal for me and it doesn't mean that any of my worries are going to happen! You will feel so much better soon. Please try and get some sleep. You won't always feel like this. Cut yourself some slack. You are an amazing mum.

Have you got a feeding clinic near you? Where abouts are you in the country? As everyone has said, fed is best! A feeding clinic can help reassure you and suggest ways to introduce breast again if that's what you want to do but please don't feel like you have failed or that you have to. Your baby will get all it needs from formula!

Also talk to any of your Mates that are mums. They will reassure you!

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.

It was a pretty horrendous birth. Induction lasted 2 days and then spent 18 hours on hormone drip. 3nd degree tear that got infected and I needed 2 blood transfusions. Baby was in antibiotics because waters broke before he was born... Then got readmitted a few hours after we were discharged because his blood sugar levels were so low. Hence formula top ups are needed.

It's just been awful and I love him so so much it's ridiculous but these thoughts of something happening to him is too much. It's so much it's to the point where I wish we didn't have him at all because the feeling of sheer panic and dread is just too much but I love him so much the thought of him also not being here is too much.

Ive been really honest and open with my midwife who is great. My partner is really supportive but totally sleep deprived too and has ups and downs like me. He's so worried something will happen to him too. My mum is the only other person we have to help but she has shingles bless her so can't touch the baby. She's been so great doing bits round the house though.

I just want this feeling and these thoughts to stop. Please tell me it gets better

Right OP some advice as I know exactly how you feel.

If formula makes everything easier do it, when I switched to formula my DS was so much happier, slept better and I got a break whilst my husband could feed.

Are you worried about cot death? You can get a mat you put under the mattress that will sound an alarm if they stop moving, we had one and it helped me relax when he was sleeping.

Sleep as much as you can hard but try, have an early night and let your husband do the late feed. Grab a nap when you can.

Don’t worry about cleaning the house or any housework just sleep and eat and get to know your baby. Don’t try to do it all, no one is handing out medals at the end of this, no one is watching you, just get through each day.

It WILL get easier, in one week you will feel a tiny bit more confident, in one month a bit more and in one year you will forget most of what you are feeling now and be thinking ‘bloody hell how are they 1 year old already?’

You CAN do this, post on here lots you will gets lots of support from thousands of mums who have written threads exactly like yours.

I felt the same, and now I’m chilled and it’s all a doddle.

@sirlee66
You're in the thick of it. Be gentle with yourself.
There are many reasons why breastfeeding doesn't work. It's not your fault. Have a look at the Fed is best feeding plan. If anything it should show you you did absolutely the right thing giving your little one formula.
Being a mum can't/shouldn't be reduced to breastfeeding. Some women breastfeed without many issues but aren't great mums and some face problems breastfeeding but are better mums after all.
I can see you have your baby's interests at heart and that's showing me you're a good mum.

Hello there, when I read your post it takes me back to when my first child was born. Horrific birth which left me traumatized. My boy cried non stop, he didnt want to breastfeed. I was focusing on weight loss, worried to death. I was broken from having horrible birth experience and then the newborn worry and no sleep. I just couldnt put my mind at peace for a long time. I wish back then I would reach out for help. Instead I developed a postnatal depression and I was worried to seek help as I thought they would categorize me as someone who can't look after a baby and take him away. I know! how silly and I work for NHS - MATERNITY! But I though I will get better on my own. And I didnt.

The worry you are going through is hard to describe until you experience it.

You are definitely not a failure. Bollocks about the breast is the best. Well, it is in a way but it is also part of NHS meeting the breastfeeding targets, etc. So many mothers bottle feed and they feel OK about it. You are giving him food, you are doing the right thing. You are definitely not a failure.

Your baby is stronger than you think. Do not be too hard on yourself. Relax a bit. New Mums dont know what they are doing, so if you are doing your best that will do. ;0)

And please seek help. Tell your community midwife or Health visitor. Dont suffer unnecessary. It is normal for some mothers to feel like this. Well, many!

Good luck xxx

How you feeling now OP?