Finding My Feet

[Lavenderdays]

DD is nearly four weeks old and I have been very spoilt with DH having only just returned to work.

I miss him - his company and the fact that he is fantastic with our dc's - we have three and great support in general. Parenting our dc's works better with him around, not to mention keeping on top of the housework/shopping etc.

Anyway, bills to pay etc. this is unsustainable and now I find myself alone with baby. Even though I have two dc's already (eldest is at secondary school), I can't help but feel slightly overwhelmed. I am guilty of stacking everything on top of each other - jobs around the house etc. Last night was not good sleep wise but when I tried to get some sleep again this morning (baby napping) I found I couldn't nod off. I also feel a sense of being isolated (I have no extended family and most of my friends work) and had the thought that sooner or later it would probably be good to join a group or two.

I had a C-section so I am not supposed to drive until the 6 week point which I think only compounds the sense of isolation as we live semi-rurally.

I don't think I am looking for solutions as such probably more empathy and a place to just write out how I'm feeling if that makes sense. I know time passes quickly and I want to make the most of things but having had post natal depression following the birth of my older children, I suppose I am scared of this happening again and I feel a bit unnerved and hoping I can somehow prevent it this time.

Hello just wanted to say your not alone my dh gone back to work yesterday. But still have my sister staying the rest of the week but come next week will be on my own for 12hours a day with a 4 week old. I have a 6year old and dreading doing the school run as I haven’t been able to get up and ready in the morning yet as dd sleep is terrible.

I also find I can’t dose off either if I get the chance to. Do your older children help out a bit to give you a rest?

Don’t worry about the housework it will get easier soon hopefully

Hi Dusty. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in feeling this way though I'm sorry I'm not alone and others feel this too x

It's frustrating but the more I try to nap the worse it seems to get in actually having one. I remember when my eldest dd was 7 and I had a baby, I actually dropped her off at the school gate in my car and I was wearing my pyjamas under my clothes where I'd slept in. I too have to face doing the pre-school run very shortly and dreading it - I tried to go to bed early last night but baby decided to do some cluster feeding so it didn't pan out.

I think it will get easier when we get into the new routine of things...its just that because we have had some lovely support and we realise how much easier life can be, it suddenly feels much harder which it is.

Accepting now that housework will have to slide...could potentially afford a few hours a week paid help but don't know what I would ask them to do in all honesty and what would make the most difference.

Wishing you all the best Dusty and thanks once again for posting x

Oh forgot to say my eleven year old does help out a bit...but I feel there is only so much I can ask of her...she is a pre-teen and her enthusiasm for helping wanes a bit...but she has helped out and I am thankful for that because even a little bit of help has made a difference - she is back at school now and obviously homework is her number one priority.

Hi how are things now ?
I think if you could afford some paid help that would be great one less thing to worry about!
My wee one is cluster feeding also . When will it stop ? I never got this far breastfeeding my son.

Also my 6 year old ds is really pushing the boundaries at the moment his behaviour is terrible and I just don’t know what to do 🙁

My sister goes home today so will have no help during the week and dreading it

Hi Dusty

Sorry for late reply, just haven't seemed to have a moment spare.

I had a really busy week last week and didn't really feel the impact of dh returning to work. I don't know, this week (and I know its only Monday) but things seem a little flatter. But on the positive side I have a few things planned (a longish walk and a couple of friends popping around during the week) plus I braved going to the local mother and toddler group which wasn't as intimidating as I feared and I don't think I stopped talking the whole time! Having said this, it is very much down to me to organise things and try and secure a bit of adult company. I just went for a walk around the village and only saw two people the whole time and I didn't know either of them. It sounds quite bad but I am hoping to rotate visits from friends so that I at least manage to get an hours company a couple of times a week (I don't have numerous amount of friends so this is going to be quite hard to pull off). Things should get better in the Autumn and I plan to get out to more groups etc.

I am sorry to hear about your 6 year old pushing boundaries - it doesn't help does it. The thing I am finding difficult is trying to give my two older daughters time and attention, mostly because I am craving a bit of head space and secondly both are bubbly, chatty characters who don't seem to have an off button and because I am so tired, I am feeling this quite draining. Not sure what to suggest and I know this is going to be immensely difficult but perhaps you could carve out a bit of one to one time with your 6 year old if this isn't already happening - having a new sibling can affect children differently. I have to admit I have played the big sister card with my middle child (four and a half) along the lines of you are a fantastic big sister and what are you going to teach your little sister when she is older etc. and this has gone down a storm, if anything her behaviour has improved since little dd came along

I found mumsnet a fantastic support during my pregnancy...just wish I had a bit more time to post now x