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Postnatal health

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Partner not interested in me or baby

7 replies

laura1306 · 29/03/2018 23:13

He never was interested in the pregnancy or me when I was pregnant but since giving birth, a week ago, he's decided to go back into work straight away, not even accepting the week off he's been given, and any time off work he's been spending with friends and actually went out drinking tonight as well as planning to go out Saturday from 12:30 onwards drinking. Honestly he's not that drunk right now but his jaw is all over the place and he thinks he's at his dads house and just keeps going on about how much he hates me and wants to take our baby away from me. He has definitely taken drugs. I am a mother of two and a very capable one. My life revolves around my children and I am not just using that as an expression. I feel really unsafe with him in the house at the moment and I won't say a word to him because he is prone to snapping and I can't let that happen with two children in the house. I want him to stay downstairs so I can look after our newborn upstairs but I can't ask him because he'll go mad and I don't know where to put our son if he does or goes in to my two year olds room. He has been taking money frequently and this week when I have been staying with our son on children's ward in an incubator he only came up at 7pm despite being free and made a fuss about being there. I spent the night texting him about what he wanted me to buy him and I sent him my card details to keep him happy because he was 'sad' this is just after changing my PIN numbers and cards because he stole them. (I know that sending him my card details was stupid but I have hidden the money in another account now and will keep it minimal) he is really making me feel depressed and hate myself when a year ago I was in an amazing place with my self confidence! He's ruining me and my children. My two year old asks a lot of questions about where he goes and why he's angry and it breaks my heart when I tell him we're doing something nice like going to a cafe this Wednesday for lunch after pre school and came home to find he'd left to see his friends or last week before giving birth I wanted to take him to the cinema but MORE money was withdrawn from MY bank account by him so my mum has been amazing at providing nice times because my little boy gets very hooked on plans. I need help because I'm too scared to leave him in case he really tried to take our son or in case he gets nasty and the kids are around. I'm really at the end of it, sat downstairs right now with our newborn scared to go up and lie next to him but listening at the bottom of the stairs to make sure he doesn't go into my sons room.

OP posts:
Lilymossflower · 29/03/2018 23:34

Don't be scared. You can leave him. He can't take your child away.
If you call the police and tell them it's abusive relationship (that it is) then you can get restraining order and such on him.
You need to either kick him out of your house or if it's his house, then move. Keep calm and quiet and talk to your family about it and they can help you. Once you've moved out /kicked him out you can log him with the police so he can't come near you. He can't take your baby away. You baby belongs with you and many many abusers use that line to scare there partners into not leaving them but he can't take your baby away.
You can also get a residency order which means that in th eyes of the law your childeren are declared and officially both living with you and spend x amount of time with you and he is not allowed to breach that.
All the best to you and remember you are strong, you can do it, stay calm and organised, and all his threats are abusive just to scare you, and that he can't or won't even do half the things he says. Your doing great 💖

GreatThingsWork · 29/03/2018 23:45

If you are scared of him now you can ring the police. If you feel safe enough to wait until tomorrow please ring women's aid when he is out of the house. You don't have to live like this.

Pumkins · 02/04/2018 11:16

Laura I am very worried. My line of work provided me with training on abusive behaviour and your partner displays many.
I am glad you seeked guidance here and I urge you to stay close to your friends and family for support.
Please seek help and advice from the domestic violence helpline, they have trained staff who can give you advice on how to survive this situation.
Abusive relationships affect young children in ways you may not be aware of and will slowly degrade over time.
It is incredibly difficult to make the decision to get out of such relationship, especially with children involved, bit it will be the best thing you can do for yourself and especially your children.
This number may provide you with help 0808 2000 247 on how to move forward with your decision.
I was going to wish you luck, but I wish you tons or courage and I sincerely hope you can get out of this relationship and built a brighter future for your family.

windchimesabotage · 02/04/2018 11:22

Oh my gosh this is really awful Flowers Is it possible for you to take the children and go and stay at your mums? Please ring womens aid and if you are seriously frightened he may hurt you just phone the police. Do you have a health visitor? They can be very helpful with stuff like this. Be absolutely honest with her bout whats going on and she will be able to advise you how best to protect your children Flowers

Personwithhorse · 02/04/2018 11:27

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windchimesabotage · 02/04/2018 11:27

Also its a good idea to write down everything he does and speak to people like your GP and health visitor about it all as then there is a record of his behaviour which will hopefully make it difficult for him to have unsupervised access with your children in the future. Dont try and cover up or minimise as remember that when you do finally leave it is very beneficial for you for there to be real evidence of his behaviour. Which there will not be if you do not speak to anyone about it and try to pretend its not happening. I know it must be so hard I was in an abusive relationship for some time and I found it very difficult to speak to anyone about it because I was so ashamed and felt like id been an idiot... but its really not your fault and happens to a lot of women sadly.... people really will support and help you if you are honest with them. So please speak to someone professional like womens aid and your health visitor or GP. x

Pumkins · 02/04/2018 12:02

@personwithorse
What an incredibly insensitive thing to say.
No one ever gets in an abusive relationship by choice. Not your place to judge - this is a post asking for support and advice not opinions.

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