Postnatal depression

[mumto1chap]

Wondering if anyone on here would just have the heart to listen 💙

I now have a happy and healthy 10 week old little boy who is literally my whole world. He's a great sleeper and I really couldn't ask for a better baby.

The trouble is that I have a third degree tear after a long labour and a forcep birth and I dont feel like I can care for him like I want to. I can't go for long walks as I get pain down below. I would love to go swimming but have to wait till I'm fully healed. I want to join a gym and get myself back to my fit self but also been told to wait. I feel helpless. I'm so unfit I can just about carry the car seat into the car

I have a husband who honestly is amazing and is always there to help me but he has to work full time. I can't rely on him all the time

I'm worried now that I'm getting postnatal depression. Some days I just can't be bothered to even get out my pjs as I know I'm not going to be able to go out. I feel like I should have had more advice on forceps as tears before birth. If I'd have known all I know how I would have opted for Caesarian.

Im sorry for the rant but don't really know where else to turn 😫

@mumto1chap
Hi! I'm sorry you're going through this. I had a similar birth + similar "not-recovery" scenario. I did declare depression. It doesn't mean you will. There are many factors at play.

I'd encourage you to join the Birth trauma association and their Facebook group. You will (sadly) find many women who've gone through the same. Many think like you, that women aren't told what they should be told before birth.

Do do your pelvic floor exercises. I know it won't sort everything out but as your muscles strengthen (and it takes a loooong) time, your mobility will improve. If you're not seeing a women's health physiotherapist, I'd recommend you ask your GP to refer you.

Firstly,you’re not ranting.your simply recalling a difficult birth and your injuries
You woud benefit from an assessment and a discussion about pain relief and physiotherapy
Talk to your HV and ask GP for an appt, Home visit if not able to get to surgery
If you struggle to say it all,write it down. Be candid let GP know what youre feeling

If you feel you need to debrief about the birth,consider that, ask to be talked through the key events & interventions

It probably doesn’t seem it now but things will get better over time
Do go to GP and I hope over time you recover

And congratulations on new baby

Hi there. Firstly congrats on your new baby and huge props for reaching out and acknowledging how you feel.

I can empathise with your post on lots of levels and after a traumatic birth with my DS, I was diagnosed with PND and anxiety 12 weeks post partum. My DS is now 10 months and although I'm not 100%, I have seen a huge amount of improvement in my mood.

I agree with the others and defiantly think your GP and HV are your first port of call. Writing everything down is really useful because if you're anything like I was, trying to string coherent sentences together is a struggle and this can easily be brushed off as just new mum stress. From my own experience and speaking to other mums, you really do have to emphasise just how hard things are in order to receive further help. I ended up being referred to a specialist unit and was prescribed an antidepressant. However, a few other things that helped me were:

• Realising that I had to go easy on myself and stop giving myself such a hard time about every little thing. This was massive for me. When I could get my head around being kinder to myself, things I thought I should/shouldn't be doing seemed a lot less important.

• Sleep as much as possible! Easier said than done but it's such a healer, both physically and mentally.

• Going to groups for women who are struggling with their mental health after having a baby. There is support out there if you look for it. Either in person or online. You don't have to have a PND diagnosis to reach out. Meeting other mums in a similar situation was such a relief. And it's not all doom and gloom. Just because you're feeling low doesn't mean you can't hold a decent conversation. In fact talking rubbish is a great way to give your mind a break.

• Making an effort to notice the good things about my day, rather than concentrating on the negative. This is hard when you're on your own but my partner used to come home and ask me to give him some good news which forced me to recall something positive.

No idea if that helps. But sending lots of positive vibes your way and hope you find the support you need. xxxx