Don't know what to do anymore

[anon994]

My baby is 4 weeks old. She is beautiful and perfect and I love her from head to toe. I get so anxious about visitors wanting a cuddle. I let them but reluctantly I hate when people ask to come over because I know they want to touch her and hold her and give their opinion on how they brought their kids up and how they did things back in the day. I left her with my mum today the first time I have been away from my baby since she’s been born. I was gone for 3 hours while me and my husband went for lunch. The whole time I felt terrible for leaving her even though my mum is the best person I could have ever left her with. My husband works 5 days a week really long hours in construction so I don’t ask for help with the night feeds. I do every night feed. Every bath time. Every bottle. Every wind everything. I’m not complaining because I love being a mum she’s fantastic baby who is really happy and eats well. I feel so so so depressed I can’t help it. I feel so down I just feel angry towards my husband for the tiniest things that feel so huge to me. I sometimes get so upset over nothing and just cry and cry and cry. My daughter is her fathers image and even though she is beautiful it winds me up so much that that’s the first thing every one points out when they see her for the first time. Her dad gets so much credit and apparently deserves a night out once a week to go football with his mates and deserves a lay in on the weekends and deserves to go out and wet the baby’s head. It feels like he’s never home as it is as he’s always working or busy doing something other than spending time with me. And when he is home all we do is sit indoors like I do every single day on my own from Monday to Friday. All my friends and family work. I’m stuck at home on my own looking st the same 4 walls every single day in day out. It gets me so so so down I feel so lonely and trapped. What do I do? I drive but my husbands had the car since we’ve had the baby so he can get to work quicker. There is literally nothing round me no bus stop no sweet shop no nothing I live in the middle of nowhere. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is it worth going to my GP? What will they even say to me? I don’t want them thinking I’m an unfit mother. My baby is clean and has a happy change and a bottle like clock work every 3 hours. I talk to her and put her on her play mat so she’s stimulated. I need help

Oh you poor thing. Please don't get upset. It's late now so not much traffic but you'll get great help here tomorrow.

@anon994 you poor thing!

I feel exactly the same and my DS is also one month exactly.

No words of advice other than, you are not alone, have faith that it will get easier (that's what I'm telling myself) x

Oh no you poor thing, is there a village hall with a Mum and baby group near you? Or a library or anything like that? Even if aimed at older babies/toddlers you'll be able to meet other mums who understand how you feel.

You know your baby best out of everyone in the whole world so you know what's best for them and it sounds like you're doing an ace job - so try and remember that when everyone is offering 'helpful' advice - it's always daft things like in my day we weaned babies on to a beef roast at two weeks old or aunty June used to peg her baby on the washing line and she slept really well!

Your husband needs to take the route to work he used to to enable you to be able to use the car again even if that's half the week each on agreed days.
He might work long hours but you work 24/7 with being Mum to your baby so you needing car is just as important if not more because he gets that social interaction at work.

Maybe speaking to your health visitor might help? She could point you in right direction of baby groups etc.

Remember through all this you're doing a brilliant job (and it's not an easy one!) but you need to have your needs a priority to enable you to continue doing that brilliant job with baby.

 for you and keep chatting on here people are always here Day and night

Ps GP always worth a chat if you've got a good one. That would never do any harm.
as they didn't show on my last post!

It sounds like you have PND. Don't be afraid of going to the GP, I felt ashamed and worried about how I felt but DH was very supportive and came to the initial appointment (I suffer from depression usually so he was pretty on the ball with spotting it and ensuring I got help). The GP was great, listened, asked what support I felt I needed etc, they really are there to help you. Once diagnosed I also found my HV really helpful, there are many ways they can offer or find extra support too.

Does your DH know how down you're feeling? I think you need to try and explain it to him. I also think that you need to be able to have the car at least once during the week so that you can get out of the house, be it to simply go for a coffee or find a baby group where you can meet new mums. Your DH also needs to pick up some of the slack at weekends, you deserve a lie in too and a bit of time out. Yes, he's working all week but so are you and spending 24/7 with a small baby is hard work - mentally and physically!

You need to talk to your gp and partner op. They can help you.

As for feeling like your partner gets the credit i do get that. I remember feeling like that too. Its hard when you seem to be the one doing all the hard work. I would hope if you spoke to him he would do a bit more.

You’re not alone. Being a mum is the most emotionally draining and undervalued job going.
I’m currently up feeding 7wk old, husband next to me snoring.
I’ve found giving myself stuff to do helps, currently trying my hand at making cushions. Stops me going entirely stir crazy but doesn’t beat the loneliness.
You need to tell your husband how you feel. Even if it’s just to say ‘we’re going out this weekend as I’ve been stuck in all week!’

If it makes any difference, I have been told that young babies generally resemble their father more as evolution's attempt to make the dads stick around. They will often grow out of it. Saying that my lo look like I did as a baby already and he is also only 4 weeks xx.

I feel for you, OP, been there with my two though a long time ago now.

First, if you have a sympathetic health visitor, call her and tell her exactly how you are feeling. Their job is to be at the front line in helping new mums in this kind of situation and they can help in lots of ways- liaising with GP to get medical help with depression, giving information on local groups for new mums etc. Mine immediately rang my DH and told him I needed him to take a couple of weeks off to help me. She also arranged to put me in touch with other local mums in similar situations so we could meet for coffee and talk. Failing that, make an appointment with your GP directly, they will be very sympathetic and can offer a lot of help.

You must tell your DP how you are feeling and he must step up and help you. You need sleep as much as he does, working full time is no excuse. He should be taking over the baby on evenings and weekends to give you a break.

It is also really important for you to get out of the house at least once every day, even if only for a walk with baby in the pram or in a sling. Also, you should take priority for access to the car as you are being so isolated. Your post seems to imply that your DP managed to get to work by other means before you had the baby, so he needs to do this again. It is essential for your mental health to get more contact with human beings during the day and ideally meet up with other new mums for mutual support.

Good luck OP, reach out and ask for help, you deserve it.

I'll be thinking of you

My little one is 14 weeks now and you're describing exactly how I felt. I struggled through for about 7/8 weeks before I eventually broke down and realised I couldn't keep going like I was. I spoke to my Gp and they've been fantastic...please talk to someone. The difference in me in the last month is unreal...I'm finally enjoying my little one and just regret not asking for help sooner.

How's your week been OP?

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your help and support. I spoke to my husband and told him how I feel and I feel like a single mum etc etc. He said he will do more to help out. But time will tell so just have to wait and see.

Was going to book GP but I got my period so I don't think that helped. I think the first few weeks were baby blues and maybe this is just emotions from getting my period? I'm going to wait a week or so and see how I get on. To be honest I'm scared to go to my GP In case they contact social services and think I'm an unfit mother when that is NOT the case.

Told my husband he has this week to sort a bike out to ride to the station to get to work because it's not fair on me to be trapped at home all the time. We live on a first floor flat with no lift and I've got arthritis in my spine so can't really lug the buggy up and down the stairs.

He's still yet to do a night feed. I've asked that he do them Saturday night and I can have a lay in Sunday morning. I don't mean to sound negative but there isn't really much point. He doesn't hear her cry so I have to wake him up to feed the baby I might as well just do it myself. And to be honest he does make it seem like I'm asking him a massive favour when I ask him to do anything for the baby. He should want to anyway it's his daughter