Not sure where to start, I have 3 kids all under 5 I am just keeping my head above water and it’s starting to get a little easier since my 2 year old sleeps through, I have had a really difficult past year since my youngest was born I just haven’t been happy and haven’t been enjoying him how I probably should, also the birth was very traumatic I had a hemmorage and everything was very rushed I did not enjoy the birth experience at all, on top of that when he was just 4 months old he was hospitalised for 2 weeks in intensive care on a life support machine as he got really poorly, had pneumonia. I have no family and friends and am really struggling as I can’t reach out to anyone. I found out that I am pregnant again few weeks ago. I did not have any symptoms as I was just very exhausted but put it down to the situation and sleepless nights etc, fast forward now am 22 weeks pregnant and so scared of having this baby as I just don’t know how I’ll cope, I am not excited nor am I counting the days as I did with my other kids. Please don’t say that I shouldn’t have had the baby etc, I was on the pill and was exclusively breastfeeding my baby. I haven’t had a period since my last son was born and therefore didn’t know I was pregnant. I was over 16 weeks when I found out so my options were very limited. I took my son to get weighed at the baby clinic and just broke down in front of the Hv she put me on universal plus and said she would notify my gp. As she thinks I may have depression, all this is freaking me out as I don’t want to be red flagged etc. I guess I don’t know why am writing this but I just need some support or help or someone listening to me. I feel so guilty am not not happy about this pregnancy not even a ounce of me is looking forward to having this baby. I will have to do the whole BF and sleepless nights again all on my own with no help. My 7 month old still wakes up 4/5 times in the night am so tired and exhausted and never get a break. My baby is due a day before my sons 1st birthday. I just don’t know how I’ll juggle everyday life with 4 kids so young