Need some guidance

[hollyindie]

Hi everyone

So I already feel guilty and failing just by writing this but I'm exhausted

I have a 3 week old baby and I'm just so overwhelmed! I know things are still new and we are adjusting but I'm seriously thinking I can't do this.

I love him so much but I don't enjoy and time with him :( I'm so ashamed to admit it!
he is screaming all the time. We both spent first week in hospital getting treated for sepsis because my waters went before my labour started so it was so hard to bond with him when I was so out of it. Since being home he screams with colic, he has a milk allergy which he just swapped milk over, he screams because of his silent reflux, he is exhausted during day but won't sleep I've tried taking him in quiet room, swaddling, cuddling, leaving him to fall asleep alone, putting him in a sling, over my shoulder, keeping him upright, laying him oh his back! Everything and he never will sleep!! He has been awake since 1pm today so I've had 7 1/2 hours of upset with him today alone!

My partner and babies dad does help in that he will feed him when he is home from work but he won't do night feeds or anything he shouts at me if I'm upset about things

To make things worse my grandma just died on Monday night and I can't even grieve for her because my partner says I have bad attitude when all I said to him was please take the baby I need to have some space I can't breathe.

I just want a few hours sleep and a cuddle :(

I've suffered from depression in the past and I'm so scared it's coming back I don't want people thinking I can't cope and taking my baby off me

That sounds so hard Holly. Do you have any other family support?
Was your partner verbally aggressive and dismissive of your feelings before baby came along or just since?

If he's crying that constantly give your HV a call tomorrow. They wont judge you, but they might be able to help. When did he change milks

long term id say give your relationship some consideration - does he actually make you happier at any point xx

Having a baby with colic and reflux is really hard work. Both conditions will improve as he gets older but that’s hard to hold on to when you’re in the nth hour of baby screaming.
As Sleeping says, speak to your Health Visitor about everything- the crying, the lack of support, your worries about depression. That’s what they are there for.
Sorry for your loss.

Thank you for replying

Baby's milk was changed 5 days ago and it is helping I do see a difference in that he now doesn't cry during feeding him like he was before so I hope that in time he will keep improving.

With my partner it's ever since baby been here. I feel so bad even being upset near him because he has a go at me for it. He wouldn't ever be physically aggressive but he has got nasty with his words.

Thank you creatureofthenight
I will phone her tomorrow and tell her how I feel - I hate bugging people but you're right, colic and reflux are so hard I feel I need someone to talk to

Thank you for your words

Also have a look at the Cry-sis website www.cry-sis.org.uk
Not contacted them myself but worth a try even if just for a chat

Gosh you poor thing. I think three-six weeks is the very hardest bit of having a baby, and that’s without the challenges of sepsis, milk allergies and bereavement. You poor thing. The good news is lots of the hard stuff gets easier quite quickly so don’t despair. Do you have support from anyone else who can help a bit to give you a tiny bit of space in the day for a walk or a bath? I found Dr Sears on high needs babies had some helpful advice when I was struggling with my first refluxy non sleeping baby. (Nothing since has ever been so tough btw, including twins, so don’t underestimate how well you are doing just surviving each day. )

I second the advice about calling your health visitor or GP and being completely honest about everything! Even your partner. If his behaviour is out of character it’s worth knowing men can get postnatal depression too. If on the other hand he’s showing his true colours I think you may need to have a very honest conversation about your future as he needs to support you more. As for you, I think what you are feeling is totally normal for a mum but that shouldn’t stop you accessing help if you need it. No one will take your baby away for being sad and finding things hard. Promise they will start to get better though. Good luck.