Please help me PND

[No1NameChange]

I'm a regular user here but I've NC as I don't want this to me known to anyone under my usual name.

I'm a mother of three ages 5, 4 and 11 weeks.
I'm suffering with PND. I've been given Amtriptilyne and also propranolol for anxiety. I see the GP regularly for reviews.
I feel like I'm on my own and I'm suffocating. Whenever I try and talk to DP he won't listen and thinks I'm being dramatic and ends up getting annoyed with me when all I want is some help and support from him. I feel like I've picked the wrong man to have had kids with because I do everything on my own to the point where I may as well be a single mum anyway.
DP aside thought I do have a supporting family.
After my second DD I had PND really bad to the point of self harm and I'm scared of heading that way again.
I just need a hand hold really. I want to know I'll be ok. My mind feels clouded. Nothing seems straight forward or simple anymore. Everything is a massive effort. I feel like my kids deserve better than me as a mother!

I don't know what I'm gaining from posting here really. I think I need to get my feelings off my chest to someone who will actually listen?

Sorry if this makes no sense, just goes to show the mess round round in my head at the moment

I feel for you so much. I can’t offer any advice as I’ve literally only just given birth to my first and I’m feeling down in the dumps massively, but I hope you feel better soon and don’t doubt yourself as a mother - I’m certain you’ll be doing a fab job and it’ll just be that you have so much going on in your head you can’t see it from another perspective! Sending love x

Oh, OP. You poor thing. A lovely quote that's got me through some tough time: "This too, shall pass"

You won't feel this way forever. It will get better. I promise.

Sending you all the luck and support in the world, OP.

I think if you've had MH difficulties before a huge part of the problem can be the memory of how that felt and the fear you'll get back into the same state. That was my experience anyway. Can you remind yourself that your experience with this baby will be its own thing, and although you are currently feeling overwhelmed, it does NOT necessarily mean there will be a repeat of your situation after DC2? Worrying about that is part of the anxiety.

Second, remember that some of how you're feeling is probably attributable to sleep deprivation and the fact that 3 young DC and an unsupportive DH are hard going in anyone's book! I.e. it's not all attributable to PND. Recognising that might help you to keep calmer about it, even if it doesn't feel like you can do much about those factors?

I had some brief post natal anxiety after DC2 but nothing like as bad as DC1, and reminding myself not to catastrophise was a key part in keeping it contained till a combination of hormonal changes and the right medication got me through the wobble.

I try my best to keep a positive mind but it's really hard. I'm struggling to deal with the stress of every day life at the moment. I just feel so lost. I try to keep telling myself it will get better but it's an easy thing to forget