Just feeling a bit fed up :-(

[JaydeW]

My LO is 9 weeks tomorrow and I just feel sad 99% of the time. I'm pretty sure I don't have PND as I absolutely love my little boy but I just feel so hopeless and sad.

Theres lots of factors that I know contribute to my low mood such as the traumatic labour and week in hospital post birth (both caught infection in labour, lb had to have oxygen when born etc), the fact that we had just moved house (rental) weeks before I gave birth and I hate the house and area but cant move for 6 months now, the fact that I an exclusively breast feeding and have just found out that my LB has CMPA (allergy to cows milk protein) so I cant eat dairy, soya, egg and possibly a lot more things as they are passed through my breast milk to him and causes him a lot of pain, but this leaves me with very little to eat during the day and I end up just going without as its so hard. I'm desperate for him to go on formula now (he has been prescribed specialist formula) but he wont take the formula as it is absolutely rank! Because he has CMPA he is so unhappy all the time, all day and cries so much. I cant get him into a routine and this really takes a toll on me as I am super organized normally and its making me crazy that my life and days are such a mess.
I just feel I can't enjoy my little baby and I cant even get an hours break to have a nice shower or whatever as im BFing and cant ever express enough milk so that I can let someone look after him for a bit. Its just too much

Nobody seems to understand, I cant even get out in the day as he is so unsettled and I feel like I will never be myself ever again. I've lost all my identity and its like everyone else is just getting on with their lives and enjoying themselves and i'm stuck here forever.

I've told my HV how I feel, she was useless. My partner doesn't know how to take it so just ignores my upset. I explained how feel to the doctor and my 8 week post natal check and she didnt say anything and then we ran out if time as she was behind. Its like I'm shouting for help but nobody is listening.

Everyone else with babies seem to be so happy and saying its the best thing ever...why sont I feel like that? I just feel like i'm missing out and i'm unlucky to have a baby that cry's all the time and is so unhappy

No real point to this post I just needed to get it off my chest. Did/does anyone else feel similar?
X

That sounds absolutely rotten. I had a fairly happy baby with no issues and I still felt down quite often. No one tells you how difficult it can be. Giving birth, the stress of learning to look after a baby, the sleep deprivation, the breastfeeding, all takes a toll and I think the effects are dismissed so easily. Although it might be worth visiting your gp for you and tell them how you feel.

I found post natal care a bit pants as well. They keep banging on about PND but I found as soon as the baby was out they didn't really care about me, certainly not my mental wellbeing.

You are definitely not alone though, very few people actually have it all together, they just put on a good front. And it gets easier.

I'd also suggest moving this to Chat. More people will come across your post and they will have better advice than I.

On a practical note regarding food, maybe look at the "free from" sections or vegan foods and you might have a better choice.

Hope you feel better soon.xx

Thank you for your kind words❤️❤️
how do i go on to chat?
Xx

Ummmm.....I'm not fantastically sure actually! I think maybe you click on the report button on your original post and in the text field ask for it to be moved.

And no problem for the words. I've currently got a bit of a bee in my bonnet about how badly new mothers can have it and how they're just expected to suck it up.

If it’s any consolation it’s hard to get any 9 week old into a routine!
Breastfeeding is hard even without the complications of CMPA and the relentlessness really can wear you down.
Is there a La Leche League meeting anywhere near you? They can be a great source of advice and support. Even if you can’t get to a meeting you can give them a ring.
Have you tried babywearing, lots of people recommend it for unsettled babies.

OP you've had a lot to contend with.

Could DP at least take on a practical task like research what you can eat and source it, prepare as much as possible in advance, so that at least you are fed and that may make you feel a bit fortified for the struggle.

Do you know that you can't have eggs or have you just assumed? They get lumped in with dairy but they are not made from cows milk obvs

Are you on Facebook? There are some great groups on there where people share lots of dairy free finds. Also search 'Lauren's list' for a list of dairy free food by shop.

Most meals can be adapted to be made dairy free - just use vitalite or other sunflower spread instead of butter and an alternative milk to dairy milk. I use coconut almond milk a day love it in everything, including tea. Lots of people like oat milk too.

Finally, it's not something I've had to do but I have heard advice to at nesquik powder or vanilla essence to the prescription formula to make it - - slightly-- more palatable.

Hope this all helps. Remember though that it's OK to feel a bit sorry for yourself. Cmpa is rubbish

Just a quick point... I often think I'm too honest when I say to people that things are tough or I miss my old life or I want to donate my baby to charity ...because when I really think about it, I realise few others talk like that. Then I feel like a bad mum (I'm not. I love my baby and being a mum!) But I cannot believe I'm the only one who feels this way from time to time!

So to address your point about others... I think people heavily censor what they say, in much the same way people present a perfect picture of their lives online. They're not all happy all of the time. I wish people would be more open!

Didn't want to read and run - my ds has cmpa too and cried non stop until he was diagnosed at 11 weeks and we moved to nutramigen milk. I added a drop of vanilla essence to it to help him take it. After a couple of months I was able to wean him off. After two weeks on nutramigen he was like a different baby. It won't always be like this - just until it works it's way out his system xx

I felt similar. I only have one hand to type with as feeding baby but in short

1. go out to a mum and baby group which isn’t an activity one and just for casual play and chat. No one will care if they cry. A volunteer will gladly hold your baby so you can drink tea in peace
2. give up on routine, for now
3. go to gp- it sounds like you may have pnd

Feel free to pm me, my dd is 15 weeks. I did a post today about how hard I’m finding it. You’re not alone, and we will survive!!!

Thank you lovely people! ❤️

It's reassuring to know that other people, especially who deal with CMPA too, understand how hard it is. X

Are you going to continue to bf? IMO its great if you can but personally would switch to formula as it's difficult enough with a cmpa baby and you having to watch your diet constantly will be added stress.

My ds has since moved to neocate as after 8 weeks on nutramigen all the symptoms came back - he is quite sensitive. He had also reacted to soya

Hey OP, so sorry you are having such a tough time. You had envisaged this period for months and it sounds like you are going through an awful lot.

I would like to throw in the suggestion of combination feeding. We are now giving DD 1 bottle per day (around 11pm given by DH whilst i am in bed) and it gives me a solid block of sleep, a portion of time when i know that I am not the only person who can feed DD and it gives him a bit of time alone with DD which helps him be confident with her.

Like the oxygen masks in a plane, you have to look after yourself in order to be able to look after you little one xx

Have a look in your local supermarket. You can get dairy free alternatives, most supermarkets have a free from range. You'll find staples like bread, milk, butter, but also treats like biscuits, cakes etc. You can also get cereal. I would probably avoid soya too as a lot of babies struggle with this too. Again there are lots of options in the free from range.

Also, just be kind to yourself. It's so hard having a new baby whether it's your first or not. 9 weeks is still so early on. They're still tiny and not in a proper routine yet and it's just hard work. It will get easier with every passing week and once you get the allergies under control and start eating better yourself you'll really start to feel like yourself again.

I know you said it's hard to get out and I understand but do try when you can. It's amazing how isolating having a baby can feel and it helps to spend time with other people experiencing the same things. I promise it's not all perfect for everybody else.

Hi JaydeW

Sorry it's been so full on, the first few months is hard work and such an adjustment. My first daughter has a milk and egg allergy, she is four now and signs are showing she is growing out of it. Luckily there are lots of alternatives out there especially if you can do a shop on line and pick through all the free from stuff. Oat milk hot chocolate is yummy. My second is 4 months old but it looks like she might have the same allergies 😬 So here we go again.

I also had a traumatic delivery and really found it stressful in those first few months, I didn't have PND, but I was very weepy, tired and miserable at points. Everyone kept telling me 'it will get easier' I waited for that to happen and if I'm honest for me it wasn't that it got easier it just changed every few weeks. Babies go through so many phases, what was hard a month before became easy and then a new 'phase' arrived to challenge me again. Sleep deprivation was my biggest challenge as my daughter wanted to be perminantly attached to me 24/7. She also refused to take a bottle!

For me my NCT group were my biggest support and baby groups, as soon as I got chatting to other mums (like on here) I felt better. Many highs and lows but I think chat is the biggest help. Have a look on line at local NCT groups, free to go to and you don't need to be a member. Also there is an app called 'Mush' to link up local mums(not sure if it's just London!?). The hospital I was in also offered a reflection session to talk through the birth which was very helpful.

I'm not sure that any of what I've said is helpful but just know you are not alone🙂