We hate eachother.

[rainyday2017]

Our daughter is three months old and gradually since she was born we've just been falling apart. I miss my partner I miss having laughs and not boardline hating eachother.

Im suffering with depression and not told him, but I know he'll just shrug it. He said he's so happy to come home to us then regrets it because I'm so horrible to him 😞 we don't have sex at all anymore and that is my fault I just feel horrible. I'm still not right from the birth, still don't feel myself and it still hurts (down there)

I don't know what I want out of typing this I just need someone to talk to. I have no friends the six years I've lived in my town I've never made friends I feel so alone.

Have you told any HCPs about your depression? Please get some help. You sound very down and it doesn't have to be like this.

Its only three months in please be kinder to yourself!! These months are very very difficult it puts so much pressure both on you and your relationship. You sound depressed and i really think you need to reach out to someone in real life.... talk to your health visitor or midwife or GP they really will help you because it is actually common for mums to feel overwhelmed at this stage. You arent alone and its not your fault.

I had a severe wound after childbirth and it didnt heal for a long time, I think about six months, i couldnt even walk for the first month. But my sex life was back to normal completely by a year in. Its really not uncommon to be having no sex at 3 months and to still not feel right. Talk to your doctor and health visitor about it. Its not your fault its completely natural to feel this way after what your body has been through.
Please go easier on yourself you arent horrible you are just having a difficult time and the first months of motherhood really are hard!! Give yourself time to heal and feel better it wont happen overnight. Talk to people about how you feel and they will be able to support you. I went on antidepressants for a few months after my first son was born and that really helped me. You need to be honest with your GP and health visitor about how you are feeling so that they can help you. You wont feel like this forever.

Agree with pp's, it's early days, you need to give yourself a break. Lots of couple's find the early months testing on their relationship and this is totally normal. Me and dp went through exactly the same things, the texts I would send him some days were down right awful. I'm not proud of it, but adjusting to life with a newborn can be really overwhelming. DD is 11 months old now and things have settled down alot.
Hang in there, you will find your feet. Maybe try to look into some baby groups to meet other mum's, and join an app like mush?

Thank you for replying, I've not spoken to anyone about it yet, I keep meaning to but I honestly never leave the house i know it's not healthy but I've even noticed I'll make excuses not to leave. Usually once a week I'll go out to food shop with my partner. I know one girl that lives close by I always try and get her to come for a walk or anything but she's got friends of her own and always busy.

I've not joined baby groups and I keep meaning to but again I mean to but I just don't 😞 I'm not helping myself and it's frustrating. I've joined the app mush but had no replies from local mom's, I love my partner and I feel like he's so unhappy with us I can tell he's depressed and doesn't want to be at home anymore 😢 I'm starting to fall apart at the seems I've been holding it all in for awhile now, but I can't handle it anymore. I feel like a failure but I know that's just my emotions talking and I know alot of people go through this. I'll try and talk to a doctor again. I don't know how to contact my health visitor.

Are you in the UK?

Yea I live in the UK.

Tomorrow, call your GP. They should be able to refer you for talking therapies and discuss other I options too. In the mean time, you could call the Samaritans on 116 123. They're good listeners.

Thank you, I'll be calling in the morning and I'll keep the number in mind.

There's a mummy social app too, you need to get out. Rhyme time, family centres, anything! I barely left the house for the first three months too, I had depression and was so miserable.

I met someone on the mummy social app, went to classes and groups and slowly made new friends which is hard for me. On mush are there any group social events like a park walk happening?

First thing tomorrow call the gp and get an appointment for your depression. After you've done that, you need to find a baby group to go to next week. Even if you find making friends hard, there's really no shortage of small talk when you have a baby. Or go to rhyme time where you won't have to speak to anyone.

Baby groups saved my life and I mean that quite literally. My HV offered to come with me the first time, I don't know whether yours would but it might be worth asking if you don't know anyone. Did you get a red book when your child was born? The HV details should be in there. The Doctor's surgery should be able to give you a contact number if not.

Like you, I didn't know anyone where we lived because prior to the arrival of DS, I'd been too busy working in the nearest city and socialising with colleagues/family/old friends none of whom live locally. It takes time, but as hard as it was, it was the best thing I did and the only thing I recommend to friends who are pregnant with their first.

Is there a PANDAs group near you? (www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/) That might be a good place to start if there is as all the mums involved will have felt similarly to you at some point.

I felt totally and utterly useless as a person and as a parent for a while after Ds was born but with support and help, I did get better. Hang in there.

I know you think your DP will just shrug your depression off but maybe this will explain to him why you aren't your old self and he can then see (or you could point out) that things should improve once you are feeling better. That might make him happier in itself and want to help you get better. But even if you see the GP it won't get better overnight so just make sure both of you know that.
I think you've got in a vicious cycle. You feel low so you stay in, but then you get bored and lonely making you feel worse. I would talk to your HV (even if you haven't seen them yet) if you like them then explain that you want to get out but are finding it hard to make friends. They might be able to recommend a friendly group you could try. There is also Home Start who may have visitors who come to your house. They will help you with things as well as just having a chat.
About contacting your HV you can ring your GP surgery and ask them how to get in contact.

I don't really know about the depression side of it I'm sorry, but I wanted to say I'm three months PP and have not yet been able to have sex. It went through a lot! It just needs a while to heal. :)

Where about a in the U.K. do you live hunni
I know how you feel
I'm very isolated n depressed with three kids no friends or family n I hate it
You sound like you have baby blues
You need to speak to your HV x

I think it's great you rec

Woops ^

I think it great you recognise you are not feeling physically or mentally as you should. Please contact your GP and ask for help. There is medication,CBT etc all of which can make a massive difference. Be honest with your partner and explain you need support.

Perhaps set yourself a goal of a short walk with the baby for fresh air daily? If you told yourself it's for you both of my be easier to push yourself.

Then as another goal agree to going to a baby sensory class or similar. It'll be good for you and often the first one is a trial to see if you like it

Really feel for you! Health visitor details should be in the red book. I'm getting weekly visits from mine for support.

You NEED to communicate these things to your partner.

If you can’t speak, maybe write him a letter, then if he brushes it off it’s He who is definitively in the wrong because you tried .

I've spoken to my partner, it felt good to get it all out but it feels nothing has changed from that conversation. I've booked in to see my GP but it's a waiting game. My daughter is really poorly at the moment so I can feel that making things alot worse.

I've suffered with depression since I was 13, so I can see the signs and I do try and get help. I feel like I'm just a broken record sometimes.

I live in the south of England on the coast. I've actually been added by a local mummy on mush so fingers crossed... We meet up for coffee! thank you everyone for your advice. As for the drugs that I can go on, I've never agreed to drugs I've been on and off then since I was diagnosed with depression and it turned me in to a zombie or just made me worse. I tried counciling too, I'm going to contact my person HV this week. The check ups sound like a good idea.

I've now scheduled a dog walker so I don't feel so useless and pressured to walk them on my own with my daughter. The house work has been really stressing me out, I'm very house proud and a clean freak. Not being able to keep my house clean is so upsetting. Sounds stupid. But cleaning is what makes me happy 🙈

Anyways! I'm taking steps to feel better.

I should probably add that during the week I have no help what so ever. No family close by, so day in day out this is all on me 😔 oh...and I'm 7 months pregnant.

Sorry op, wrong post