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Feeling alone and down, Help!

5 replies

Nicole31ro · 25/12/2017 20:35

Hi, I have just become a mum for the first time, I now have a wonderful little boy who is 2 weeks today. I have had health issues at birth with baby being too big and a massive loss of blood and have then battled having to formula feed my baby, while waiting for the milk to come in, leaving the hospital and coming at home. My husband is a wonderful dad and a great support to me, however due to his job he can't be at home all the time. And I am by myself with this tiny creature that relies only on me for his every need. And I am sooooo scared! And I feel so alone, my mum is unable to come for a visit until spring. I don't have many friends and no family close, and I feel I am at breaking point. I am normally a strong, confident person, but this is killing me. I know that as long as baby is healthy, eating and doing everything else, active and well toned, all is well, but can't help feeling so down, scared of everything and worried every second. Baby is now combination fed and again, another reason to worry, is he getting enough milk, why is he eating for so long - hours- and not settling, I am lost. Have any of you felt the same and what helped you through it? Help!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
EvonneGoolagong · 25/12/2017 22:07

I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling.

My DD is 5 days old and we got home from hospital yesterday. Even though she is my second and I should be a confident and experienced Mum, I feel very far from it. The feelings you are describing take me back to when I had DS two years ago and I am certain that more women than not feel that way in the early days.

It is still early days for you and the adjustments to your life, body and mindset are huge. Are you seeing a health visitor or midwife at all? Are you able to let them know how you feel? I have found some to be pretty useless but others have been wonderfully supportive and made a massive difference to they way I see things and the way I have felt.

I think sharing how you feel is really important and with support (maybe from your GP as well) this will pass and you won’t always feel like this.

Nicole31ro · 25/12/2017 22:23

Evonne, I have seen both, midwife and health visitor. I am due another midwife visit on Wednesday. I have told them about it, I don't know what to do, I don't want to feel this way, I want to be strong and upbeat, but can't help feeling so lonely. Being by myself with the baby in our apartment is so scary, I don't know what to do. I don't want to go down the route of PPD, I don't think I have the symptoms, I just feel that I need someone to be with me at all times to reassure me I am doing the right things for my baby.

You read it all in books but nothing prepares you for the real deal. I just find myself panicking for the tiniest things, such as baby's poo colour... how and when does it get better?

How did you overcome this?

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polkadotdelight · 25/12/2017 22:31

My DS is 3 now but I suffered badly with anxiety and PND. I just want you to know that you are not alone. Sleep deprivation can make anxiousness worse so take any help that is offered (although I realise that you are limited here) and be kind to yourself. Your health visitor should know if you have home start in your area. I had a volunteer visit me once a week for a while and it was really helpful. It's still early days, it's a massive life change but you will get through it.

Nicole31ro · 25/12/2017 22:47

Polkadotdelight thank you, it's good to know it gets better, I will ask the midwife on Wednesday for advice on what support is available for me. I think also due to the holidays, there isn't much I can attend at the moment, as baby clubs and such would be off during this time.

I just want to enjoy being a mummy and not worrying every second if I overfeed my baby or if I don't feed him enough, if he is safe and any tiny thing will make me worry. I try to sleep, but I end up staying awake to make sure baby is still breathing ok and sleeping ok...

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polkadotdelight · 25/12/2017 22:57

I didn't sleep well when I could either, like you said, you check they are breathing etc. If it makes you feel better I think all mums do it to some degree. There are breathing monitor mats you can buy and one that clips onto the front of the nappy if you need extra reassurance. Baby groups were a godsend to me, it won't be long until they start back. There are Facebook groups you could join for online company too.

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