I don't feel good enough to be a mum.

[ty1996]

Hi.

I'm a young single mum of an 8 week old beautiful girl.

When I found out I was pregnant I had all the support from my family that you could ask for, however since the birth the support hasn't continued. They hardly make an effort to see her. Nobody wants to have her so I can catch up on my sleep.

She has been in and out of hospital since birth, and I can't help but feeling so drained and exhausted.

At the minute she is suffering with bad colic so never ever settles unless sleeping on me, which means I am never getting sleep.

Sometimes when she is crying I just want to leave her and walk away until she stops.

I feel like a bad mum and I can't give her the love she deserves because I'm that exhausted.

I need help on ways to settle her and how to stop myself from getting stressed and feeling down.

Hi Ty
Babies are bloody hard work, and even more so when they have health difficulties :-(
I've been where you are now when I just wanted to leave my baby because he cried ALL the time. It's heart breaking.

Can I ask a bit more about her health issues? And the colic? Does she have ant intolerance? Is she breast or formula fed?

I can't offer many tips but I wanted to just say you're doing a grand job. I was you 5 years ago...i remember the endless walking, the rocking, the driving round the block at 3am trying to settle DD. I would ring my mum (abroad at the time) in frustrated tears telling her i couldn't do it & the best thing would be for DD to go elsewhere...the best advice my mum gave me? Put her somewhere safe - cot/moses basket/rocker - and walk into another room for five minutes. Breathe, cry, scream, whatever you need. I can honestly say doing that t times got me through the day.

You obviously are good enough to be a mum. Know why? Because instead of putting her somewhere & walking out you are reaching out. Massive hugs, it does get better i swear.

My biggest godsend was my DD's electric swing. She refused to sleep, ever. I could pop her in this & she would at least settle so I could collapse in a heap on the sofa for ten minutes

It IS exhausting. And I think we rarely get the support we need.

Colic is a wrecker. My youngest cried for month (it felt like that), and I was just in a (miserable) daze. We struggled through with ready meals, but if there’s anyone about who will bring you a decent dinner - then get that sort of help.

It’s hard to take such a small baby overnight (I would feel wary about it, and I’ve had two kids recently), but there are other ways to support you. Food, getting your washing done, holding the baby for half an hour while you get a long shower. There are tons of little things that people can do easily that will all help you to feel more human.

It’s going to get better, but right now ask for help. Ask loudly and often. You need this.

OP do you have a children's centre near you? I know sometimes it can be a massive pride basher but ours were phenomenal. I was referred to them by the HV when, at 6 weeks old, i presented her to them in hysterics & told them to 'take her back' 😬 Some children's centres have funding that covers trained volunteers who come to your house & watch your baby for you for a few hours. Honest to god it was a life saver; it gave me chance to have a bath, get some washing done, eat a decent meal. Maybe something to consider if you have no RL support around you x

She had to go back in for a week due to her jaundice then when she got back out we went back a week later because she had bronchiolitis for 2 weeks.

She is bottle fed, I've tried the cowgate comfort milk, but it doesn't help.

She isn't going to the toilet and opening her bowels like she should be so I am constantly at the doctors with her.

I just feel like she scream 20 hours out of the day and when we do finally get to sleep she wakes up and screams again.

It could be something like a cow's milk protein intolerance.
What's the problem with her poo?

I'd maybe ask the GP to prescribe a hypoallergenic formula to see if that helps.

Is she sick a lot? Could be reflux

You sound like a great mum in how much you care for your daughter.
I'm sorry your family aren't more supportive.
I can't even imagine how hard it is having a newborn on your own. Babies are absolutely exhausting, overwhelming and all-consuming. Sleep deprivation is the worst.

Do you have any friends who can come over and watch the baby for an hour while you have a nap?
Like a pp said I would go to your local children's centre as they are really helpful at offering support and letting you know what's out there.

Oh you poor poor love

When she cries use headphones for yourself, it helps if you can't hear it so intensely. You might also want to consider safe co-sleeping (for naps too so you get some rest, nothing else matters right now)

Also if you're frustrated at this age you can say "shhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" As loud as you like and they just hear it as white noise. It can be quite the stress reliever sometimes