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Postnatal health

How did you cope when partner went back to work? I'm feeling anxious - especially at night

15 replies

Jellybabie3 · 20/10/2017 18:22

Just wondered how people coped when your OH has gone back to work?

I am a ftm and my DH goes back Monday. We didnt have a good birth for DS it was long (3 days) and ended in emergency c section. It really took its toll on all 3 of us - my DS lost 13% body weight so we were kept in hosp which ate DH pat leave. Weve tried to relax since coming home but with a feeding plan etc its not turned out how we planned. DS is ok now but I get really anxious at night which I think stems back to the nights alone with DS in hosp while implementing the feeding plan - he was very distressed which was upsetting for me.

DH has been great, doing washing, nappies etc. I am feeling anxious about coping without him. Everytime it gets dark I feel sad and anxious and with the clocks changing next week I am already worried about how I will feel even during the day.

I don't have many friends and those I have will be at work. I have family but am conscious I want to do what I can as a mum.

OP posts:
Pennywhistle · 20/10/2017 18:28

I was very worried the night before DH went back to work following the birth of our twins but actually it was fine.

I worked out ways to manage in my own.

I went for lots of walks to the shops and the library with the pram and got chatting to all sorts of people.

However hard your day is someone telling you how gorgeous your baby is always makes you smile.

Start investigating Mother and Baby groups on your area, churches often have inexpensive groups going on and there’s usually story time at the library too.

It’s a great way to make friends with other Mums with babies at the same stage.

You will be fine, it will get easier.

mycatloveslego · 20/10/2017 18:49

I was terrified when my DH went back to work, as he works away during the week. My newborn DS2 had been in SBCU as he’d had a blood clot on the brain and started fitting at home 2 days after we took him home.
The first couple of nights on my own I didn’t sleep at all worrying about what might happen. After that, I was so exhausted I had to sleep, and it got easier.
I made sure I was really organised, laying everything I would need out for bedtime/bathtime and made sure I had food for dinner made in advance that I could quickly prepare/eat with one hand, plenty of water by the bed, snacks, my iPad and headphones so I could distract myself if I couldn’t sleep.I got into a routine, and the more organised I was, the more in control I felt and the less I worried. DH was great too, he kept his phone on all night and if I was struggling I’d call him for moral support.
I went out and met other new mums at feeding support groups and through the NCT. We’d even be messaging each other during night feeds- so comforting to know you’re not the only one awake!
DS2 is 6 months now and I can honestly say I have gotten so used to managing the boys on my own and it really isn’t that bad. I’m very proud that I can do it, as I didn’t think I had it in me!
You can do it, you will be great. You are all your baby needs. X

Jellybabie3 · 20/10/2017 22:04

Ok thanks x

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MenorcaSunrise · 22/10/2017 05:32

I had the same experience, difficult labour, EMCS, long stay at hospital, difficult feeding plan and difficulty feeding at night. Plus a supportive partner who did everything including carrying my baby to my boobs! I was pretty anxious about his returning to work too.

I did find that once I was on my own, I found I had to get on with it (because baby wasn't going to wait for me!), and it was sometimes hard, but I gained confidence in myself every day. As soon as partner is back, he'll be so pleased to see you both and you can dunk the baby on him and have a rest!

I also second some mum and baby groups - try the library, church, gym, community centre, free trials of classes (I think many will be on half term break next week). I aim to do no more than 1 activity a day at most - getting them out the door and back again, then recovering from it all takes up most of the day I find!

And definitely try to get out for a walk, to the park, shops - it's good for baby to get some daylight. People will smile and chat to you about your baby and you can make the most of the light and being able to get out during the day.

You will find a way to manage and will treasure the time you have alone with him! x

Jellybabie3 · 22/10/2017 05:42

Thank you

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repetitionrepetition · 22/10/2017 06:03

what are you worried about exactly?

my DP works away so is only home sunday nights for 6 weeks at a time. my baby is now 6 months old (today!) and it has been tough, but we’ve made it!! he’s getting a little more independent now in some ways. when you have to manage you just do!

speakout · 22/10/2017 06:13

OP I would speak to your health visitor. Sounds like you had a pretty tough time with the birth, that can take an emotional toll.
No help but my OH only took one day off work after the birth of our babies and I have no family help.
I just had to get on with it.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 22/10/2017 06:23

With a newborn, you can’t always stick to rigidly to a plan. You sometimes have to let them dictate their own schedules. That’s how I found it anyway. I had it all planned out - or so I thought. Then baby had his own ideas!
Also, the housework won’t always get done, and that’s ok. Just go with it.

RoryItsSnowing · 22/10/2017 06:49

I was terrified and had no idea how I would ever make it through one day, let alone the rest of maternity leave.
I won't lie it was tough, but it gets easier every day. Just remember there's no pressure to do anything- as long as you and baby are fed and warm that's enough of an achievement for at least the next few weeks Smile

Simmy10 · 22/10/2017 09:16

Hi. I am feeling the same jelliebabie3. My OH goes back to work on Tuesday and I am feeling anxious about being alone with baby. My main worry is what if baby cries and I can't soothe him, even after I have gone through the check list of nappy/milk/cuddle :-( . My family live an hour and a half away. My in laws live nearby (about a ten minute walk) but while I was expecting they kept saying how they can't help me when baby comes so I feel like a failure if I ask for their help. They are pensioners so I completely understand why they said they can't help but their daughter and grandchild (5 years old) live with them and have been for nearly 4 years. They are very active grandparents for their daughters child and used to change nappies, feed him, look after him at night, do the playgroup pick ups and drop offs. I lived with them for 3 years and saw this first hand. They do the school run now. I feel like i cant ask for their help as they have made their position clear :-( My OH has been helping me with baby but I just feel so nervous about being alone with baby. I have been alone with baby for a morning/afternoon here or there as OH did errands but I always had the comfort of being able to call him and say come back home. When he is at work I can't do that. He will be back every day this week as he is working at the local office but a lot of the time he works away so I will be alone at nights with baby as well (Monday night to thurday night). Feeling worried about the nights as well. I am planning to go to my parents when OH working away but worried that this may not always be possible if have doctor or midwife appointments. I feel like I am worrying in advance but can't seem to stop myself :-(

Jellybabie3 · 22/10/2017 23:19


OP posts:
MenorcaSunrise · 22/10/2017 23:48

One thing I can guarantee is that baby can't cry forever - after 3 hours or so, they will have to sleep. So in the worst case scenario, you might need to toughen it out doing anything you can to soothe them, and they will drop off!

And as stressful as it is, I find the time goes by really quickly! I have no idea where the hours go during the day - our baby is struggling with reflux now, and whole days seem to be devoted to a cycle of soothing until they sleep, then recovering until the next session! It's tough, but you learn to cope!

Jellybabie3 · 23/10/2017 00:28

I'm not too worried about the crying as such. Just DH has taken such good care of us after a crappy birth. Brings me food and drinks and does nappies etc. I know i haven't coped that well as birth didnt 'go to plan' and my emotions are all over the place. I've just never loved him more than i do now. Gutted his pat leave was robbed by a bad experience. I know it couldve been so much worse and i am truelly grateful to be sat here with my boy, but i had such high hopes for special family time this past two weeks Sad he cried tonight Sad

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ParkheadParadise · 23/10/2017 01:00

@Jellybabie3 You'll be fine honestly. When I had Dd2 I had suffered an breveament during my pregnancy. DH was here for the first 6wks and done everything for Dd2. When he went back to work I was terrified. At first I didn't know what to do. I found getting out everyday, to the shop's or even just a walk round the park helped. I soon got into a routine joined some baby group's and met other mum's helped.

Jellybabie3 · 23/10/2017 01:27

Ok thanks. I guess i will find out! Ds still cluster feeding since 11pm Sad

OP posts:
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