I can't feed my newborn- please help me

[hairylegsdontcare]

We took our beautiful baby daughter home from hospital yesterday- she was born on Sunday.

I was just starting to get the hang of breastfeeding, and she fed well from 10.10 to 10.45 this morning, then went to sleep. At 2.30 we woke her to feed. We persevered for nearly 3 hours and I just cannot get her to latch properly. She took 5 or 6 quick sucks, then came off. She is now asleep so must have had something??? But I am so worried about her. I feel like a shit mum and gave been utterly beside myself that I can't feed her.

We have so many numbers and targets for feeding- 1/2 dirty nappies, at least 8 feeds in 24 hours. We are not getting anywhere near it- no dirty nappies and just 4 feeds in the last 24 hours.

We are having a midwife visit us soon because I am in such a state. I can't stop the tears.

I feel so alone and like I can't look after my girl. Please help me. What is going wrong?

There's nothing going wrong. Not everybody takes to/ can do great feeding.
I desperatly wanted to but baby couldn't latch on and I never got the ' let down' reflex.
Can you try expressing some milk? Feeding her from a bottle?
My feeling would be if she isn't screaming she can't be hungry.
The only thing I don't like about breast feeding us that you have no idea how much your baby has got.
If you are struggling you could get some formula in and feed breast in conjunction with it.
Thus is what I did and it worked a treat. I expressed my measly 40 ml ( took me two hours ) and gave that to daughter and then topped her up with formula. She grew like a bloody bean !! ( she was only 4.6 when I brought her home)
Don't beat yourself up. You are not alone and you are not shit..try to relax. Phone your mum or a friend for some advice/ comfort.
You will get through this, we all have feeling of inadequacy at done point or another.

Keep going you're doing brilliantly. You're absolutely NOT a shit mum!

Learning to breastfeed can be tricky, not everyone gets it straight away.

She might be tired so you can try to keep her awake by tickling the side of her mouth or under her chin while she's feeding.

You won't be able to express and feed from a bottle until your milk comes in. Ask your midwife for a syringe if you'd like to express.

It's really tough, I hope a midwife gets to you soon. There's a huge hormonal shift that happens when milk comes in, and can leave you weeping, it certainly did for me. I'm sure someone with more experience of breastfeeding support will come on shortly, but I wanted to say keep up the good work and keep asking for help when you need it, Le Lech league are fab in area.

In this situation I had to wake my sleepy baby to feed. Best not to let baby go more than 3 hours before start of one feed and the start of the next.

In a very similar situation I ended up hand expressing colostrum to syringe feed baby until she had the energy to feed from me.

Getting feeding started took quite a bit of determination!

You can wake baby to feed by stripping them off and ticking their feet. Also pumping their upper arm gently while they're on the boob can help to keep them suckling.

Tears are normal, about day 4-5 after baby is born. The hormones dip I think, making you feel low.

Your milk might be trying to come through still.

Is there a local breastfeeding group? Have a google & if you can, pop down there tomorrow for help.

You are doing everything right

Oh and you're a brilliant mum! Breastfeeding is just really really hard in those early days.

Don't panic. If the midwife is coming she will be able to help. Some babies struggle to stay awake, my son did, and nobody mentioned to me that I might need to wake him up to feed.

1. If the latch isn't right, take the baby off (a pinky finger in the side of her mouth will dislodge her) and try again. Stay calm and keep trying.
2. If the baby falls asleep mid feed, wake her up. Try: blowing in her face, tickling her feet, stripping her down to her nappy.
3. If she goes 2 hours without a feed, try waking her up.
4. You could try squeezing some milk out by hand to drop onto her lips, that might make her open up.
5. You can look at her neck and ears to see whether she is swallowing.

She's only very new, and despite all you hear about it being the most natural thing in the world, for lots of people and babies, bf is something you both have to learn how to do. Please don't panic, seek out help, you will get there. I had the same problems and fed both of mine for over a year.

Oh lovely, it's so hard at the beginning, you're doing a great job and don't kid yourself - it's like this for everyone. Everyone struggles at the start.

I would see if there any lactation consultants near you, I was lucky to find a breastfeeding clinic nearby that I visited. Also La Leche league - there should be a local Facebook group you can ask for advice on, and they'll have some BFing helpers to give advice.

Best of luck

Some people swear by Kellymom for advice

kellymom.com/category/bf/

Actually @Tiktok is a BF consultant I think and is on here a lot.

Expressing some milk is a good idea if you can't get her to latch on but please don't feed it to her in a bottle it is a completely different way for your baby to suck and will confuse her.
Go online and find the number for your local NCT group they should be able to put you in touch with a breastfeeding advisor who will come and help you. There is no charge, you could also try la leche League who also have trained breastfeeding advisors.
Don't forget your midwife or health visitor too.
Good luck, keep going you will get there but it's important that baby doesn't go too long without a feed or she will get very tired and weak, your baby's tummy is the size of a walnut it doesn't take much to fill it but it also doesn't take long for her to digest it.
You are a wonderful mum who is doing her best for her baby

I remember being in your shoes and it was the worst experience of my life, so you have all my sympathy

I have extremely flat nipples and DD couldn't latch onto them at all. Tried nipple shields and my nipples couldn't even be drawn fully into them (apparently that is essential for milk transfer?). Anyway, she too wasn't weeing or pooing and I just knew something was desperately wrong. Community midwives didn't visit...

One thing I will say is please don't assume that five or six sucks means she is getting something. She may not be. I don't want to scare you by saying that, but it needs to be said.

My DD started having episodes of violent jittering which shook the Moses basket as she slept. I now know that's a sign of low blood sugar.

Switched to formula and never looked back. She's six now but I still think about the first five days of her life because it was so horrific.

How was last night? I hope you are both doing ok

Congratulations on your new babe. Hoe are you doing today? Are you doing lots of skin to skin cuddles? That all helps milk come in. Midwife should be able to help with latch and positioning or is there a BF supporting scheme near you?

We pretty much all feel like this - don't panic! Firstly, call the midwives back and ask them to make your visit a priority. Secondly, get your support lined up - find your nearest breastfeeding cafe/drop in and lactation consultant in case you need them later on.

I went to a breast feeding class yesterday and they said day 2 is all about increasing supply. So baby will feed all the time but it's to stimulate your milk production.
And baby's tummy is the size of a cherry on day 1 and the size of a walnut on day 2. So a little bit fills then up.

How are you getting on today?

@heyroly glad someone said it... so often everyone just says "keep going you're doing great!" even when mum and baby are miserable and baby is literally starving.
Glad your LO had no lasting issues from this

I had an awful time trying to feed, but luckily I was already aware of the dangers of dehydration and low blood sugar and started supplementing right from the start. Had loads of support; in hospital for 5 days followed by support from 2 private lactation consultants and private tongue tie consultant and still couldn't get it to work.... We are now exclusively formula feeding and everyone is doing well. I know if I continued down the road I was on I would have pushed myself into PND.