Depression

[loversrock]

I'm interested to hear if anyone suffered with depression or feelings of regret through their entire pregnancy and had a complete change of heart at the birth of their baby? I'm currently 36 weeks and have been struggling to come to terms with it all even now I wonder if I made the right decision. Me and my partner weren't together long before I fell pregnant and it has been a lot to deal with and all just very overwhelming meeting each other's families etc. although we are really happy together and there are no problems. I desperately want to fall in love with my baby as soon as I see her and forget all my feelings as I have really found it hard to bond with my bump but I'm terrified I'm going to sink under with post natal depression. Has anyone had a similar experience? Thanks x

Please please don't worry about bonding immediately with your baby. Very very few people get a massive rush of love and newborns are demanding and exhausting.
I used to look at DS and pray to get a rush as I thought that it meant I didn't love him/hadn't bonded if I didn't. Total bollocks. It takes time sometimes. DS is now almost two and I know I love him furiously and always have but I should never have obsessed about it when he was tiny. I won't be with the next one. Be kind to yourself, take it easy and know that this worry id very very normal.

I didn't get a rush of love with my first baby, now 6, I was so happy and excited to meet him but after a traumatic birth he arrived and nothing, it was like a was numb, it took time to build up (around 6 months I'd say)
Second baby, the rush of love hit me like a steam train, it was so overwhelming that I couldn't stop crying with love and happiness. The birth was straight forward and quite quick and I breastfed my second for the bond (bottle fed my first) x

Poor you worrying and you are helping yourself already even just being aware postnatal depression exists as recognising it if it ever occurs I'm sure is important already. And chances are you just won't need to. I also once read that deficiency in good omega oils or something can play a part but wish I knew more, I think it was in a Patrick holford nutrition book and sounded interesting to be aware of in case helpful.
I was so excited by our first baby but even then i learned to love her more and more as she grew older so I don't think you need to expect an immediate rush of falling in love or anything as for me all the bonding or most of it came as I got to really know her. Hope that helps .

I didn't feel a rush of love because I was so shocked. I remember the shock of her arrival.
The tremendous love grew as I held her in my arms and spent time watching her, touching her beautiful fingers and toes, kissing her downy hair and her eyelashes gently touching her cheeks. Love grows when you hold them in the night as they sleep or when they are awake, protect them in the day, sing and play with them.
For me i enjoyed bottle feeding far more than breast feeding, and my enjoyment of my baby increased considerably without the pain and pressure of bf, everyone is different. You must find your own way with your beautiful baby.
Try not to feel afraid or fearful, embrace this wonderful opportunity. Pregnancy felt like an illness to me but once the baby arrived and once I adjusted ( this will take time) try to make the most of it

Don't worry about it. Just go with the flow. Also, don't panic if you don't feel overwhelmed. My baby is almost 8 weeks and before his birth i used to fantasize about meeting him and bursting into tears- the same with my husband. I also used to fantasize abiutbhaving a water birth... however, I was induced and delivery was quite traumatic and I haemorraged afterwards. I was more "in awe" when he was born but I'm feeding him right now and I can't imagine him not being in my life. He's made me experience feelings I never knew existed. I love him more than i could ever imagine.
What i will say though, my son was born I the Monday and on the Friday evening my husband's mum, dad, brother, wife and my stepson (8- who was staying with us for the weekend) visited and this was far too much for me. I was doing so well but on the Saturday I was so tearful and I think this triggered "baby blues". I'm someone who really doesn't like being imposed on (or generally having visitors!) I know some people may find it so helpful but it didn't work for me. So just have a think of this before your baby arrives.

Thanks so much everyone. I think there's so many expectations on how you should feel throughout pregnancy and at the birth but I haven't enjoyed this pregnancy that much and I have wondered if I have done the right thing all the way through but I wouldn't tell anyone because I feel ashamed to feel that way I should feel so 'happy and excited'. X