Feeling like a crap Mum and don't know what to do ...

[Poppydm]

So my DD is almost 14 weeks old and she is just the most amazing little thing. It's fair to say though that we've had a run of tough times since she was born. I was fairly weepy for a good few weeks after her birth and it took me a while to find my feet. She was diagnosed with a tongue tie early on and she had it snipped. The midwife who did it didn't do it correctly so it needed to be done again. That time it reattached so it had to be done a third time. I was mortified by this as it was awful seeing her distressed and it made her unsettled for a few days after each time. I took her to an osteopath to tie in with the third snip to make sure that this time it was correct and she would be better. Just as we were getting over that hurdle, I got gastroenteritis. I was I'll for around 8 days and my DD ended up coming down with it. I took so much care to ensure I was always washing hands etc so again I was mortified. She had a fever though and so took her to the GP. He said we should go up to the hospital. I took her straight there. After a few tests, she was found to have a UTI. It was caught very quickly and she recovered very quickly. It's practice now for any baby who has had a uti to undergo a series of tests. 1. An ultrasound. 2. A catheter inserted into the bladder 3. Dye injected. In the meantime she has to take a prophylactic antibiotic. So fast forward again and in the middle of the night last week, she was waking every few hours and had a fever. I took her to the gp again who suspected another uti. So back we went to hospital. Fortunately it wasn't a uti but they wanted to do some more tests to establish what was causing her high temperature. It took 4 attempts to get a canular into her little hand. It was so awful and I cried my eyes out. All bloods were fine and she was found to have a viral infection which we've all since had. I feel so so guilty that she's had so many traumatic experiences in her tiny little life. I want so much for her to be happy and feel safe and content. People are always commenting on how she's had a tough start and it makes me feel so so bad. I feel like people think I'm doing a rubbish job and am struggling. I wish I could've done some things differently. Now I'm supposed to take her for the start of these uti tests next week and I can't bare the thought of taking her for more awful things. The catheter is supposed to be painful and can cause them to bleed when the pee. I would probably feel more comfortable about it if I knew for sure it needed doing but I really feel like the uti came as a result of the gastroenteritis and the constant diarrhea she was having. Just looking for some reassurance and advice :-(

Oh mate, having a wee baby is hard enough but that's a ton of bad luck. My DD had a similar story re TT, that was tough but gastro and UTIs...poor soul.

I can't offer practical advice but

• this is not your fault
• all of this horrid invasive stuff WILL make her better
• keep giving her cuddles
• take every piece of support offered.

Major for you and DD

Hi there, I went through something similar. My baby is 8 weeks next week and when he was 4 weeks he got a hernia (which was terrifying in itself because we knew he needed an op). He was admitted to hospital and the following day had a scan as the hernia had blocked blood supply. By default, during the scan, it was picked up that his kidney was inflamed and not functioning as it should and that he had a cyst in his willy. Over the course of several days, we found out he had a uti and significantly low sodium levels. The hernia became the least of our problems. He was having 4 hourly blood tests and had a new cannula in between 2-4 times a day. At one point he had one in his hand and foot. He Also had 5 catheters in over the space of 10 days. He ended up having bladder spasms which were really painful for him. The medical staff describe them as "uncomfortable" as they do the cannula. However, I was recently in hospital and had a cannula in and I think "agony" is more accurate.
Like you, we need to go back for all of the tests. Please dont feel like it's your fault. These things are honestly sent to try us. I fully believe in that. If it wasn't for my son having a hernia we wouldn't have known about the other issues as quickly and with low sodium levels could have been looking at a much more scary situation. So i believe that was fate. The thing you need to remember is that your baby won't remember this. However, you will and it will probably have an impact on your parenting and your relationship (for the better). So stop feeling like a failure and thank your stars for being given a tough resilient baby. When shes older and doubts herself, you'll be her champion and will motivate and encourage her because she is a strong little person. Xxx

Hi, my younger daughter had UTI when she was 4 months old. She went for follow up scans and had frequent urine tests (no catheter though). Everything was fine. They just want to check if the cause of the UTI is structural and whether the infection left scars on kidneys (very unlikely, but they want to be on the safe side). My daughter had a similar start to your baby. It was horrible at the time, but she really doesn't remember and more importantly, it is something which will most probably have no impact on her later in life in terms of long term consequences. My DD was on AB basically from day one due to high billirubin rate (they suspected it was caused by strep b). Then when she was 7 weeks old we were admitted to hospital with bronchiolitis. It took weeks to clear and once it cleared, she got UTI. She is almost 6 now and no bronchitis/asthma or UTIs since then.
I know it's tough but just look at the great scheme of things, those things are 'fixable' and sooner or later you will be out of these worries and back to usual baby stuff. I know it doesn't look like that from your current perspective, but it will pass.

Thank you so much everyone. Mammy your message made me have a little tear. It's just hard when it's your tiny little baby and you feel like you should protect them from any nasty experiences. It's also hard when all of your mummy friends seem to be having a better time of it. I know everyone has their battles but just adds to the guilt I feel for my baby. Sorry to hear about the things that you've all experienced but I'm glad to hear things are all ok now. I think you're right and I just need to put things into perspective x

Don't forget you're totally within your rights to have down days and feel like rubbish though... but your little girl is going to be absolutely fine and doesn't think you're a crap mum. She'll just be glad that she's had you through all these tough times. Things will get better and there's nothing you could or should have done differently. I beat myself up about my baby having a uti but he showed me that whatever is thrown at him, he'll give it a good fight. I know that he gets his determination from his mummy and ill bet your girl gets hers from you. Chin up x

Just to add, you don't have to consent to invasive tests if you don't think they're necessary. My little one had a similarly tough start to life (tongue tie division, uti, multiple canulas etc...) and we declined the heel prick and hearing test on the basis that we just wanted him left alone!

I think you've both had a rough time, however what's been happening with baby is beyond your control. All you can do is care and comfort, which you are doing. Most if us mums are weepy for a few weeks, be kind to yourself.
As for the medical tests, ask lots if questions, use the BRAIN formula in your decision making
B-benefits- what are benefits of doing this
R- risk-what are risks
A-alternatives-what are they
I-intuition-what are your instincts
N-nothing-what happens if you do nothing, this is an option too
Hope it helps xx