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Postnatal health

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Original poster

Petrified something bad will happen to my baby

10 replies

mama0got0moves · 08/08/2017 23:08

I'm posting here because I have no other idea on what to do to calm myself.

I am literally petrified something bad will happen to my baby OR something is already wrong and I don't know it yet.

I am extremely anxious, with today escalating to the point where I couldn't leave the house because baby hasn't yet had his jabs AND me worrying about his high pitch cry (have read some very scary things on the web!) - these worries matched with a baby who is extremely fussy in the evening (suspect colic) and won't sleep longer than 1-2 hours at a time, is making it almost too much to bare.

I suffered a huge bout of baby blues when I returned from the hospital but felt I improved after a couple of weeks. However, over the last week, it feels to have come back and this time rather than brush it off as hormones I generally feel as though I have ALOT to be worried about.

Does anyone have any tips on how to get over this? I am generally worried because I have suffered with health anxiety in the past and feel as though these thoughts and feelings are all too familiar - just this time I'm dirtied about the health of my baby and not me.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 08/08/2017 23:09

You need to speak to your GP. This is something you can treat.

buttercup54321 · 08/08/2017 23:12

I think you have bad postnatal depression and should discuss it with someone at your health centre. Sending hugs xxx

AreWeThereYet000 · 08/08/2017 23:19

Classic sign of PND I was the same with my first, I'd not sleep as I'd panic something would happen, I'd repeatedly check doors and windows were locked to make sure someone couldn't get in or he couldn't get out. I begged for a break and then when someone offered to watch him I'd last about 15 minutes as I was so scared something would happen, he would roll of a bed, he would suffocate etc.

Every rash I thought worst case and the worst thing was in my head I could rationally explain what it was - itritated by dribble for example but the other part of my brain had flags going.

I had CBT therapy and antidepressants it lasted until he was a good year old but now I'm 'cured' have a second child and do not suffer from PND this time round - if I do get irrational thoughts I can train myself to be rational using cbt Flowers

DropZoneOne · 08/08/2017 23:28

If you've been treated for anxiety in the past and recognise the feelings as the same, please go and see your GP. It's easy to feel anxious with a new born and lack of sleep doesn't help, but what you describe sounds more than standard new parent anxiety and the earlier you get help, the sooner you can enjoy your new baby rather than be constantly worried.

X

musicmomma · 09/08/2017 09:12

Hello my love Flowers for you xx this could have been me writing this cry for help 4 months ago when baby music was born. He seemed too good to be true, SIDS seemed an utter inevitability, he had newborn acne which I was sure was meningitis and I cried with relief when the midwife explained what it was. You are simply exhausted and your mind is torturing you, just like mine did. The awesome responsibility of having a baby overwhelms your brain and this panic can be the outcome of that. I can rationally explain this to myself now whenever I have a bad panicky day but a few months ago the terror was so acute and the worst fears and visions of anything happening to my baby were more real to be than anything in the real world. It's a horrible feeling and utterly inescapable at the time. BUT this is an illness, it is severe anxiety, and you are simply experiencing the symptoms of that. You will feel better, I promise. Hang in there because you are a wonderful mum, it's just your instinct to protect your baby has gone a bit haywire! I used to say to myself "I am safe, my baby is safe, I have done a good job today" out loud and that used to help me a lot

Original poster
mama0got0moves · 09/08/2017 14:06

Thank you for your kind words and support. I am calmer today, (anxiety always gets worse at night time). I will happily talk to my gp but I don't want to take antidepressants. Also I don't think this is a depression because I'm not exhibiting most of the symptoms to look out for. It's def more anxiety about something happening to DS. I had a long and tricky labour and he was eventually born via ECS. I can't stop thinking he has either been traumatised by the birth or his little body damaged in some unknown way. Every time I pick him up I worry I'm doing more damage because he just seems so fragile.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 09/08/2017 14:08

It's absolutely normal to be a bit anxious about a brand new baby. But this is far far more than being a new mum. Your anxiety is completely excessive and you need to get help. That may or may not include medication. Drugs are not the enemy and can form part of an effective treatment plan. But do get help. ASAP.

AreWeThereYet000 · 09/08/2017 16:10

I couldn't believe I had depression either I thought you had to be really sad all the time to have it, which I wasn't. But PND manifests itself in so many ways and high anxiety is one of them, my health visitor referred me for the CBT counselling which may be the option for you if you do not want medication, but honestly even if you have it as I did it's nothing to be ashamed of x

Lilacpenny1 · 01/11/2017 16:35

I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way. I suffer from bad anxiety also (which manifests itself in an obsessional way just how you are describing). I have had CBT and talking therapy (no medication) and both have been life saviours. I strongly recommend you ask your GP if you can be referred to have CBT with someone who understands obsessional health anxiety. As you say, you've suffered from that before, so it sounds like you are now projecting your health worries onto your baby. The sooner you get help from an expert who understands anxiety the much better it will be for the baby and for you. The irony here is that your obsessional behaviour will end up being the only thing that harms your baby (i.e. scared to hold it or leave the flat) - not any of the things you are worrying about. Get expert help - I would imagine this kind of behaviour is classic for new mums who have previously suffered from anxiety or OCD....... Those with anxiety/OCD are perfectionists and we also suffer from an unhealthy and heightened sense of responsibility (which I know from my own irrational worries can be crippling......). Add a baby into the equation and those heightened feelings of responsibility multiply dramatically and risk remaining intolerable unless you seek help and learn how to not let your anxiety torment you. This level of anxiety is impacting on your ability to care for your baby, so please don't suffer alone and seek help.

dede124 · 01/11/2017 17:53

Poor you @mama0got0moves Flowers how old is your baby boy? I can relate to the anxiety. My baby girl is just over 2 weeks and I hate people holding her I am constantly worried about germs and her catching something off someone. I try to make sure everyone washes their hands before they hold her and when they do hold her I can't take my eyes off her in fear that she might be uncomfortable or something. When people have been round to visit and held her I can't wait to take her upstairs and wipe her down. We went out for a walk to the shop yesterday and I felt guilty all night panicking incase it was too cold or she may have caught something. I have become obsessed with germs! I hope it passes Xx

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