I think I'm beginning to get really ill

[willothewisp17]

I posted the other day about feeling really anxious after getting my 10 week premature baby home after I had been so so looking forward to having her, fast forward to now and I am not coping in the slightest. It's fine all day because people come and go and my wonderful husband and mum are there all day but it hits night and it's just me and my husband and I'm a mess. I'm so frustrated with her for a variety of different reasons and feeling immensely guilty because I shouldn't be frustrated with her, she's only a baby and she doesn't deserve an awful mum. It's already my fault she came early because I just had to have a health problem and now I can't even make up for it by being a good mum. She was crying earlier and I screamed. No words, just a scream. Sat in the bathroom alone for a little while afterwards and then sobbed into her Moses basket. I was supposed to be good at this, I love her so so much

I just wanted to send you love and hugs. Sounds to me like PND. Please go to your Dr as soon as you can.

You are doing fine but you need a bit of support for you.

Oh OP, you've been through so much, please don't think of yourself as an awful mum! These early weeks are hard for anyone and your little family got off to a rough start.
Like Babipotjam I suggest you have a chat with your Dr. Is your husband supportive in the evenings? How about your mum, will she be understanding if you tell her hard you're finding this?

I have been where you are, without having the additional challenges of having had a preemie. My baby is now seven and a half months old and things are a lot easier, but I found it very very hard to cope in the beginning. I had very little resilience, and my two year old was regularly getting us up for the day at 0530am and I crumbled. On several occasions I ended up just screaming (having left the house to do so) because U felt so overwhelmed and exhausted and needed to get the frustration out somehow. You will get through this and are NOT alone. Sending hugs. Be kind to yourself: this is a really hard time. X

Don't try to cope alone. Tell your Mum, husband, Dr, and ask for whatever you want.
Maybe you just need to get out of the house on your own for a bit sometimes, or to have an afternoon nap when others are there for the baby.
Or maybe it is PND and needs medical help.
You don't have to keep trying to cope on your own and definitely don't blame yourself!

Having a baby born at normal term is tough, let alone all the extra worries and challenges of having a preemie. Do you have a supportive partner/ family? I agree with others you should talk to your dr/ HV.