So confused

[Newmum102]

I'm a first time Mum, and my son is now 5 weeks old. I feel at times I struggle. I love my son, I do it's just that sometimes I struggle to deal with him. For instance tonight my husband is out, his best friend is moving abroad so it's not like it's a regular jaunt out. I just can't seem to get him to settle and I just want to run away. I've now felt like this a few times. I love my son, and I couldn't imagine not having him but at the same time I just don't want to be here, I want to run away.

I've suffered previously with MH issues and it doesn't feel like it has done previously I'm just scared I go down this path and I don't want too.

I'm annoyed my partner hasn't checked in to see if we are ok. He was out last week as well and again didn't check in. He was meeting all the other dads from our nct course.

I just feel like right now I'm all over the place and I don't know whether I'm drowning or not. I just look at my son and know I would never do anything to hurt him but I do get myself worked up when I can't settle him and find myself putting him down and just watching him for a few moments whilst he cries. I just sit crying myself.

I'm not expecting anything just wanted to get it out

If you've previously had MH issues, there's a higher chance of you developing PND, so don't discount that.

However, having a baby, especially your first, can be very overwhelming. For some of us it can be an utter shock going from being independent and able to do / go what and where you like, to suddenly sometimes struggling just to go to the loo / have a shower / eat a (hot) meal without this tiny person needing you right at that moment.

Babies are still adjusting to the outside world for the first three months, so just naturally want to be close by us. I just gave in to that with all three of mine and enjoyed the cuddles - catch up on box sets / movies / books etc. It did mean stuff didn't always get done when it should, and even now that dc3 is 2.9yo I do things throughout the day when I can, e.g. Maybe peel potatoes after breakfast, nip up and clean the bathroom if he's enjoying something on CBeebies.

Lots of us could give advice on settling your baby, but at the end of the day, you will know him best. Over a very short period of time, you really will come to know what he needs and when. What best settled him etc. The one thing I did learn very quickly was to stay calm, voice low and consistent and don't keep trying something different after five mins if one thing didn't work.

Babies tend to like rhythm, so if you feel you need space for you, you could try and get him used to a baby chair, just by popping him in for a few minutes at a time and gently rocking it, then build the time up that he'll stay in it.

You're not alone. It really is a big change and not all of us manage as we think we should from day one. It takes time to adjust.

Think this is an epic post sorry, and probably others have been along with much more practical succinct advice!

Sorry you are feeling shitty but look at it like you dh thinks you're doing a smashing job - and maybe thought you might appreciate the peace since he is out!
Tell him how you are really feeling tomorrow but don't make him feel bad for having some time out. Make sure you get some 'me time too' .

OP, this sounds like me when DD was 5 weeks old so I trotted to the GPs and got put on some wonderful antidepressants as I got diagnosed with PND. She is 6 months now and I am owning the mum thing. Don't be scared to ask for help if your feeling low, the sooner you nip it in the bud the better.

Newborns are bloody relentless and hard work and sometimes they make you want to scream into a pillow but it does get easier. I think the first 3 months are the hardest, just know that what your feeling doesn't make you a bad mum, or a failure!

Speak to your DH about how you are feeling and keep him posted so he can take the pressure off when it all gets a bit much.

Daisy that's exactly how I feel. Not all the time but there are certainly points throughout the day. I just feel so helpless that I can't get him to settle. It's not all the time, it just seems to happen when I feel that extra bit vulnerable.

As for talking to my husband, he came in and could tell I had been crying. I had just picked up the little one from his cot as he had woken up again after like 5 minutes of me putting him down and he took over. We spoke, and I've told him how I feel. It doesn't help that baby is now fast asleep in his arms like nothing has happened this evening.

MissJc glad to hear you are now owning being a Mum, and I'm not afraid as such to ask for help. I mentioned it to my HV on Friday about the occasional low mood so it is out there. I just don't think it helps that I've not been able to get out to the gym or a run like I used to do if I needed a time out.

I also struggle to be away from my baby which I know is normal, and I've slowly stopped taking over when the husband is dealing with him. I know it'll get easier, tonight just has me at quite a low point. Glad to have gotten it out, and I'm glad DH knows.

Thanks ladies

It's a well known thing that babies often settle for somebody else by the way, as they pick up more on their mums being anxious / stressed. Then somebody else picks up your screaming baby and they settle immediately, everybody says ahhh, you're great with babies you, to whoever happened to pick baby up, and you then feel even worse.
(As you can probably tell, I've been through very similar! I've had 3 gorgeous babies, all 3 sleepless wonders, 3 lots of PND, and I'd still do it all again tomorrow if I was a few years younger! Honestly, it really does pass).
Think of it as a new job, doesn't matter how well prepared, you don't know everything on the first day.