Not coping

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I'll try to keep this short. Me and my partner broke up 3 weeks ago after a very turbulent on off relationship of two years. We have an 11 month old together and I have a 3yo from previous relationship.

I was gutted but had started feeling stronger then had some issues re contact, he wants to take me to court, is telling anyone who will listen that I'm a liar and have brainwashed everyone into thinking he's a bad person. I've been used for a long time and can see now that he didn't love me like I did him.

Now to the main point. I'm just not coping, not coping with the kids, my responsibilities. I don't want to do it anymore. When we were together I found it hard going from one to two but had him to lean on for limited support. I am broken. Barely holding it together. I spend the days waiting for the kids bed time. I have nice moments with them but on the most part just feel like I don't want it anymore. I just feel like I don't want to be a mum anymore. With my first I never felt any of this but right now I just want to turn my back on it all. I'm tired, resentful, finding life very very hard at the minute and I just can't see past it. Friends and family don't understand. They tell me I'm strong, I'm a great mum etc the inner me is laughing thinking are you joking? Everything is a struggle. I went to the doctor about two months ago to query PND she basically told me she'd refer me to a talking service and made no mention of PND. It's getting worse, it's getting harder. I'm at the point I just want to give them to their dads and that makes me so so upset because I love them so much I'm just not coping. I hate my life at the minute I really do.

I just need someone to help me, to tell me what to do. I just feel so hugely overwhelmed and I'm at breaking point

Do you manage to get out much or are you stuck at home? Your 3yo should be eligible for a funded nursery place - could that give you a little bit of respite? How much contact do their dads have? Any overnight? Really feel for you, my second is only a few weeks old but I'm finding the days with him and my toddler long and hard, on your own must be really exhausting.

Gingerbread are a charity for single parents that run groups across the country. I know when I'm depressed going to a group or just seeing anyone makes my skin crawl but it could be worth making yourself for the support and understanding. Parenting can be lonely at the best if times after all.

mobile.gingerbread.org.uk/groups/groups.aspx

There's also a forum on the website.
Do you think you'll use the talking service? I wonder if some antidepressants could be useful, if you've not already been prescribed?

www.onlymums.org
This website helps with separation issues including support with legal advice which might be useful if you're having contact issues. I think they offer some free advice and reduced cost stuff. In terms of court the law is such now that things like mediation generally always have to be tried first and in my experience fathers threatening court suddenly change their tune when they find that out (plus when they consider the cost!!)

Sorry if that's not helpful or is all stuff you know. It will get better. Break ups are hard. Parenting is hard. Putting all that together it's no wonder you are struggling and I hope you are being kind to yourself. It could be worth talking to staff at your local children's centre. They're usually pretty good.