Struggling to adjust to new life as a mother

[Charlieislovely]

Hi all,

Could really do with some advice/words of wisdom.

I had my little boy nearly three weeks ago, was a very traumatic long three day labour which resulted in forceps and episiotomy, then a weeks stay in hospital as I gave him an infection, then he had jaundice.

We came home and I very quickly went back to my life before, went for a blowdry to treat myself, cooking, went to see family at a local pub etc. On the same day we went to the pub I had a mini meltdown outside whilst talking to my Mum. I realised I had completely overdone it since getting home and felt like I had zero bond with my son. My mum quickly got us all in the car and we went home. From then on I felt extremely down, constantly thinking about how hard this all is, thinking of my life pre baby and dreading the future.

This isn't to say I don't love him, of course I do, I am so desperate for us to connect more but finding it really hard.

Since the outburst at the pub I went to my GP who was amazing and has referred me for a post natal care appointment. I also went to a couple of feeding cafes and got some great advice and chats from ladies there. I do feel a little better since but am still finding it tough.

Would just like to know if anyone else has been in this position?

I would say it took me a good 6 months to adjust to the massive life change, and possibly a year to actually enjoy it. Don't underestimate the physical battering you have taken and the time it might take to adjust to your new body. You have done the right thing seeing your GP and also reaching out to new parents. Be kind to yourself and remember not everyone loves the new baby stage, I'm enjoying it more the older he gets. Have you been referred for physio? If not I would ask if this is available (they forgot to refer me but it really helped me recover physically and that was a bit help mentally too). If feeding is going ok treat yourself to some mindless box sets you can watch on the sofa. If your baby will sleep or is content in the pushchair try and get some fresh air every day. It does get more fun, I promise!

It also took me six months to adjust. My experience of a first newborn was hell on wheels. Be kind to yourself, it's fine to mourn your old life and to feel trapped. Go to the postnatal appt, see your GP again if you need to and go easy.
It does get better

I think many people feel like this and it's not talked about a lot. I felt I lost myself for a while post-children. I figured myself out again after a few months.

Be kind to yourself - it's completely fine to feel as you do - particularly after a tricky birth.

What you are feeling is normal. I felt like that when I had my DS 6 years ago and I feel like it again (to a lesser extent) having just had a baby a month ago (having had some sort of "normal" life back with the age difference. It takes a little while but you will suddenly accept the new way, sometimes you may need a bit of help with that. You are not a bad person. It's tough