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Postnatal health

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Feeling useless..

6 replies

leah167 · 07/07/2017 00:43

I gave birth 2 days ago to a beautiful little boy.
I had a forceps delivery that ended with a haemorrhage and about 20 doctors and nurses around me. It was pretty traumatic and I lost a lot of blood. I also had a episiotomy so very sore down there with lots of stitches. I allowed home yesterday. When I was recovering I couldn't really do much in the hospital as I struggled to walk and had a catheter in with a very swollen labia which made things even harder.
I'm not home and I'm getting really frustrated and upset that I can't look after my little boy. I'm struggling to walk, change his nappies and make his bottles. I've tried to breastfeed but I'm just so sore.
My partner is having to do all of the work but I just feel like he thinks I'm a bad mom. I can't wait to heal and be back to my normal self so I can look after my son.
My iron is very low so trying to do simple things has become a massive effort...midwife said If I do much I might haemorrhage again and I can't afford any more blood loss, I was lucky to have gotten through delivery!
Should I feel bad for him doing most things? He only has 2 weeks off work and just feel really upset😔

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
justanotherdowntroddenmass · 07/07/2017 01:08

No you shouldn't! He's as much a part of it as you are, albeit a much smaller part. Recover properly so you can be a proper mum when you get home

leah167 · 07/07/2017 01:09

I meant in home now!
But yes thank you I will try x

OP posts:
justanotherdowntroddenmass · 07/07/2017 01:15

For us the DH was needed, DS needed surgery and I was stuck in a different hospital. They love the hard work! Just make sure he looks after you too. And really don't worry, he will excel himself, sort of...

Dangermouse80 · 07/07/2017 01:19

Don't feel bad you need time to recover. If you do too much now you will just extend your recovery time and feel more frustrated.

Your DH is off for a reason - to help out and bond too with the baby.
I have had a planned section and we planned for my other half to take a month off so he could help out.

adlertippa · 07/07/2017 16:09

Congratulations on your baby!

I really feel for you because was in your exact situation a week ago, although mine started off as a home birth. Things went considerably off piste and I ended up with an episotomy and forceps delivery in hospital as well as 1500ml blood loss.

It's full on! And just as you're coming to terms with it all you have a tiny demanding baby and no sleep! I had to work very hard the first few days to stay steady, I think the hardest feeling was a sense that I was going to be like this forever- sore and a bit shellshocked and not able to even sit up.

A week later, I've totally turned a corner. I'm still a bit sore but having big gaps between painkillers and I've been up and about. I think the only thing you can do is take it steady. You have to let your partner pick up the slack and work on being kind to yourself about that. You need time to heal and rest, especially with the blood loss and low iron.

It took me a few days to try having a bath because I was convinced it would be painful and I was scared, but it was amazing. I put some drops of lavender in milk (to dissolve the oils) then added it, it was heavenly. I've had a bath every night since, I give the baby a big feed then DP cuddles him and I get a clear half hour. Also DP would run the bath for me at first. I would also use the showerhead rather than loo roll after using the toilet at first because everything was so tender, I got good at having a quick lower body shower.

I've been cosleeping and breastfeeding lying down which might not be your plan but has worked really well for me. But that first week I couldn't lift the baby to move him from side to side so I would wake up DP to get him to do that. Also he did all nappies for the first week.

We got takeaways about half the time in the first week as well, I had luckily managed to get some stuff frozen before giving birth but it was nice to have no effort meals too. Friends who offered to help got made the most of too- I got a friend to pick up extra pads and painkillers and bring them round rather than have DP leave me.

I really hope you can be kind to yourself and let yourself be looked after a little bit. Things will get easier, once you're able to get around a bit more there's loads you'll be able to do with the baby. Until then, look after yourself and hang in there xxx

adlertippa · 07/07/2017 16:11

Oh sorry, I missed that you were having trouble breastfeeding. If you still want to try then your local La Leche League group on FB will be full of people with good troubleshooting advice, but go with how you feel. You might be able to do it more comfortably with adjusted positioning xx

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