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Original poster

? Postnatal depression and anxiety...just want to talk

10 replies

Kathryn160417 · 04/06/2017 17:10

Hi,

My dd is 7 weeks old and i feel like im getting worse each day.

I have previously had low mood and have been to counselling a few times (once during my pregnancy). I also suffer from anxiety.

When my dd was born, i was expecting to be very emotional as i can be anyway, but the baby blues didnt seem that bad but each day seems to be getting harder and harder. My dd has a touch of colic which as im sure most parents know is very difficult but i feel that my patience is getting thinner and thinner. I love my dd to bits but i just feel that i havent bonded at all and it breaks my heart. Sometimes i look at her and feel nothing - how can that be right?! Sometimes i just want to get in my car and drive away. My self esteem is shattered (never really had 1 in the first place) and i feel absolutely disgusting. When i get ready on a morning i dont even care anymore i just put anything on and slap my hair in a ponytail.
My anxiety is awful. Im terrified that my dd will wake up and cry in public - how ridiculous?! I feel like this because i am so fixated on what other people think. If i know i have to be somewhere i start getting nervous the night before. Just makes me not want to leave the house some days.

I have told my dr about this apart from feeling that i have no bond as this is the first time i have written it never mind saying it. I just feel like such a bad mam when i feel relieved if someone else takes her. I jus t feel so bad and just think my dd deserves someone so much better. I just want to curl into a ball and cry.

Sorry for such a long post but needed to talk Sad Can i even be diagnosed with pnd after only 7 weeks? If it is pnd that i have as i dont imagine these are only the baby blues?

OP posts:
GreenRut · 04/06/2017 17:36

Yes you can. I was diagnosed after 12 weeks with my dc1 and only 5 weeks with dc2. It is your body and your mind, you don't need anyone else to tell you you are feeling unwell mentally.

Your description of how you feel rings true for how I was, the anxiety at any plans being made, relief when someone else took the dc and so on.

Please go to your gp and tell them you believe you have PND and you need help. Don't leave without it. I found my gp to be very on the ball with it all.

And i know so badly how much this won't help you right now - but I promise you, you can and will get through this. There is light on the other side and it's not that far away!

Flowers
Original poster
Kathryn160417 · 04/06/2017 18:07

Thank you. Its good to know that im not going crazy but still hard to not feel like a terrible mam!

OP posts:
SweetDee33 · 04/06/2017 18:17

You are definitely not a terrible mother. I have been where you are now and they were dark times, but I got through it with help from my gp. Please go and talk to them, they will be very sympathetic. Flowers

handsoffmecrownjules · 04/06/2017 18:25

Kathryn you are absolutely not going crazy and you are not a bad mum! PND is real and it is crippling and it is very possible that you have it, so please do seek the help you need. Do you have a partner who you can be honest with and who can help lighten the load a bit? As for letting others take your daughter for a bit - do that without feeling guilty so you can have some time for you. If you lack support you could see if Homestart are in your area - sometimes just having someone else coming in to support you can really help. And be honest with friends and family about how you feel and ask for the help you need - you will be surprised at how willing and pleased others are to help. This too shall pass but you don't have to brave it out - get some help from your GP whether that's anti-depressants for a while to help you see the wood for the trees or talking therapy to find 'you' again. Good luck and sending hugs x

Original poster
Kathryn160417 · 04/06/2017 18:59

Thank you all for your reassurance.

Yes i have my dp who knows everything and is very supportive, parents know too.

Going to ring GP again tomorrow to hopefully get something sorted.

OP posts:
GreenRut · 05/06/2017 10:19

Good for you, kathryn, go and get all the help you need. And you're not a bad mum, not in the slightest, PND is an illness, and by having it treated, recognising That your health is important , you are in fact being an excellent mum! It's lovely to hear you have a dp and parents around you too, they'll be of infinite help to you getting through this also.

Sipperskipper · 05/06/2017 10:23

You are certainly not alone. I felt exactly the same. You are NOT a bad mother, you just need help to treat your illness.

I was started on antidepressants 2 weeks ago, and am finally starting to feel better, and bond with my baby.

I hope you feel better really soon.

smellsofelderberries · 05/06/2017 13:34

You are an excellent mother for the guilt. Shitty mother's would not feel guilty! And it sounds like you have nothing to feel guilty for. Yes, you love your babe but 24/7 is tough gig by anyone's standards, but there are things you can do to ease the burden. Please do go to talk to your doctor, there are lots of medications you can go on even if you're breastfeeding. I am on a mixture of drugs to help things. Some days are still rough but at 7 months down the line most days are really good and I get a lot of enjoyment from my daughter.

Original poster
Kathryn160417 · 05/06/2017 18:10

Thanks everyone! Been to see my GP this afternoon and been started on medication and referred to a postnatal support group.

As daft as it may sound i feel quite proud of myself that ive done something about it (usually i dont even tell dp when i feel terrible).

OP posts:
SweetDee33 · 05/06/2017 21:36

Brilliant news Kathryn, and best wishes Smile

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