Feel lost, really need some reassurance :(

[LittleMissSleepyyy]

Hello,

I've never posted on here before, or any forum actually but I'm hoping to find some reassurance. (I'm really rubbish with all the lingo too e.g. DD, DP etc. Also, I'll try and keep to the point and not give an essay.

I have a wonderful 6 month old daughter and have no bad/negative feelings on her part. Since being pregnant with my daughter, my partner and I have been up and down and it seems to be getting worse since she's been born. He keeps saying it's my hormones or my head which frustrates me even more as I don't think it is 100%.

We barely have conversations, he's always on his phone or wanting to play his Xbox and not helping much around the house. I feel so lonely and like I've lost myself. Will things get better?! I don't feel like I'm fun anymore and lost my sense of humour. Everything makes me angry or sad and I'm feeling resentful towards my partner. I know it's both of us with the problem but I feel I have no support. I should go to the doctors, I've been putting it off a while now but I'm getting to the point where I'm crying everyday and I'm pretty much white noise to my partner so I cry on my own. It doesn't help I'm exhausted and struggle to sleep before getting up to do the night feeds.

I just want to feel happy again and be the best mummy I can be, it's not fair on my little girl.

Please, if anybody has been through this, how did you get through it and out the other side?

The first few months can be shit but there is light at the end of the tunnel. The trick is finding the support you need to get yourself through the tough patch until you start to find yourself again.
If you feel you have lost your sense of humour and are crying more than usual, then I think you are right to think about talking to your GP or HV.
Also, do you have any other RL support? Friends or family who can give your the support your partner doesn't seem able to. If you don't have much RL support then you might find groups of other mums and toddlers a useful place to start - maybe talk to your HV about what is available locally. Even something like a Rhyme time session at your local library. Posting on MN can be pretty helpful too - take time to have an explore (and take a look in Classics - there are some very funny and moving threads on there which are perfect for the middle of the night).
Now your DD is 6 months old, you might also want to start thinking about doing things for yourself - what do you enjoy? Reading, exercising, meeting up with friends, crafting, yoga? Get some time for yourself in the diary and your partner can look after his daughter for a couple of hours.

It is so hard, but you have been really brave posting here. You know there is a problem and that is the first step to making things better.

As for your partner - he really needs to pull his socks up and step up to parenting his daughter and supporting you. But you don't have to tackle him just yet if you don't feel up to it - although sometimes HVs are happy to have a chat with partners and point out that you need him to do his share.

Hi Littlemiss. This might be a bit jumbled as I'm up feeding my 6 month old. Having a new baby can feel lonely. I think this time of the day can be worst as you're up feeding while the rest of the world sleeps. It does sound like your DP needs to be more supportive but he maybe needs guidance in what he can do to help, its maybe that he feels a bit left out and that's why he's playing on the computer. Maybe he could help at Bath time, take baby for walks to the park, or help with baby's meal times if you're starting solids. For you definitely speak to health visitor or gp as some of what you say sounds like you may be depressed. Do you go to any playgroups? I have found lots of reassurance there for baby queries which then boosts my confidence that I'm doing a Good job. If you're shy easiest way to start a conversation is complementing there baby. Do you have much family/friends that can support you? Maybe someone could babysit a couple of hours so you and DP could go for a walk or go out for tea. It's surprising how good a couple of hours off can make you feel. Hope somewhere in that jumble there is something helpful. 👭 we are here with a hand to hold.

1 - go to your GP to get some help as it could be PND

2 - it is VERY easy to lose yourself especially if your partner isn't stepping up. I did for a long time. It does get better, my youngest is 2 now and I am working and traveling and seeing friends BUT you need to make it happen. What did you enjoy pre-baby? Go out with friends and leave your baby with DP he HAS to support you in being you. Get a PT job, go to the cinema just do something to be you.

3 - don't restrict yourself with baby. Go out, do some groups. Take a picnic. Drive to the beach, have some fun and some adventures!

Thank you for your reply :)

I'm going to baby groups already, I enjoy them but feel they're a bit clicky, if you know how I mean. All the mums that know each other stick together and I seem to be quite shy these days. I have made one lovely mum friend but she's a little older and I don't feel we can relate on a lot of topics, but she's great for going out walking with and having coffee.
I've just lost all my friends that used to know the fun me, or they have all moved on in their own paths.

My family are brilliant, so is my partners family but I just struggle to talk to them about my issues. I just cry every time I need to talk about what's bothering me. Plus I feel my mum can't cope with me when I'm down coz she has her own things going on at the moment and the rest of my family don't see the problems. They see what my partner wants them to see so they think he's wonderful all the time and just go on about how great he is which drives me mad! Don't get me wrong, he's not a horrible person, but he just doesn't seem to be supportive anymore and all we do is argue. He thinks there's no problems because he won't listen or take in what I'm saying. I suggested relationship therapy this evening and he laughed at me. He said its all in my head and my hormones.

As for hobbies, I used to be very arty, but my brain just seems to have a block up at the moment. I do painting with my daughter but it's more for her than myself. I'd love to start the gym but it's just finding the time, I don't get a break. And I'm starting work again soon which I'm dreading coz I'm already exhausted and have no me time. (I feel like I'm rambling but it's so easy when it's typing it out to something like this).

I've just seen these other replies, I'm a bit slow on the typing as just fed my DD.

A couple of replies has made me realise... it's home that's the main problem. You've all suggested baby groups, going out etc and I do all of that. It's when I'm at home I'm unhappy. Asking my DP just to get me some milk seems to be a problem for him. He leaves stuff lying round the house and messes everything up. I know he sounds a typical man but that's all the things that bother me. He thinks because he works he deserves a break (his Xbox) which I completely understand but I have DD all day, I do all the night feeds and I make his lunch/dinner and do all the cleaning. It's just too much. I wouldn't mind but I'm picking up after him, I say I'm going to stop but then it's left there for ages. Until I can't take it any longer and I burst. Then he says I moan too much. But I shouldn't have to live with his pack lunch boxes being left on the stairs for over a week and dirty underwear all over the floor. He's making me resent my own home and it's affecting every other part of me. I just don't know how to get back my lovely, fun relationship I once had. I can't have fun with him anymore coz everything he does irritates me and he winds me up on purpose. Urghhhh I want to be happy again :(

littlemiss are you me?! Everything you have written is how I feel. I spent most of my evening in tears tonight after DH got annoyed with me for being down. We used to be the best of friends but now I just want to poke him in the eye with a sharp stick!
It's a hard, lonely world isn't it and unless people are/have gone/going through it they won't understand