I screamed.

[Noodlesinthepocket]

I feel so awful right now. Since about last month, my 4 month old has been terrible for naps. She fights it for as long as she can, thus becoming overtired and cranky, and starts to cry. Today I lost it and while trying to bounce her to sleep, I screamed in her face. I don't know why I did it but I feel fucking terrible. I've been fine the first couple of months, but the last couple I've been going downhill as a parent. Please help, I don't know what to do. My poor baby doesn't deserve that sort of treatment...

its ok to put them down in their cot or a safe place if you feel like this and retreat for five minutes to scream/sob/punch a cushion.

Talk to your HV.

How is your partner helping you? Are you getting a bit of time to yourself? What help do you have around you? Family? Can you getcte to take her for an hour so you can get some headspace?

4 months is classic time for sleep to go to hell - have a look on the sleep board for tips. It a lot of it is just surviving the dip until they get back on track. But you must look after your own mental health.

Next time, put baby down then go scream at a teddy/cushion/the wall. And Google '4 month sleep regression.' It will make you feel better to see that you're not alone (and your baby has already forgotten)

When I nearly crack, I do a small bit of tidying. Hear me out! I pick up one or two things that need put back in another room. It gives you a break for a moment or two and lets you breathe but you don't have so much guilt for leaving your child because technically you are tidying up. That moment or two is often all you need.

you are not alone...
more people will have experienced tbsi exact act and feeling than will admit it.
you are just human.
it doesn't mean you don't love your baby or they won't love you... but it will help you to understand when you need to take a break and walk away next time.
give yourself a break... it's all ok x