Postnatal depression 6 months post partum?

[daisywhoopsie]

I really don't know how to describe how I feel really.

Multiple times a day I'm finding myself hiding in the toilet just to cry for no real reason. I don't want to be around anybody and when I have to be it makes me incredibly angry. I've become ridiculous about mess and germs, I can't stand it. It's making me uncomfortable and hot just thinking about it. I'm just so down and uncomfortable.

I'm not sure about post natal depression though and I don't want to be away from my son (I actually find it really hard to be away from him still - and I don't mean going out without him because I just don't. I find being in a different room to him upsetting). I also don't have any thoughts about harming him or running away without him.

Apologies for the ramble but I'm not usually one to ask for help, I find it really embarrassing. I just needed to post this before I changed my mind. I'm really struggling.

I don't think it matters what you call it. What matters is you sound like your ready to ask for help.

Please see your gp and tell them way you've written you can get help with it.

My dd is 9 months and I went to the drs a few weeks ago due to similar feelings. I'm starting counselling/therapy. I was also given some anti-anxiety meds too.

The way I feel at the moment I don't think I could handle any sort of talking therapy. I'm just not in the right place to actually listen to somebody else without getting irritated and tuning them out.

Maybe some medication would help though.

I do know logically that I'm his Mum but I don't feel like I am if that makes sense. I love him so much and I want to feel like a Mum but I don't.

I don't have any family. My partner has loads. It's making me feel like some sort of add on.

Oh poor you daisy, you sound like you're struggling.

I had PND after my baby, I felt absolutely fantastic when pregnant and the sudden drop in oestrogen after the birth made me feel absolutely dreadful. I think I was under the weather for years afterwards.

Now, I know everyone everyone says go to your GP and get anti depressants, but I would go to a gynaecologist and see how your oestrogen levels are.

Professor Studd in London has done a lot of research on how women feel after they've had babies, and usually the ones who felt great being pregnant, seem to struggle with the dip in hormones after the baby is born and beyond.

He says "It is very likely that the essential cause of postnatal depression is a sudden decrease of hormones particularly oestradiol that occurs after delivery. This is a huge; a hundred-fold sometimes even a thousand-fold decrease in oestradiol levels." on his website here

It might be worth pushing for an appointment with him. All of the things you are doing suggest to me that you're suffering from low oestrogen.

I'm not a doctor, or in the medical profession, just a patient who had the same thing as you and someone who benefited from supplemental transdermal oestrogen gel.

I hope you feel much better soon. What you're suffering isn't normal, and there are plenty of us who had the same dark journey.

Do make an appointment with your GP BUT push for a referral to a gynaecologist like professor Studd. Maybe ring up his clinic and see who they recommend if you're not able to make it up to London.

That's interesting Dor.

I actually really struggled with being pregnant due to past disordered eating. Putting on weight was very scary to me.

Looking back though I was at my very worst just after giving birth. I had to stay in for 3 days and DS was being monitored/given antibiotics. I didn't sleep for those 3 days as I felt such a responsibility to protect him and I thought he might get taken somewhere when I was sleeping and I'd wake up and not be able to find him. I started to hear and see things that weren't there but I was too scared to tell.

I see now how strange all that is, maybe a sudden dip in hormones was partly to blame?

Dor that's amazing you've posted that! I've been researching him and even posted in aibu asking if I need antidepressants of hormone treatment.
I feel so down and dark and pms-y after ovulation and on I've booked into see my gp again to be referred to Studd. Have you seen him personally?

Op - it does sound like you need some help from what you describe. Anti depressent are good for pnd if that's what you have, rather than hormonal imbalance so please see you doctor asap. X

Daisy, I was also hallucinating after the drop in hormones made me wired and very very tense feeling. I didn't sleep at all for the first few months looking back.

My GP was willing to prescribe the pill Cilest for me eventually after breastfeeding stopped, and I was back to my old self then, but before then I struggled on crying and wondering why everyone had it easy when I was just anxious exhausted and miserable.

Now I'm on the transdermal and progesterone regimen Studd recommends for perimenopause. I feel marvellous again as my hormones dropping seems to trigger very low moods and anxiety with me.

I agree it's time to see your GP, but not necessarily to get a script for Prozac, although you might also need that. Try and get a blood test for your oestradiol levels and a referral to a gynae who is doing the same research and has the same interest as Studd. Ring studd's office and see if there's one near you. Your GP might prescribe oestradiol transdermal gel if she's up to date. Mine was happy to when presented with the evidence.