Partner not coping, please help (PND?)

[LuckyScot]

Hello, I really need some advice on how I can help my wife.

She had her twins 8 weeks ago, at first things were hard, but I felt we were coping well considering the circumstances. we were enjoying the babies despite the sleep deprivation and hours of crying. I have since returned to work and everything has started to fall apart.

First she was concerned that she was not doing a good job, and that our girls didn't like her, this has since progressed to the point where she is very vocal about not wanting them any more, and wishing they would go away, that the whole thing has been a mistake, everyone has suggested things will get better, but she seems incapable of seeing beyond the current difficult period and is sick of hearing people say this.

She has slowly become less and less interested in our babies to the point where it is myself and my parents taking care of them ourselves.

My wife has a history of depression, and was suicidal about 15 years ago, it took her a long time to seek treatment, but has improved leaps and bounds since and no longer has any treatment for this.

I suggested that she might be suffering with PND, but she is very dismissive, and thinks that treatment/support won't help.

It's really putting a strain on me and our relationship. I don't really know what to do and it is heartbreaking seeing her like this. I just wan't my wife back and for her to enjoy her babies who love her very much.

Please help.

From your title I was coming on to say "offer her more practical support" but obviously your sheath doing heaps and it's gone way beyond that stage. I'm not sure where you're located but I'd Google crisis support in your area and call immediately. It sounds like she's tipping into a dangerous zone.

Sorry, "sheath" should read "already"

I was put in touch with the crisis team after my health visitor noticed I was struggling. They arranged an appointment the same day and spoke to myself and my husband (we were both struggling as my low mood was putting a strain on him).

They were concerned about my suicidal thoughts but my problem stems from an ongoing health issue of chronic pain. I was adamant when this went I would feel better.

The pain is yet to go but having the crisis team to talk to and then visiting my gp for anti depressants is working for me. I'm also waiting for some counselling (first session this week).

I'd say call the health visitor and express your concerns. They will then take charge. I was all set to offer my baby up for adoption. I didn't want to deep down but felt I wasn't doing him justice as I struggle to do a lot with the pain. I got as far as phoning social services but luckily dialled adult services rather than children and just didn't continue.

Wishing you all the best and hope you're wife starts to feel better soon. Please be patient with her. This won't be forever if you contact the relevant people.

While you cannot force her to seek help, you can go and see the health visitor and telephone/visit her (&your?) GP to express your concerns. They should be able to help.

I did this with my DH when he suffered from a depression/nervous breakdown episode and between me and the GP, we got him in for assessment

Definitely speak with the health visitor ASAP, also be totally honest with them. Your poor wife can't be left feeling like this any longer, and good on you for trying to get help for her.

I will consider talking to the health visitor, I'm a little worried my wife will think I'm going behind her back but I just want to help her.

Were the babies premature?
This causes extra worry and it takes longer for them to smile and respond which is hard
She sounds as if she really needs help so I think you must call in the professionals .Is there a particular GP she prefers?
Wishing you all the best

The girls born at 37 weeks, so not really premature but also not full term I guess.

How are things today ? Hope you are all getting some help

I was on the verge of calling the HV, but my partner seems to turned a corner, is engaging much more with the babies now. I am going to keep a close eye on her, and will call the HV if she shows any signs of relapsing.

Thanks for all the advice and concerns.

I just wanted to say I hope things get a bit easier for your wife. I've also had PND and feeling so overwhelmed by it made it difficult to bond with and enjoy my baby. I wished someone I trusted would just take him away because I felt so overwhelmed by him, even though I loved him and cared for him a great deal. Maybe tell your wife that you've done some research on the internet about 'emotions after childbirth' (the term 'postnatal depression' might be a bit alarming right now) and that some women can have feelings that their babies don't like them (I also felt that way) and that it's all too much, and it can take a bit longer for them to bond with them and adjust to them, but to give it time.
Her symptoms are consistent with PND, I know it's probably a lot for her to digest at the moment but it may be that an antidepressant would benefit her. But it's positive that things have improved a little since you originally posted x