Normal or PND?

[nightandthelight]

I have a five week old DS who I am sure is lovely and adorable (certainly everyone else seems to think so) but I just don't feel it. When I look at him I feel nothing or worse I feel resentment and then horrific guilt.

I really wanted a baby, badgered DH for a year before he agreed and now I don't even love my baby. I have spoken to DH about it but don't feel I can be completely honest as I don't want him resenting me for having pushed for a baby and then decided I don't want him anymore!

I just want someone to take DS away from me, I want to go back to my old life. I want to go to work and be a normal person. I want to feel as though I am good at something again rather than the complete failure I am at the moment.

Don't get me wrong DS is well taken care of but everything I do for him is motivated by guilt and not by love. I have to force myself to smile at him and tell him I love him because I don't want him to know the truth.

I spoke to the HV but she just brushed me off and made me feel like a right idiot for bothering her with it. She felt that it was normal and maybe it is?

I feel additionally awful because I know so many women through MN who are struggling with TTC and want nothing more than I have.

I no longer have any time with my DH and my two fur babies feel so neglected. I have let everyone in my life down :(

I'm just wondering whether the HV is right and I am just being pathetic or if there is actually something wrong with me. Surely not everyone feels like this about their babies?

I'm not medically qualified, but yes I think it could be PND. I'd suggest seeing your GP to assess how best you can be helped. If it's hard to make it to the surgery perhaps you could request a phone appointment? PND is not uncommon. Let us know how you get on.

Ive had PND twice and it's been different both times! My first son I was like you. I never wanted to go back home. I would give him to family at any opportunity and I'd go out. I was desperate to get my old life back. I didn't adore him. He cried an I found it instantly irritating. Wasn't concerned but I knew I had to take care of him. I was short tempered. Very tired and felt empty inside.

Second dc and I just cried. I was sad, no confidence, no self worth. I felt trapped and scared but I loved my baby. I panicked about leaving the house and could have stayed in bed all day. Completely opposite of the first time.

Go to your GP. Try not to be afraid it's so common and can be treated!

Good luck X

I remember feeling SO MUCH like you did. So, you are not alone.

I looked at my baby and felt nothing. She was very wanted, but I felt nothing. I felt obliged to look after her but there was no love or awe or pride or anything. I really regretted the whole thing.

Your HV is talking nonsense. It isn't normal to feel this way (I was eventually brave enough to have a second child and felt completely different; happy and normal!).

Speak to your GP. I agreed to start antidepressants straight away, because I desperately wanted to stop feeling so wretched. They really did help. That, plus lots of help from DH and my mum, who spent a lot of time with me so I wasn't stuck in the house with only a baby for company.

You will get better.

Thanks ladies :) Managed to get a GP appt this morning. He thinks I have mild PND caused by a lack of support network so wants me to try to improve that and has also referred me for talking therapy.

Glad the appointment was helpful. Hope you'll be feeling better soon.

I felt the exact same way as you when DD was born OP. I did feel love towards my DD, but resentment overpowered that a lot of the time. I remember sitting in the car one day when DH went into the kiosk to pay for petrol, and I thought to myself "what the hell have we done?" "Why have we ruined our lives by having a baby?"..... Then I felt absolutely disgusted with myself for being such a vile human being.
I never told anyone how I was feeling. And eventually those feelings went away. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I had PND. My DD is 11mo now, and we have the odd difficult day, but on the whole I never feel that way anymore.
Please don't let your HV just brush you off. Or if you would feel more comfortable, go have a chat with your GP xx

Only just saw the post where you went to you GP
Glad you've seen someone xx

Don't hesitate to go back if you don't start feeling better, or feel worse. I know GPs are pushed to offer talking therapies in place of meds, but sometimes I wonder what talking therapy can do in this kind of situation - where hormones and tiredness especially make you feel low anyway.

So don't feel reluctant to go back if you still feel shitty. It won't be a failure on your part if you do