HELP! Postnatal depression in dads?

[Caipoja]

Dp told me he thinks he might have male postnatal depression, he said he feels bad because sometimes he wishes we never had our dd, which broke my heart. I had noticed he didn't really seem to be bonding with her weeks before, taking longer to respond to her cues, being distracted playing with his phone when he had hold of her, not really enjoying dd atal, but every time I mentioned my concerns he told me that I was being silly and he was bonding. Anyway I've told him to make an appointment with the gp and don't really know what else to do or say, now I'm anxious about when when I can and can't leave dd with him even for 5 minutes whilst I shower, and I'm always on edge because I don't know how he feels at that point and don't want to put him under pressure to look after her and make him resent her . Dd is 8 weeks now, dp said he has felt this way for a few weeks, how can he go from doting dad to feeling this way 5 weeks after birth? I'm just looking for any advice or if anyone else has experienced this?

I went through a similar situation a few months ago when my little one was 5 weeks my partner struggled for weeks to bond with our boy, I had to have a c-section so couldn't do much as I took really ill with it, my partner felt under pressure looking after us both once I was back on my feet but not completey fit I forced myself to look after my boy and my partner as he wasnt sleeping, couldn't cope at all, wasnt eating, I realised when our little one was 12 weeks something was wrong, he felt insecure and scared I left him and that's why he couldn't bond, he has a child with a previous relationship and doesn't get to see them, he was worried the same thing would happen and money worries I constantly reassured him things will be OK and I wasn't going anywhere, he is now fine and loves every minute he can to play with our son. He also thought he had PND because he couldn't bond or cope with the crying at first and working all hours he was so stressed he then burst out crying and told me his worries we are now stronger than ever, he realised he has a lovely adorable son that he would do anything for, sometimes it takes men to adjust to being a family after being a couple, they sometimes fell as if they aren't getting attention themselves.

My DH developed OCD when I was pregnant. He's always been an anxious person but the rituals started in my third trimester and became very bad when DS was born and spent time in NICU. Medication and therapy have helped and him and DS (now 2) are very close now, he's a wonderful Father.
I also wrote a note when DS first came home called "reasons I love my Daddy" from the point of view of DS. I know it sounds cheesy but it was the list of all the things DH was doing that helped DS (like giving him cuddles, changing his nappy, singing to him etc). It was a confidence boost for DH and a reminder of his contributions. He still has it and said he found it helpful.
Please encourage your DP to get help, and make sure you're getting support too. It's a vulnerable time for both of you. Take care

I can't get him to talk he just says he doesn't know what it is, sometimes I feel like he just doesn't want to be a family, he can be with dd and seem happy and playing with her, and other times he literally brings her to me and puts her down telling me I can do everything. It's frustrating and it feels like a lot of pressure on me to look after dd and him, I'm beginning to hate him for how he is acting and he says some hurtful things to me. Since dd has been born he's threatened to leave us several times, and actually packed him bags and left before (for a hour) and then came back and went to bed. I know there's obviously something wrong with him but I can't handle his behaviour. We're always arguing and he's treating me really badly, I'm a student on maternity leave and during an argument he told me he is going to leave, it can't be a spur of the moment thought because he even said pay half the rent for this month and then get himself taken off the tenancy agreement and leave me to pay everything (knowing I have no way of doing that) my income doesn't even cover the rent, never mind bills aswell. I'm so hurt dd deserves better than this, she was planned by both of us and I wanted her to grow up in a loving family, now she sees be crying as I'm feeding her and trying to hold back the tears, I'm in shock that it's turned out like this I didn't ever imagine being a single mum and now it's all I think about, worrying how I will manage