Terrified about DH returning to work

[Gingernut81]

I'm not sure if I've posted this in the correct place but I'm utterly terrified about my DH returning to work following paternity leave.

DD is 11 days old and I'm really struggling with the lack of sleep. DH is being lovely, staying up late with her to allow me a couple of hours uninterrupted sleep however this will have to stop once he goes back to work as he works such long hours (he leaves at 6.30am & gets back about 7pm & has 1.5 hour commute to do each way). She has only slept a couple of hours at night at the most and hates being put down. I'm terrified about having to stay up with DH all night, when I've tried to do longer night shifts with her I've fallen asleep with her on me as she doesn't like sleeping in her Moses basket or co-sleeper.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? How did you cope?

I used to prop myself up with pillows so that I couldn't roll anywhere and let DS sleep on my chest sometimes. And definitely nap in the day when your baby does!

How is she through the day? Will she nap at all then so you can get your head down?

I was very lucky in that DH went back when DD was nearly 4 weeks but it was still very hard.

In hindsight, I would say that forward planning is your friend. Get DH to prep your meals the night before. You want something quick and nutritious you can grab for breakfast - overnight oats, oat muffins, cold meat, etc. Then a packed lunch. It'll save you time and mean that you keep what energy you have up - there's nothing worse than forgetting to eat!

Then it might be a case of handing baby over to your DH as soon as he gets home so that you can take a quick nap. Yes, it's shitty for him, but this will only be for a few weeks and it will get easier.

Don't worry about getting out and about too much in the first few weeks. Take it a day at a time, sleep when you can, let the housework slide, accept whatever help you're offered.

And it will get easier. In a few weeks you'll have a bit more of a routine, baby will hopefully be sleeping better, and you'll be more confident in your day-to-day doings.

I think we've all thought this! Looking after a baby is a big change and of course you are exhausted to boot. Your baby is only eleven days old.

Let everything else go a bit. The housework etc. Do your supermarket shopping online. Go for walks with the pram to break the day up. Watch the telly. You I mean, not the baby!

Have you a sling? As she doesn't like being put down.

My dh works similarly hours. He couldn't wait to get his hands on dd when he got home so he did all the bedtime routine and I had a nap.

Is this your only child? If it is, then it's easy. You simply stay in bed with her, and feed when she wants to, and sleep/doze in between.

Don't worry about anything to do with the house in the meantime. Just concentrate on you and her.

My dd was like that.
My fault was that I wanted to keep my day rhythm with getting up at 8 AM and doing things as I used to whilst she slept most of the day and was active most of the night.

In hindsight I should have slept when she slept by mirroring her. I co-slept anyway.

Mine were all like koalas the first few months. I just let them sleep on me. Whenever baby fell asleep, I'd arrange cushions, blankets, etc around me in bed and have a nap too. Day or night.
Or lie down on sofa with baby facing the backrest.

Mine all slept in cots from 3 months, but could not be put down without waking them before that.
Don't forget to switch phone on silent.

You need to look after yourself, and your first priority is sleep. Everything else can wait.

I Wouldn't stop the evenings with daddy. You are both going to have to take a hit for a while. It is also precious bonding time with his baby, my DH loved it. Sort out a system that means you can still have a few hours sleep.
Go to bed early and then let him wake you around 11 and swap. That still gives him 6 hours kip which is pretty good if you've got a newborn.
Doe she like swaddling? And have you tried white noise? Both life savers for my girls. Also what about a dummy as a short term fix?
It will only be like this for a short while although it feels like forever at the moment.

Thanks for all the replies. She does sleep a bit during the day so I guess it's going to be a case of adjusting my body clock to fit hers for a little while.
She will go down in her rocker during the day but midwife said she shouldn't be asleep for long in it as she won't be flat on her back so I'm wary of sleeping while she's asleep in it. Similarly I'm nervous about falling asleep with her on me because of all the SIDS stories.

Never sleep with baby on a sofa EVER. The rocker is fine for up to two hours. However my GP's baby had reflux and spent the first three months of her life sleeping in her bouncer every night.

Your husband will have to suck it up. Your health and well being is just as important as his. And while he is at work all day he's probably managing to eat, drink and use the toilet when he needs to: bet you're not!

And you need to really try to rest when she does in the day. Attempt to rest if not actually sleep when she does. A dummy, vibrating chair and some white noise (radio tuned to static, vacuum cleaner or hair drier) can really help. Don't over do the caffeine: it can make it impossible for you to grab a snooze. Do chores when she's awake, using a sling if necessary.

My DH is out similar hours and still manages to do a feed late evening and another often at 6am. This is our 3rd child so there are the others' needs too. With our second DH was working longer hours and managed to do some middle of the night feeds too.

I slept on the sofa with all of mine. Obviously not a squishy thing, but a proper sofa you can sleep on as an adult.
But then I had my babies in bed with me and that seems to be a capital crime too. (Super King sized, separate duvets for DH and me, growbag for baby.

.. and separate mattresses)

Safe co sleeping in a bed is fine it's very different from a sofa.