I don't feel like my baby is mine :( Help.

[Ineedchocolatenow]

NC. Hope I've posted this in the right place.

DD was born 2 months ago via emergency c section under a GA. I had found pregnancy difficult, as I hadn't actually believed I'd end up with a baby at the end of it (not sure if this is relevant).

My labour lasted 15 hours, and it seemed like all was going to plan. All of a sudden it went wrong, and I was whisked away for a c section. I don't doubt the decision, I don't regret the fact it was a c section. I didn't have a wonderful birth plan in my head, I was more than willing to just go with the flow, and the thought of a c section before never bothered me. All I cared about was getting her out safe.

Now weeks down the line, I'm struggling. I flip between loving DD, hating her, and just feeling numb and empty. I think the problem comes from the fact I didn't see her being born. I just came round to DH holding her. Hours had passed and I was all dazed and confused. Suddenly he was holding this baby. I couldn't believe she was mine, and I still can't believe it now.

I do love her sometimes, it just feels like she was adopted, because I just can't actually believe she was the baby in my stomach, and I can't believe she actually came out of me. I just can't get my head around it. I wish I could watch a video of it or something.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know if this is PTSD or PND or what. Everyone says how lovely she is and I just smile and nod because I don't know what to say, as I feel nothing when people say that. If she was someone else's baby I would adore her and be so envious...so why do I feel this way?

Oh I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Do you have a good HV? If so talk to her, or maybe your gp. It does sound like ptsd or pnd and you will get better.

Hi there, sorry you're feeling rough. The thing nobody tells you before you have children, is that when you become a parent, you will experience every emotion possible. Over the years you will feel despair, guilt, anger, emotional exhaustion, resentment, a crushing sense of responsibility and obligation. You will feel lost, confused, upset, uncertain. For some reason there is a myth that the only emotion you will feel is love. And you do feel a massive overarching sense of love, but sometimes it can take months or even years to fully develop. Giving birth is massively traumatic even if you have a 'good' birth. You need time to recover and to bond, but it will happen in the end I promise you. Big hugs.

Hi OP - Sorry you are feeling this way. I can really identify with your post because the exact same thing happened to me.

I had a MC and conceived again quite soon afterwards, I remember being happy I was pregnant but confused because it was so soon after my MC. Throughout my pregnancy I felt detached from it all and never really thought about what would happen once my baby was born. It almost felt like a dream.

I too had an emergency C-Section. This was after a failed induction, I lost a lot of blood and my baby was taken to SBCU, for various reasons I was unable to breastfeed him.

I was pretty traumatised and off my face on various drugs when I met him for the first time (I don't even remember it). I think I was traumatised for a long time afterwards because I remember thinking "this isn't my baby, I didn't give birth to him. He's a stranger."

Long story short, I was EXTREMELY post-natally depressed and suffered from PTSD for an entire year after the birth of my son. This could have been easier for me if I'd accepted help earlier so, I urge you, please, please speak to your HV, family member, doctor, friend. Anyone you trust. I promise nobody will think badly of you. You have been through a trauma and you may be doing what I was, disassociating from reality to cope with it.

I am happy to report that 18 months down the line I am back at work, I am happier than I have ever been and I love my son more than anything in the world. I look at him now and well up with emotion, pride and happiness.

for you, you'll get through it one day at a time, one hour at a time if you need to. PM me if you need to chat.

I just can't actually believe she was the baby in my stomach, and I can't believe she actually came out of me. I just can't get my head around it.

I felt like that. I think the method of birth is a red herring, and you're very traumatised and depressed.

This is more common than you think.

I had a natural birth which wasn't even that traumatic. The early days were VERY traumatic however, for a whole heap of reasons, and I just found myself totally disassociated with my baby. I felt an obligation to care for her but I felt indifferent at best. It was such a joyless time.

I saw a sympathetic GP and accepted antidepressants. That, plus lots of family support, really helped the fog to lift.

Please talk to your GP / HV and remember, you're not abnormal. Lots of people have felt the way you do right now.

The thing is, I got myself off anti depressants as soon as I found out that I was pregnant. I had several months of counselling instead. The last thing I want is to go back on ADs :(

But why?

Don't allow yourself to suffer. You owe it to yourself and your baby to be the healthiest you can be.

Because I worked so hard to get off them, it would feel like a massive step backwards. I also get very, very unwell when starting ADs, so I don't feel like I could look after the baby while starting them cos of how unwell I'd be

oh, OP, i feel for you. I had a very traumatic pregnancy and never, ever, truly believed there was a baby in there. I had an ELCS which was calm and planned, but i still remember the absolute SHOCK when they pulled a baby out of me.

DD was tiny, prem, weighed just 4 pounds and was taken straight to NICU. the firs night i felt like i had dreamt the whole thing, lying in my bed, off my face on drugs, with no baby...

i really struggled with having a newborn. she never slept, never napped, and fed every hour or two. for 6 months.

i will go against the grain here and say that potentially you don't need AD's. at the end of the day you have been through an incredibly stressful experience. this is a natural reaction to a shit situation.

i didn't feel that i had PND, just had a natural reaction to something awful. only you will know, especially given your previous need for AD's.

be kind to yourself, get as much help as you can, and give it time. some people have a huge rush of love for their babies but a huge amount need time to bond. i felt a fierce protective instinct but no love for a while - it is hard to love something that screams all the time and deprives you of sleep for so long.

hang in there, lots of support here, lean on us....

Thank you for sharing your story with me :)

I do love dd, I just honestly can't believe that she came out of me. I just can't get my head around it.

Hi there how do I contact you x