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Postnatal health

Are these feelings normal 2 weeks PP? Struggling.

9 replies

User24689 · 28/08/2015 14:40

I had my DD 2 weeks ago, she is my first DC. I had an induced labour that didn't go to plan and ended up being very fast and chaotic and I was unable to have the pain relief I asked for. I think I was a bit shellshocked by the birth tbh, I needed a lot of monitoring because her heartrate kept dropping and she came out at a funny angle so I ended up birthing her strapped to monitors, and the drip, with a room full of people and being held down into a position on my side with one leg in the air so she didn't get stuck. I had a deep tear and a lot of bruising.

I loved DD instantly, as did my DH, and I made a conscious decision to put the birth behind me and focus on her. The first time I fed her in labour ward, she wasn't latched on properly and she damaged both my nipples. In trying to learn the latch the following day, it got worse so I couldn't feed her at all. I had to express colostrum every 3 hours for 2 days and feed her with 1 ml syringes. Some feeds took over 2 hours.

Since coming home I just haven't felt right at all. My amazing DH has taken to fatherhood like a duck to water and he just seems to be able to soothe DD in no time whereas I'm floundering. I love her but feel like all I can do for her is feed her and I can't even do that properly - we still can't latch without pain so I'm using nipple shields which the lactation consultants keep encouraging me to do away with. I'm finding the nights really hard - I haven't had more than 2 hours sleep in a row since going into labour. Most nights I manage 4 or 5 hours but in short bursts because she wakes so often to feed.

She also has terrible wind and after most night feeds is screaming and writhing in pain. I've tried everything I know to help her but I can't. I think the wind might be because of the nipple shields.

I feel like all this was supposed to come naturally but none of it has. I've cried every day since I had her - is that normal with hormones etc? I realized the other day the feeling I keep getting is homesickness. Its like I'm homesick for the life I had before and I know I can't get it back even if I wanted to ( I don't, I adore her). I just feel so unsettled and sad and useless, and guilty that she has me as a mum. Is this something that passes?

OP posts:
Clstow · 28/08/2015 21:58

I don't have heaps of advice but I just wanted to say I felt exactly like this a week ago. Feeling like a feeding machine, missing my old life, overtired, crying all the time - I could have written much of your post. A week later (DS is 3 weeks old today) and I feel so much better. So yes, in my very limited experience, it does pass. Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, looking after a newborn is really hard work and it sounds like you're doing a great job under some tricky circumstances Flowers

MrsHathaway · 28/08/2015 22:15

Everything you have said sounds very natural. In time you could consider approaching the hospital for a birth debrief (particularly if you want to have more children in future).

In the meantime it is very normal but unacceptable to be so unhappy. Do please make an appointment to see your GP or HV (assuming you've been signed off by the midwives). You can print out your OP and just hand it over and cry and say nothing. They won't make you do anything; they certainly won't take DD away from you. They'll offer you possible solutions, none of which you have to accept.

You are not useless. Have you spoken to DH about how you're feeling? I'll bet he could tell you how brilliantly you're doing. Certainly very few women with bleeding, damaged nipples on day two would still be expressing/feeding two weeks later! Have a Brew and Google alternative winding positions (tiger in the tree etc).

Flowers It doesn't have to feel like this.

Pam0077 · 09/09/2015 10:21

I just wanted to post to say these feelings are not uncommon, and at six months in I get days where I feel like I'm not coping or feel really emotional. I just wanted to kind of reassure you that you're not alone! I was saying to my DH last night, when does having a baby actually become enjoyable?! Surely it must happen otherwise why would people have more than one! Like you our DS had bad wind/colic teamed with reflux and milk intolerance. To top it off he doesn't nap longer than half hour catnaps during the day so it's constant! Looking back to the early weeks though things have improved, the relentless screaming baby phase will stop. I spent hours on google trying to make life easier but it does pass. I think I just wanted to post to say that having a baby doesn't always feel like this wonderful bubble of happiness and we aren't all Mother Earth! I felt/sometimes still feel like you but I'm reassured that the fun times will soon come. Chin up xxxx

Purpleboa · 09/09/2015 11:57

I could have written your post a few weeks ago. Everything you're experiencing is entirely natural. The homesick thing - totally. I felt so strange and disassociated from everything familiar during those first few weeks. It was horrible and I seriously feared for my sanity.

It gets better though. It really does. I'm now 11 weeks pp and whilst it's not a walk in the park and I'm still knackered, I feel like me again. Nobody warned me about how hard those first few weeks would be! And I was lucky - had the birth experience I'd hoped for and no real problems feeding. I think you're doing amazingly well.

You mentioned putting the birth experience behind you. I can see why you wouldn't want it to affect things. However, please don't bottle it up - it sounds traumatic and will be affecting you. Reach out for any help and support, if it's not there, demand it!

What worked to keep me sane was trying to get out the house for fresh air, whether alone for short bursts or with baby. Talking to other people - especially mums. People who I hadn't really spoke to properly in years reached out to me when I 'jokingly 'mentioned my baby blues on fb. Really helped to know how common it was and to talk about it. You feel ungrateful if you admit to feeling like this but motherhood is so hard - and we all struggle to cope.

User24689 · 14/09/2015 17:44

Thanks so so much for all your replies. I should have responded sooner but found it hard to come back to the thread and face up to it. Its really comforting to hear that others have felt the same.

DD is now 4 weeks old. Ive had a couple of good days but generally feel the same, or worse.

I have talked to my DH but it hasn't helped. I can just feel his intense frustration with me- this wasn't how family life was supposed to start out. He says he doesn't understand how it is different from what I expected and has reminded me that ice wanted this for years which makes me feel worse.

I have suffered before with anxiety and depression and he is of the opinion I just need to 'get it sorted' quickly. I've called my counselor but she cant see me for 3 weeks but on the phone she was very much reasurring me that these feelings are normal.

Ive got a history with eating disorders so accepting my pp body was always going to be a challenge. I lost my bump immediately and left hospital feeling really positive. But since then have been steadily gaining weight. I have bad hormonal skin and I'm constantly leaking milk. I feel repulsive.

A further problem is that for years I have worn ear plugs at night as DH snores. Now I can't because I wouldn't hear DD. I've spent the past week in the spare room with DD. I feel like my relationship with DH is just falling apart.

I think I need to go to the go but I'm so embarrassed and disappointed in myself. All our family and friends are ecstatic about DDs arrival, it is impossible to admit my feelings :(

OP posts:
User24689 · 14/09/2015 17:44
  • go to the gp
OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 15/09/2015 11:06

Spare bed doesn't mean your relationship is crumbling - but DH's stonewalling probably isn't helping. Spare bed is a very sensible solution to a short-term problem. Does he wake when she cries? If so, he could nudge you or even fetch her himself for you to feed.

Do go to see the doctor. It's such very early days and everything is typical but not normal so you really don't have to accept it.

Pam0077 · 15/09/2015 11:29

There's no shame feeling like this, to be honest I've had discissions with my DH that this wasn't how I 'expected' having a baby to be and felt so awful for admitting I was disappointed. Sure life will get better once your little one grows. I had to admit I was over anxious and saw my GP for medication, it doesn't cure all but does help. I can really relate to how you feel and please don't feel that it's unnatural to feel this way. One thing that I do think would be helpful is to have a little break from time to time, something I was reluctant to do but after 6 months decided to ask family to take DS just for a few hours so I could sleep, have something to eat or even just a wander round the shops. You aren't alone but please do see your GP and perhaps leave your little one with your partner for a few hours, he'll soon understand how you have been feeling when he's left holding the baby!x

NeuroticFox1 · 16/09/2015 09:21

Hi upthewolves, wow you took the words right out of my mouth. I too am two wks pp and feel homesick for my old life. I love my little dd but it's really hard transition. I must say I'm feeling a lot better after a night with 4 hours sleep in a row and so I think if you can get help with night feeds (eith formula or expressed) I would try and do so. Last night dp did a bottle feed at 11,30pm and so I slept till half 3 and felt oddly renewed. Thanks for sharing how you feel it's made me feel more normal and less guilty. Think we just have to hang on in there x

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