I'm messing everything up....except my baby

[marybonbon]

I'm not sure what to do next - any words of advice to help me rationalise would be greatly appreciated.

DD is 9.5 months and I'm a FTM. I'm 39 and OH is 46 (but we used to feel a lot younger!). I was diagnosed with PND at 8 months. I felt everything was getting more difficult, rather than easier. MY OH, usually a kind and honourable man isn't computing that I'm struggling. I think he thinks I can wave a magic wand and just feel better.

My DD is amazing and I love being with her. I've started back at work 3 days a week and she goes to my parents for 2 days and OH for other day so I'm really lucky. But I'm still struggling......WHY??? Last night OH and I had an almighty row and today I've not heard from him, he's not answering. It all started because he tried it on in bed and I said no. (Am so tired all the time). He called me a few hurtful names out of frustration and I got upset. He thinks I don't fancy him, which isn't true. It doesn't matter how much I tell him he thinks I'm old and boring because I want to sleep.

It feels like it might be the end of us.....he's at the end of his tether with me and just doesn't understand. I just want my old self back. I've put everything into trying to be the best mum I can be and I've f*cked everything else up. I'm short tempered with OH and he calls me a dragon.
Even with all my help and support I'm exhausted.

How can I fix this???

He doesn't sound very supportive considering you were diagnosed only 6 weeks ago.
Anyway is your exhaustion a result of the depression? or because the baby doesn't sleep? or because you don't get a break as you are either working or taking care of baby?
Does OH or anyone help with the baby and let you have some me time?
I find that this period for me was hard work as my DS wasn't crawling at 9.5 months and was really clingy. I couldn't leave him to play for even a minute. Once he started crawling and now walking he's much less clingy and sleeps better.

Have you had your iron levels checked? I recently found out I'm severely anaemic after the birth of my DS (8m) which makes me feel like a zombie. The sleep deprivation on top is hideous. I have zero desire to have sex and haven't at all since way before he was born. DH understands and would never try on anything more than a cuddle, so I think there's a conversation about respect that needs to happen between you.
I hope you feel better soon.