Miserable breastfeeding

[Toastonbeans]

The weather outside is lovely and sunny, I have a beautiful 6 day old baby who has just been given the all clear after some tests and I am sat in my bedroom with the blinds down sobbing because I can't face breastfeeding him anymore.

I can't get him to latch on properly and my nipples are cracked and so sore. My breasts are engorged and when it's time to feed constantly drip with milk. They are so painful I can't sleep and I can't cuddle my baby.

I have episiotomy stitches to contend with which are making me miserable. I feel like my body has given all that It can and it is time to stop, but I really wanted to breastfeed and wanted to reach they point where it becomes enjoyable.

Today I was supposed to be so relieved about my nabies health but instead I am sat here in complete discomfort feeling guilty and miserable. I want to go outside in the sun :; l

Do not let this go on. I know breast is best etc but a miserable mummy is no good. My advice would be to strap your boobs away and go over to formula. That's what I did on day 28, I wish I had done it a lot sooner. My memories of a new born are laced in misery, horror and deseperation.

My DS is absolutely fine, BF is not the end all of everything. Be kind to yourself.

Btw, congratulations in your baby!

Can you call a helpline for advice? Maybe NCT or LLL? Is no one helping you? :(

Also can you get out in the garden at all?

If you are engorged try hand expressing a little bit before trying to latch him on.

The first few weeks were definitely the hardest as I had damaged nipples too due to my oldest having a tongue tie.

if you would really prefer to carry on, can you ask the midwife about local bf support when she visits? I got offered a call or visit when my last baby was born.

The infant feeding board on here is good for advice and support from properly qualified people (unlike me - I just didn't want to read and run)

(the helplines can also help you if you decide you don't want to bf and want to stop without getting sore)

You sound like me. With ds 1 had no choice but to give up breastfeeding on day 3 as I had a kidney infection and was on.lots of medication.
Ds2 I stopped at week 3. He was Re admitted to hospital for a week on day 4 as he had list so much weight because he was using me as a dummy. At hospital they wouldn't let me stop although it was taking 2.5 hours to feed every 3 hours.
By week 3 I was exhausted, couldn't leave the house and was in so much pain I was miserable.
Stopping was the hardest decision I have ever made and I felt so guilty as it was my choice to stop. The guilt soon disappeared when I realised I was much more relaxed and happy and so was ds2. Note stress. I could get out of the house and share night feeds. I was almost human again.
It was the best decision ever. Just wish I had done it sooner.

Oh lovely, all I can say to you is that this will pass. I'm on my 3rd breast feeding experiences and I don't care what anyone says, it bloody hurts for the first couple of weeks but it DOES stop hurting and your boobs soon get used to regulating your supply. Unless you are sure this isn't for you, please don't give up yet. Take some paracetamol to make it a bit easier and see if you can make contact with s ba bf' counsellor, they are wosupply

Sorry, bloody phone!

Breastfeeding counsellor, they are worth their weight in gold. It WILL get so much easier x

You poor thing. Bf my first nearly killed me. I gave him some formula and ended up combination feeding for six months.
Give him some formula. You can always try a bit of bf again later if you suddenly want to. I was never given a drop of bm and turned out ok.

If you will feel happier going to formula as others have suggested there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Having said that, day 6-10 are super hard emotionally anyway and it might not all be breastfeeding related, that might just be a trigger if you see what I mean.

BF is so, so hard and nothing quite prepares you for it. You sound exactly like I did at around the same time. I dreaded every feed and was sat in milky mess for a few day shedding many a tear. For me personally, I didn't want to stop just at that point and basically just put DS to the breast as frequently as possible.

Practical help wise, I slathered my nips with lansinoh before and after every feed. If you latch still hurts after 30 seconds or so break it with your finger and try again.

I focussed purely on BF and just rested. If you have help this will be much easier, have your mum/partner etc bring you drinks/snacks and just be kind to yourself. If you fancy a walk in the garden, go do it, if you feel like a cry, go do it, if you feel like having a shower every two hours just to freshen up and not be touched, go do it!

I'm certainly not a 'lactivist' type and genuinely believe that you should make whatever decision feels right for you but breastfeeding can and does get a lot lovelier and easier so if it's something you are truly conflicted about I just wanted to offer some advice that would have helped me at that time.

Like I said though, if you are going to be happier FF, do it. You could even look to mix feed there is no right or wrong way to do it. Feel better soon, day 6 was brutal for me and I cried for hours!

It will pass but you need help- I agree, bf counsellor, phone LLL NcT or NHS feeding helpline (in the red book) or go to a BF / baby clinic or bf cafe. You will feel so much better when someone helps you and they will make you feel calmer.

Congrats on your beautiful baby. Day 5/6 can be really tough but if you can feed through it I think you'll be glad you did. Baby needs to feed that engorgement away for a start!

And everything allstoppedup said. Great advice

This was me with my first baby - except I only lasted one day! A young midwife found me crying behind the curtain at the thought of another breast-feed.
She gently reminded me that the best thing for baby is a happy mummy.
She went off to get some formula milk for me to try and I never looked back!
Yes I felt beyond guilty that I couldn't follow 'breast is best' - jeez that saying annoys me - but I didn't even consider breastfeeding my dd. I now have two beautiful, bright children and I don't regret my decision for a second.
Hope that helps

I had an awful time with my LO with a tongue tie that was misdiagnosed and never sorted and reflux issues. I felt like someone was sticking shards of glass into me at every feed. Yes it's meant to be painful but that much pain is not. Has he been checked for tongue tie?

Hi,

I tried for four days to breast feed (had it rammed down by throat my the MWs when they visited) my husband even through one out of the house as I had mentioned I was considering bottle feeding formula because of the issues I had (my son wouldn't latch, I wasn't producing enough milk, nipples bloody bleeding and the main thing was both me and the baby were miserable because of it!) and she told me I would be poisoning my son and a load of other stupid ridiculous remarks!! She made me feel so bad I burst into tears and my husband instructed her to leave immediately and we put in a complaint about her!!

After that my mum came around and my husband and I went to Tesco's and purchased a really good formula and it was the best THING I ever did!! My son was so so much happier!! I was so so much happier!! Hubby could also help with feeding! I felt so much happier which reflected on baby!!

My son is nearly two and is ridiculously intelligently, happy and settled little boy!! He doesn't have any health issues and hadn't suffered because of it!!

At the end of the day if you are miserable and it is making you unhappy that is not good for baby.

Please please do what's best for you!!

Wow there's a lot of formula love on this thread

Honestly OP, bf is hard. But then it gets easier. So, so much easier. And lovely :) I was you on day 6 - in agony due to tongue tie - and now my baby is nearly 5 months it's easy. No faff, no pads required as I no longer leak...easy.

Also consider that sleep isn't linear. When the 4month sleep regression hits if you're still bf you'll be so glad you can just plug in a boob and doze :)

Please see a proper trained bf counsellor before you give up. THEN make an INFORMED choice

I really feel for you.

Practical stuff.
Express to relieve the encouragement, not loads but enough to make u comfortable.
Lanolin for your nipples.
Go out in the garden!
Ring a be support line or try to organise a be counsellor/supporter.
Rest, eat & sleep.
Use the support you have around you as this is a totally overwhelming time.
Formula feeding is a personal choice, it's great to have that choice.

I've got 6 dc so I really appreciate how hard it can be.

Be -bf! Sorry auto correct!

I'm in two minds about this. There is absolutely no value in being miserable, anxious and stressed about feeding your baby. If you honestly think formula would be better, you have every right to make that decision and should never feel bad for it.
But pp are right that the difficulties are not necessarily a permanent state of affairs and if you get through it, breastfeeding can be wonderful and so so easy.
Fwiw I would def get an advisor to help or at least call a helpline ASAP. I'm not qualified to say whether trying some formula to give yourself a break is a good idea at this stage. I'd be tempted and it's the route I went down with ds1 (who I fed for over a year).
Day six is horrid, there's so much to contend with. I remember sitting in hospital with my gorgeous baby, looking out the window at a beautiful autumn day and feeling awful. But there will be other lovely days for you to enjoy.
Be kind to yourself. You've just gone through an amazing but scarily huge life change. Good luck!

Do you want to breastfeed? It does improve if you get the right help and support but you need to want to do it as it can be tough! If you do, call your midwives and ask how you can see a lactation consultant and get someone to help you with positioning and latch ASAP (and check for tongue tie). It should get better very quickly but that's not much consolation right now.

Pomeria - in reference to your comments they upset and annoyed me. Its not about us having a love for formula! A lot of us don't have a choice (some women with all the help and support in the world cannot breast feed for various different reasons).

The main point for OP to know is there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding and if she feels happier to do that good on her. Being miserable when you have just given birth is not helpful for mum or baby!

If Op wants to try and stick at it lots of people have posted support avenues. However if OP wants to move on to bottle feeding lots of us have shared our experiences and the outcome is our children are no different to breast fed babies, happy healthy, clever and bright. Xx

New yes some women can't with all the help and support in the world but the truth is that most people don't get all the support (or even an acceptable level). It sounds as though you got crap support?

The OP mentioned her episiotomy, it being day 6. I remember that time. I remember screaming in my head that it was so fucking UNFAIR that I'd been uncomfortably heavily pregnant, then 36 hr labour with stitches, then to top it off breastfeeding was hard. I remember thinking FUCK THEM (I didn't and don't know who 'they' were...the fairies?). I was in pain and I felt so alone as I stared at my wonderful husband and thought he has no fucking IDEA. He doesn't UNDERSTAND.

At that point it's not just about the breastfeeding. So to say 'just move to formula it's easy you'll be happier' is really misleading.

DH suggested moving to formula because 'we could share it' and 'it's easier'. I didn't in the end because of a chance referral by a midwife to a specialist in hospital who cut my baby's tongue tie. The midwife didn't think there was anything wrong or that baby had tongue tie she just could see how upset I was and wanted me to get real help. Most midwives aren't properly trained on breastfeeding advice at all.

I suggested the OP see a lactation consultant so she can be certain she doesn't have an easily resolvable problem. I was holding my baby too side-on, no midwives had noticed but when the hold was corrected it was So. Much. Easier.

I feel like a lot of people jumped in to say 'move to formula! I did!' Whereas the breastfeeders are worried about causing offence. I just wanted OP to know that some other people find it hard too but found a way through, usually through the help of specialists who genuinely know what the problems can be and how to fix them.

I don't understand how my comment was offensive - you said DC was happy, you are happy, etc - do you not love the choice you made then? If you are happy do you not feel really positively about formula feeding in the same way I now love disposable nappies after trying cloth ones that leaked everywhere? Or am I missing something?

I'm not going to tell what do or not do but for immediate relief get a cabbage cut in half and put it in the fridge. Put the cold leaves down your bra. Also, I'm sure you're already aware, that a few days after pregnancy you'll hit the hormone wall. It does get better but let the tears flow (your tears secrete the hormones that are no longer needed).
Is there a breast-feeding drop in class nearby? First hand help and experience from other Mums will help with your decision on how you wish to feed your baby.

Remember that you're doing the best you can and congrats on the birth of your beautiful baby

How are you getting on OP?

I've always said breastfeeding is not for the faint hearted! I had an horrendous start, but thankfully I pushed through & am still BF'ing 6 months on. I know they're not recommended but I use the nipple shields, I wouldn't have been able to carry on without them. But u know what... FF is fine too. Maybe try all BF options first, but don't feel guilty for stopping .