Struggling to bond

[Roseybee10]

I have a 5 week old baby girl and a 2.5 year old daughter.
When dd1 was born I bonded immediately and felt like we were joined together by some kind of invisible force stronger than anything I had ever felt.
We were so close and I absokutley loved being a mum. It felt like this was what I was supposed to be doing all along and I had found my calling.
I'm struggling to bond with dd2. I love her but I don't feel bonded TO her like I did with dd1. I feel horribly guilty because it's so different this time. I love her and I want to look after her but it isn't really registering that she's mine. I feel like I'm looking after someone else's cute baby for them.
I also feel like my relationship with dd1 has been seriously affected. She's hit the terrible twos which I'm hating anyway as I feel like I've lost my sweet baby and she's been replaced by a moody little monster who just screams at me all day. I don't feel like I'm giving her enough attention because of the baby and she's actinf out even more to get attention.
I just feel guilty all the time as I don't have that special relationship with either of them now and really haveno idea where I'm at.
I feel like keeping the house tidy takes precedent over everything and I get irritated when either of them interrupt me getting on with things I need to do.
I don't think its PND but I don't feel it's 'right' either.

Ahh poor you. Are you getting any help or support? It sounds like you need someone to take your toddler for a lovely day out so that you could spend lots of time relaxing and cuddling up with your new baby.

If thats not possible, cheat a little and use anything that works eg fave tv show for toddler while you cuddle up next to her on sofa with baby.
Or get out of the house and go see some friends if you are up to it, or a play centre.
Does your toddler attend playgroups at all?
Above all be kind to yourslef and let the housework sleep as much as you can. you can get on top of it again when things are easier.

Thank you for your reply.
My mum has been great at popping in and helping but I am worried about dd1 going away too much in case she feels pished out. She doesn't start nursery until next January. My mum is taking her for a sleep over this week which she loves. I've been trying to keep busy and have lots of play dates so we're out most days but not sure if that's contributing as then other people want to hold the baby and I feel I actually dont get much time with her. I actually love night feeds as it's just me and her.
We're moving house in 9 weeks which I think is why I'm flapping a bit about the house stuff as I've no idea how I'll get the place all packed and decluttered when dd2 won't be put down at all. X

I didn't bond very well with dd. like you with my first (ds) I lived him so wholly and immensely I expected the same with dd.
try wearing a sling and at least you can do things in the house with dd. praise her a lot for helping, give her a snack and settle down with some books (or cbeebies) when your baby needs a feed so she isn't excluded from quiet time. It will be nice weather soon and you'll be able to get outside which makes all the difference, playing catch or football outside, get dd a sandpit so you can sit next to her with the baby and watch her play in the sand, it all cuts down on toy mess in the house.

Been using a sling more frequently and it really helps.
Planning on walking to my friends house today to get some fresh air and can talk to dd1 about what we see etc as she loves that.
She's quite an independent player but she just seems so sad and angry all the time although she idolises her sister. She deliberately tries to wake the baby as soon as I get her to sleep and then I don't get to spend time with dd as I'm settling a screaming baby again. I then get so angry with her for doing it as she's only spiting herself.

We're in a flat at the moment so no garden but the new house will have so much more space for her and big doors out to the garden etc so hoping that helps.
I think I just feel like a crap mum to both. Baby started smiling last night though and feel like she's starting to recognise me which is nice and definitely helping me bond. X

Hi sorry I don't have much to add except I just wanted to ask how you are doing now?

If you need help please get it. Speak to your doctor or hv or Childrens centre. It doesn't make you a crap mum at all

Thanks squish. I'm doing better thanks. I was sitting last week with her and suddenly got 'the Rush' snd now she's 'mine'. So relieved. She's got bad colic so it's tough going but it helps that she's comforted by me and is responding to me and smiling and shouting for me etc. really feel a bond now.
Dd1 has been toilet training this week so my mum has been down every day helping and it's meant I've had more time to spend with each of the girls. X